(Closed) Should I tell my FI how many partners I’ve had?

posted 10 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How many partners have you had?

    1-3

    4-6

    6-10

    10-20

    20-30

    30-40

    50+

  • Post # 32
    Member
    674 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think both people deserve to know each other’s past. Fiance and I are completely open with each other about this.

    Post # 33
    Member
    7691 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    DH and I told each other our numbers from very early on. I think it was in the same conversation about STDs. DHs number is almost double my number but I dont care. I think I probably did for a little while when we were first dating (and I was young and immature) but now it doesnt matter.

    Post # 34
    Member
    4499 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Only if he wants to know. It has no bearing on your current relationship. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    1087 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    somethings are better not spoken…but if he asks then you should tell him. I DOnt really see the need to know how many people my Fiance had sex with prior to me but if he told me it wouldnt bother me.

    Post # 36
    Member
    3135 posts
    Sugar bee

    To the OP:

    I am in the exact opposite situation as you are.  I’ve had about the same as your partner and my partner has had many more than that.  I pried and pried to get the exact number out of him and he gave it to me. Trust me, I wish I had never known.  This is def one of those situations where I asked a question to something I did not truly want an answer to. (it was TEN TIMES worse than I could have imagined)

    I say leave it all ball park but rest assure him that because you’re not giving him an exact number, that it doesn’t mean that you’ve had a kazillion, it’s just because you don’t want to dredge up the past.

    Post # 37
    Member
    5282 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    We had the conversation early on in our relationship – I wanted to know his history, it was important to me (I was a virgin and he wasn’t.)

    Post # 38
    Member
    1955 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    I think unless he asks you directly, there’s no reason to give him the exact number…I don’t know DH’s number but I know the ball park range and that’s all I’d like to know, thankyouverymuch! 

    Post # 39
    Member
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    I’ve never given an exact number because I’m not exactly sure (hard to remember that far back), but I have a ball park I gave when asked. 

    I don’t see what the big deal is, I would never want to be with someone with that kind of jealousy. What happened before you was before you. That being said, I don’t think you should blurt it out mid-conversation. If he asks I would tell him, sometimes it’s just a natural curiosity.

    Post # 40
    Member
    3135 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @maureen9004:

    It’s not always a matter of jealousy though.  lets say if the number is huge, you might start to wonder about your partners character, health.. etc and it could make you a little skeeved out.

    Or just opening that door can lead to room for other questions that can lead to insecurites, hurt feelings, feelings of innadequacy, and the likes.

    Post # 41
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    View original reply
    @AnnieAAA: I think the only reason that I gave my Fiance a specific number is because he was a virgin when we first got together, so that was a talk in itself… my number is also not that high, so it wasn’t a big deal to talk about. 

    if your number is high and he knows that part and you’ve ballparked, a specific number is kind of silly.  you could just say you lost count, but that he is only one you want to be with now!

    Post # 42
    Member
    3135 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @jem415:

    100% agree with the latter part of what you said.

    Well put.

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    View original reply
    @Oneeleven: Number has nothing to do with character- I think hiding that number because you’re ashamed shows lack of character. If your significant others asks you flat out, I don’t see what the big deal is. But, to each his own.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3135 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @maureen9004:

    Hiding the number may not represent you’re ashamed, but instead may be trying to spare your S.O’s feelings.  I certainly would much rather not know my S.O’s number, but he isn’t ashamed one little bit … LOL!  :s

     

    ETA: I think number could have to do with character in some people’s opinions.  I certainly wouldn’t have looked at my FH twice had I met him during his slutty phase. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    1289 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @Oneeleven: I have to agree with you about #s sometimes being reflective of character. I don’t WANT to judge anyone based on their sexual past, but if FH had told me he slept with an X amount of people, I would probably not have pursued a relationship.

    Post # 46
    Member
    4479 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    What for? I don’t think that kind of info needs to be shared. As long as he knows relevant info about STDs, and maybe it’s nice to know that he’s not your first, I don’t think the specific number is relevant.

    The topic ‘Should I tell my FI how many partners I’ve had?’ is closed to new replies.

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