Should I tell his wife

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think you need to figure out your health before worrying about contacting his wife.

Have you spoken with your doctor?

Post # 3
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Do over. I had to put my previous work experiences aside and thoroughly read your post. You never stated you confirmed he was still with his wife. Your STD tests have been negative so he could be innocent there, you could also possibly have something the doctor hasn’t tested you for yet. Go back to the doctor. In the future refrain from having unprotected sex with men you’ve barely gotten to know. Its never going to be worth it. At this point its not clear whether or not he’s still with his wife so there might be nothing to tell.

Post # 4
5186 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

bobsgirl2007 :  How do you know he isn’t going through a separation with his wife?  I think if you’ve been tested three times you might need to accept that it could be something else.  Stop emailing him about him giving you an STD, you do not know if that’s true.  

What is your goal with his wife?  To tell her the husband slept with you or he gave you an STD? It seems to be the latter from your post and you need to take a certain amount of responsibility here, you selpt with a man you barely know and had unprotected sex, there are risks.

Post # 5
50 posts
Worker bee

bobsgirl2007 :  Yes, how do you know he’s not going through a separation? Your health is more important than telling his wife, lol. It’s. It’s not your battle to fight at this point… He’s the shitty person

Post # 6
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

heavenlyflower :  Isn’t PID derrived from chlamydia and gonorrhea? So that would have shown up on the std tests. The medicine for bv, I believe, would have helped with trich. I could be off though. In any case, I agree she needs to see another doctor and discuss these symptoms. Granted, they still relevant to bv, yeast infection, and uti (outside the abnormal bleeding unless it’s in the urine). But with extended symptoms like this, a visit to the doctor is warranted.


Op, focus on your health first, and if you want to tell the wife, do it after you take care of yourself. It seems to me, due to the title of your post, like you are more focused on telling the wife. If you had an std for sure, then she should know, and probably would know if she still is sleeping with her husband, but otherwise, I don’t think she should be your greatest priority nor should he. 


Post # 7
1128 posts
Bumble bee

I had similar symptoms around the time I found out I had hpv although I don’t know that hpv caused it.  Same thing though wouldn’t go away for months 

Post # 8
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

handlecat :  I had to delete and re comment but you’re not that far off. PID is usually associated with those Save-The-Date Cards but there are other bacteria which cause it as well. Either way I think OP needs to get back to the doctor asap. None of those symptoms are normal and something is up.

Post # 9
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

if you’ve stalked her facebook or somehow know they’re actually not separated- Yes, I would want to know if my husband was cheating on me. So I think you should tell the wife.

Post # 10
3273 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know how long after sex with him you got tested for STI’s, but I just found this info:

Reliable STI test timeframes after unprotected sex:

2 weeks: gonorrhea & chlamydia

1 week to 3months: syphillis

6 weeks to 3 months: HIV, Hep C & B

If you were tested before those times the results may not have been reliable.

Post # 11
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If he has poor hygiene he may have just given you a yeast infection.

Post # 12
5210 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

 I would not tell his wife he gave you an std when the tests are negative. You don’t have an std if the tests are negative.

Pp had good advice, you should go to the Dr with your symptoms, and definitely have them retest in case they tested too soon for a positive result.

Post # 13
2888 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I would go back to the doctor and have them do a full screen. If you tell them your symptoms, they may figure it out. If you know for sure that he was never separated from his wife, I would tell her. Don’t tell her he gave you an STD unless you have confirmation from a doctor but I would tell her that you had sex. If I was her, I would want to know if I was married to a scum bag. 

Post # 14
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m not a medical professional, but the symptoms you’re describign sound like vaginitis, which can be caused by sex but isn’t really an STD. I would see your doctor about it. STD tests don’t test for every STD under the sun (I think herpes and HPV are actually not included in the standard STD testing), but from what you’re describing it doesn’t sound like you have either of those. I also don’t think a yeast infection is solely to blame – yeast infections are nasty but they don’t produce a bad odor. Although if you did have a yeast infection, you need anti-fungals not antibiotics, antibiotics might actually aggravate your symptoms.

As to his wife, leave her out of it and focus on your own emotional and physical healing!

Post # 15
686 posts
Busy bee

You can’t tell someone’s wife their husband gave you an STD when you don’t have one. Get healthy, first and foremost!

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