Should I tell my brother his wife is cheating?

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I would tell him. There is no way I could keep this from my brother. I would also be afraid that if he ended up finding out another way, and then finding out I knew the whole time, he would be irate with me. I know I would be if the tables were turned.

Post # 18
Member
895 posts
Busy bee

If she insists they’re just “rumors”, she should have no reservations to give him access to all her messages. Tell your brother, and tell him to ask to see her phone before she gets the chance to erase evidence. 

Also it doesn’t matter “how far” she went with this other dude…cheating is cheating, even on emotional levels. You shouldn’t wait until you get confirmation that they’ve slept together to be the final straw. Upsetting her should be the least of your concerns…it’s the consequence of her bad choices. If your brother finds out that you knew and you didn’t tell him, and he asks why, and you say: “I didn’t want to upset SIL”, that’d probably be like an extra kick to his nuts. 

Post # 19
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

misskitty90 :  but what if SIL doesmt tell him the whole story and says it’s just rumours. That’s what would probably happen. 

Exactly.  Just tell him. Show him the texts you have and tell him who else knows. 

Post # 20
Member
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

misskitty90 :  He is your brother. In any other circumstance, i would say stay out of it, but this is your flesh and blood. 

You need to tell him. It will hurt but he will trust you and believe you and you will be able to be there to support him emotionally. 

Post # 21
Member
6791 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i don’t wanna upset the sister in law 

You don’t want to upset a cheater who is making a fool of your BROTHER? Why would you protect the guilty party? She is being a POS. I would be FURIOUS if my sibling didn’t want to tell me my husband was cheating on me so that s/he didn’t upset HIM. Ugh what a shitty attitude. 

Post # 22
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Don’t even give her the chance to tell him. Send your brother the text messages. I would tell my brother as soon as I even heard rumors from others. No hesitation. It’s your brother, your loyalty is to him, first and foremost.

Post # 23
Member
4962 posts
Honey bee

Small town everyone else knows? You NEED to tell him ASAP. He’s going yo feel like such a fool and will be livid to know you knew and kept it from him. It sucks and he will hurt but your SIL is a piece of crap for doing that to him. Seriously who cares about her feelings?! 

Post # 24
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

misskitty90 :  If you have the text messages and other proof go ahead and tell him. If you give her time she’s going to lie her way out of the situation and say its just rumors or something. She will tell him people don’t like her. Don’t want to see them happy and are jealous of her and starting rumors about her. So I would tell him. My mom and sister told my brother his wife was cheating. He was stationed in California and she had moved back home before him to get them settled in and was screwing around. We live in a small town so of course other people knew. He divorced her.

Post # 25
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee

misskitty90 :  I usually am on the “Stay out of it” boat.

However, i think you should tell your brother. Especially if it is already getting around the small town. 

Post # 26
Member
6225 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

If you have been close to both of them (SIL and your brother) I would let her know that I know and that I was also going to tell my brother, just so she has a heads up. It wouldn’t be a matter of – tell him or I will. More like- I’m letting him know, get yourself ready to deal with the fallout. I’ll babysit if y’all need me to.

I would absolutely let my brother know, though. 100%.

Post # 27
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

Would you want your brother to tell you if he knew your spouse was cheating? My guess is YES

Post # 28
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You need to tell him. If you don’t you are helping your SIL cheat on your brother. If she convinces him it’s just rumors, well that’s on him at that point. Wouldn’t you want to know?

Also, it sounds like you might be afraid of the fallout. Remember it is your SIL who did this. Not you. She is the one who made the choices, so you are NOT responsible for the consequences of her choices. But you are responsible for how you proceed from here. Now that you know the information, you have two choices, protect the cheater by not sharing or protect your brother and his kid by sharing what you know.

Remember, not acting is acting. You’re still making a choice. The worst part about being cheated on is not the betrayal from your partner. It’s the betrayal from your friends and family who knew and didn’t do anything or say anything to you about it.

Post # 29
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

Yes, not least because other people are starting to find out, too.

Post # 30
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

misskitty90 :  This is you’re brother were talking about , yes tell him immediately please. I would be upset if a slibling knew something like this and didn’t tell me .. GO TELL YOU’RE BROTHER!! 

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