(Closed) Should I talk to FI’s parents about budget stress?

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 32
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Bichon Frise: Im not sure I would say anything, only because it is a touchy subject.  It was very nice of your grandparents to contribute.  If anything I would comment on how grateful you are for their contribution, because you should be.  I would advise telling them to cut their list to better accomodate youe budget.  If they are hell bent on having all those people there they can pay for them.  This isn’t even what you wanted to do in the first place. 

Post # 33
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with  

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@Amy43026: and 
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@takemyhand:. You can’t ask for more money now. But you can let them know how much you are struggling. Hopefully they will offer to help. If not, then you have to make some tough decisions–less flowers, no alcohol, etc

Edit: you can’t bring it up. It has to be all Fiance.

Post # 34
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m sorry you are going through this, and I really wish I had some advice for you. I’m going through the same thing with FI’s parents but have decided to just keep my mouth shut to keep the peace.

I have hinted to them in conversations that Fiance and I are struggling, but they don’t seem to get the hint. Either that or they don’t want to acknowledge it so they do not have to chip in more money than they feel they need to. FI’s parents keep asking us what we want for Christmas and we keep saying we don’t want anything but if they want to give us something money for the wedding, honeymoon, etc. would be much appreciated.

They still don’t get it. (sigh)

Post # 35
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

How much the the amount you’d have to swallow?  Perphaps if you sit down and calculate out the % of guests that are his family.. perhaps thats a way to make your case…. honestly, If it were me, I would want to know if my child was taking on debt to put on a wedding for my friends and family…  

 

We skipped the rehersal and my Fiance family gave us the cash- 4K.. pretty nice.

Post # 36
Member
3456 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know you are struggling with this financially, but I agree with previous posters that the budget ship has sailed (or let’s put it this way, even if they put no gas into the wedding van they are driving, you agreed to accept the ride in it).  The time to bring up the budget constraints was when they pressured you to change plans OR when they handed you a list of 48, and say to them, “we can’t afford it, unless you are willing to pay for it.”

At this point, you have the following options: 

1. Keep the plans you have currently, trim costs as best as you can with the remaining items, and for the rest, go into debt for the day

2. Rescind some save-the-dates.  You can still throw a party for just immediate family (which is what they wanted).  Yes, you lose money on deposits, but those are sunk costs and you save overall.  If you are rescinding it for a large group of people, I think that is more understandable (to me, the problem is really when you rescind for 1-2, not when you say “thanks for saving, but we are not doing X anymore.”)

3. Transform the day into a cake & punch reception, a lunch instead of a dinner, or a pasta/pizza (i.e. the cheapest food you can find).

When you tell them you’ve opted to do 2 or 3 and they complain, then you can explain your budget situation.  If they don’t offer at that point, keep going.

If you opt for 1 or 3, then consider cutting out things like alcohol (unless the $1750 will fully cover alcohol for everyone in addition to the rehearsal dinner).  Use an ipod.  No flowers.  Pick your own bouquet, etc.  Post your actual budget for specific suggestions.

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