(Closed) Should I tell her the truth or keep my mouth shut?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should I tell her the truth or keep my mouth shut?
    Tell her the truth! : (24 votes)
    13 %
    Keep your mouth shut! : (156 votes)
    86 %
    Other (please explain below) : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 32
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @VickyAurea: You can be good friends with her without the 100% honesty.  Sometimes honesty hurts.  Not saying to lie, but it is not bad to hold some things, especially this. If you are happy for her, continue to be happy for her and leave it at that.

    Post # 33
    159 posts
    Blushing bee

    Im an old person – and I couldnt help but read this post, and wanted to answer. So heres an old person’s advice ~


    Actually, Honesty about jealousy is all in the timing. Sometimes the timing to share is right, sometimes it isnt. sometimes its never.

    And Honestly (lol)? All of us may want to consider in the future – how will WE feel when others have their first children before us too? Or first nice house? Or …?

    As you, VickyAurea, were smart to acknowledge, Jealousy does rear its ugly head in all of us, sometimes little, sometimes not. But its good that you nipped it in the bud before it reared its ugly head and spilled its beans over someones wedding party lol. 

    So being honest with someone else about jealous feelings is all in the timing. When you two are old and grey, maybe you can make her laugh by sharing those feelings of that “time” while you watch your grandchildren play together… 🙂

    Post # 34
    1400 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Over the Moon:  That is just it.  She made up a hypothetical conversation.  In reality, it could go terribly wrong.  As it stands now, the waters are calm.

    Post # 35
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    no offense but I think this girl knows that you felt a stab of jealousy- if she knows you are waiting (or has ever been there) then she knows how it feels and she knows that your momentary spurt of jealousy was there, I think what she was asking is if it was STILL bothering you/would be a problem between you in the future… granted it’s sorta silly to ask that because it’s a no win question in my opinion

    Post # 36
    335 posts
    Helper bee

    if it’s weighing on your conscience (and hers) why not just own up to it? it’s no big deal, and i think it will solidify the fact that you actually are happy for her, even if you had that little pang.

    this will sound totally weird if you’ve not heard of the new my little pony series (which is seriously an internet sensation), but i swear there’s an episode just like this. so i’ll just leave this link here….


    Post # 38
    627 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I am sure she knows you were jealous.

    Life is about perfectly timed, not lies per se, but half truthes. She knows you were jealous, but she is not calling you on it because she knows she would feel the same way and it would be unfair to kick you when you are feeling down, and you told her you aren’t jealous because it would hurt her. It’s not lying, its putting one’s own desire to unleash every little thought and feeling we have aside for the feelings of another, which arguably is nobler. 


    Post # 39
    200 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I just voted to tell her the truth.  My reasoning:  Your hypothetical conversation is extremely mature and self-focused — that is, you take responsibility for your own feelings and choices.  If you want this person to be a close friend, I think it’s worth the risk to share your true feelings in the way you expressed them here.  You’re not at all asking her to take responsibility for your feelings, and you’re expressing what seems to be genuine happiness for her situation.  Hiding your stab of envy will, I suspect, drive you apart, because she’ll sense that it’s there but feel uncomfortable bringing it up if you don’t.

    Secrets are never good between friends.

    Post # 40
    1089 posts
    Bumble bee

    One day I will be engaged but for now this is about YOU TWO and let’s celebrate it because it’s so amazing

    This is the ONLY part of your post that I would say if she continues to tell you she feels bad.  In my opinion, everything else is irrelevant, except for this.

    No good will come from you telling her anything else. 

    Post # 41
    63 posts
    Worker bee

    @Pinksapphire:  Agree completely here.


    No need to tell her, and guess what?  In 5, 10, 20 years, this will never ever matter…hopefully you both have the great friendship you are hoping for!

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