(Closed) Should I tell her not to come? HELP!!!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
14 posts
  • Wedding: January 2012

@CurlyWurly: I think you should just email her back and tell her she can’t come. Explain your situation. Also I think it’s selfish of HER to think she can change her mind about coming/not coming whenever she wants. It’s kindof rude. That’s why I’m not inviting my Dad’s dad. I guess I should call him ‘grandpa’ but he’s never been there. Flaky people just shouldn’t be invited.

Post # 5
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

if you tell her not to come, be prepared to lose her as a friend. it’s not her fault you went overboard with the guest list, and she’s still responding before your rsvp date.

Post # 7
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I disagree with not having her there. It’s ot like she snubbed you or did anything wrong. If you are already over, perhaps you should revisit your list. How many out of the 200+ do you really know, really want at your wedding as much as you want this close friend? How many people did your parents invite that they aren’t really even that close with?

If it were me, I would explain the stress to your family and tell them they have to cut a little. It’s rediculous that you don’t have room for your own friend.


Post # 9
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like you already have your answer. You keep defending reasons why she shouldnt come. If it were me I would invite her but that is because the friends that came to my wedding I am much closer with than most of my family. It’s too bad you let your family dictate your list. Just write her a nice email back explaining your situation.

Post # 10
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

If people haven’t even gotten their invitations yet, I wouldn’t be so sure thay are all confirmed. It’s quite rare that anyone gets 100% attendance at any wedding. Emergencies can and do arise, so you may be surprised at how many ‘openings’ you’ll get. It seems to typically be 20% of invited guests that decline, so maybe give it some time before you do anything with her, or explain the situaion as you have here and tell her you’ll let her know if there’s room as soon as you know.

Post # 11
2739 posts
Sugar bee

@ItWasntMe: Totally agree with this, take a ‘wait and see’ approach and you might get some leeway. I also come from a background with crazy guest lists. Too many uncles and aunts and cousins that I’m close to. I had to take a hatchet to the list AND I made sure I booked a small reception venue. HOWEVER, I did build in space to have my friends come to the wedding because, well, no matter how close I am to my relatives, I am much closer to a bunch of friends than I am to certain relatives 🙂

Post # 12
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Personally, I would have still sent her an invite even though she said she couldn’t come. I’ve never heard of people needing to confirm or deny their attendance just to get an invitation. Not many people know that far out what their plans are. 

If she says she can come, then you should believe her without judgment or question regarding her ability to pay or her situation with her boyfriend. You can absolutely tell her that you have no room to board her for the wedding, however, since you are under no obligation to do so.

It sounds like you know what you want to do, and you are looking for justification for telling her that its too late and she can’t come. I personally disagree with that approach since you haven’t even sent out invitations yet. If you had sent her an invitation and she had RSVP no, then I think you would be justified. 

Post # 13
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i agree with those that say you should let her come. but as for your concerns about where she would stay – that’s not your concern. you had space to offer and because she said no, then other people took it. that seems like a first come first serve. and she can’t expect to stay with you.  so who knows, maybe you can say to come to the wedding, but she has to find her own place to stay, and that might deter her from coming?

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