Should I tell his wife

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
1017 posts
Bumble bee

Mind your own business. 

Post # 17
3504 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

You’ve been tested multiple times and it’s come back negative.  I would have blocked you too.

Post # 18
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If I was the wife I’d want to know. But that’s just me.. but I wouldn’t say anything about an STD because you don’t have a diagnosis. 

Post # 19
9623 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

If you’re experiencing those symptoms then as PP’s say, go back to the doctor and figure out what it is.  Don’t ask them to test for something specific, go and explain your symptoms and let them know you’ve had unprotected sex–let THEM do the investigation in to what is causing these symtpoms.

As for whether you should tell the wife…  You don’t know you have an STD, so for now there isn’t anything you can tell her on that note, but you could tell her about the fact you and her husband had unprotected sex with someone he barely knew, which to be fair even if he didn’t give you an STD I’d be LIVID if I were her–who knows how many other women he’s had unprotected sex with and then he brings his filthy dick back in to my bed.  

Honestly, I know most bees are in the “don’t get involved” camp and usually I agree but I’m so torn-she deserves to know that someone she is having sexual intercourse with is having unprotected sex with strangers.  I mean, his actions could be threatening her life.  

Just know if you do tell her you will either look like a total jackass (if they are seperated) or probably be the recipient of her wrath (if they aren’t).

Post # 20
6428 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d wait until you have a positive STD panel before telling his wife.

As for the STD, have them test EVERYTHING.  I think a standard panel is Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Hep A, B, C, Herpes 1, 2 and HIV 1 & 2 and Syphillis, but there are more.  So I would test again just in case.

Post # 21
2682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Focus on your health. If you feel like you aren’t getting adequate care from your doctor, find a new one. I don’t know what type of testing you’ve already had done, but if you are convinced something is being missed I would request SureSwab if your doctor uses Quest or NuSwab if they use Labcorp. They offer extremely sensitive tests for a ton of different things on a single swab. It won’t be cheap & you insurance may not cover it, but it would likely give you some answers.

Please do not reach out to this man’s (ex)wife. He’s made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t want to interact with you. You have zero evidence that you have an STD, nevermind that he gave you one. Most Save-The-Date Cards wouldn’t even be symptomatic 24-48 hours after exposure. IF in fact you do have an STD, is it possible you got it from your ex? Were you tested after you last had sex with him, but before having sex with this man? 

There’s a lot of anger in the tone of your OP, but consider that it may be misplaced. From this other guy’s perspective your behavior could be borderline scary. Prioritize your physical and mental health.

Post # 22
6311 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Listen, if you claimed to have slept with my Darling Husband, I would assume you had slept with other people, too, so I’d pin any STD on you. I doubt you would be wanting to tell his wife if he still wanted to be with you, so don’t try to play this off as a health issue (when you haven’t tested positive for anything). Next time, YOU be responsible for YOU, and don’t sleep with someone whose marriage you want to break up.

Post # 23
11866 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I know you’ve been through the wringer with a cheating pos, so there’s a part of you that’s out for revenge.

but this guy isn’t your target.

you should go to support here and change your name from that loser  and then celebrate never being with a cheater again. *In order to not be with a cheater, you need to make better decisions for yourself. *

You can do it, bee. Hang in there! 


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