(Closed) Should I tell my FI how many partners I’ve had?

posted 10 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How many partners have you had?

    1-3

    4-6

    6-10

    10-20

    20-30

    30-40

    50+

  • Post # 17
    Member
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    No need to give a number! I know my FI’s number, and it doesn’t bother me…and he has an idea of my number, but I don’t feel a need to rehash that particular part of my past with him.

    Post # 18
    Member
    3376 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    As others have said, I think it depends on your relationship.  The other big thing is really – does he want to know?  My Fiance knows I’ve been with other guys before him, but he doesn’t want to know how many.  He’s a very “the past is in the past” kind of guy, and would simply prefer not to know.  However, if your Fiance wants to know, I don’t think you should keep secrets.

    Post # 19
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I wouldn’t give a number unless directly asked for one. I’ve been with more than twice as many people as DH has (I definitely went through a slutty phase when I was younger), and he knows that, and that’s all he wants to know. He’s never asked, he’s told me flat out he doesn’t want to know the exact number. 

    ETA: If he ever decided to ask for an exact number, I would be very upfront about it. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Hell no! The past is past and what I did or did not do in the bedroom department is my business and no one elses!

    Post # 21
    Member
    5103 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Neither of us ever really felt a need to ask “how many”

    All that matters to me is there is only one from here on out 🙂

    ETA: I think it’s normal to talk about past relationships, things you didn’t like, things you’ve been through (we’ve done that), but I don’t think that has to involve a number, ya’ know?

    Post # 22
    Member
    15198 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Neither of us have outright asked either.  He doesnt want to know anything about my past and I’ve wondered about him but I don’t know, probably better that way.  I’ve only indirectly asked by joking about how I probably would have never been with him in college cause he was probably a man-whore.

    Post # 23
    Member
    648 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Ya know, we’ve never discussed this. I know he’s been with other girls and he knows I’ve been with other guys and more than likely we know each others people because we grew up and went to college in such a small town. However, it’s never come up or been an issue. Part of me is interested, but the other half screams don’t do it.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    The only reason I told my FH was because his is 1 person higher than mine, so I felt better. But if his number was significantly lower than mine? I wouldn’t tell him.

    Post # 25
    Member
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Um…hell NO!

    Post # 26
    Member
    1850 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Only if he asks. Some things can’t be unheard.

    Post # 28
    Member
    923 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’d keep mum on the actual number.  In the words of Dr. Drew – More mystery, less history.

    I’ve avoided this topic with Fiance.  My number is less than 10, but I don’t want him to know it.  I was his first, and although he knows I was sexually active in previous relationships, I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to tell him my actual number.  I know my number isn’t that high by any stretch of the imagination, but since his is SO much lower than mine, I like to keep it a mystery.

    Post # 29
    Member
    2088 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We told each other before we were even officially dating. We’re very open with everything, it didn’t seem like a big deal to share numbers. 

    If you’re uncomfortable telling him, don’t! The only thing he really needs to know is your STD history (and not even really that, most STDs get cleared up for good with meds.)

    Post # 30
    Member
    1289 posts
    Bumble bee

    We also talked about it before we started dating. I need less than one hand to count my past partners (including FH) and he needs a little less than two hands. If you aren’t comfortable sharing, don’t.

    Post # 31
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    DH and I have always been very open about everything, including our sexual pasts so there was no hesitation when discussing our numbers.  It completely depends on your relationship though – not everyone is comfortable with that and that is fine.

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