(Closed) Should I tell my FI how many partners I’ve had?

posted 10 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How many partners have you had?

    1-3

    4-6

    6-10

    10-20

    20-30

    30-40

    50+

  • Post # 47
    Member
    121 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    my fi knows my number. He doesn’t care. He lives me, and whats in the past, is in the past. He doesn’t need all the details, But I would never lie to him. If your uncomfortable with the number with just tell him you don’t feel comfortble talking about it. He should respect you enough to leaveit alone

    Post # 48
    Member
    891 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    My husband and I never even cared to ask.  I personally don’t want to know.  He is who is he and however many women (or skanks) he hooked up with, made him the amazing lover he is today:)

    I’ve had a little more than I’m proud of but whatever..it’s not like an outrageous number for my age.  I went through a little promiscuous phase in my early 20s during a 2 year period that I was single but I like to think of it more as me telling myself  “I’m a chick and I can do guy stuff too and hook up casually and move on” I always pinned myself as that girl who instantly gets all emotionally attached once i have sex, but my little phase proved me wrong and I was actually great at it.  My hookups were never complete random dudes I met at a bar…more like a friend of a friend or even a friend I knew and we got drunk one night and did the deed.  I’d always be the first to get up in the morning and get dressed and say “gotta go, I’ll talk to you later” and they’d look confused and say, “uh ok..no breakfast?” to which I’d come up with some excuse as to why I had to leave LOL.  I was safe and had fun and no regrets.  It was empowering actually. 

    I don’t think it’s important to discuss but to some people it is.  To each their own. Maybe if I was really religious or something and was a “good girl” and it mattered to me, I’d want to know, but I was always (and still am) a free spirit and don’t judge things like the number of sexual partners. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I know my FI’s number but he doesnt know mine, all he knows it it’s slighty more than his… but in fact it’s more than double! I had a great time living abroad 😉

    Some things about the past are better left unsaid. In reality it’s all irrellevant now as you’ll both only be sleeping with eachother from now on

    Post # 49
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    If he straight-up asked me what my number was I would tell him though, as I wouldnt want to lie

    Post # 50
    Member
    947 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Nope, I woudn’t go there now.  I haven’t told him mine, and he hasn’t told me his. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    in reality the only thing that really matters in this discussion is not how many people you have been with, but in the case that it’s been a lot, or even sort of a lot, that you can be straight with each other about getting tested for any possible STDs and being open about that part of it.  i certainly wouldn’t want my fiance to conveniently leave out yeah i’ve been with 100 people and I’ve never been tested for anything… it’s not really about the number there but trust that you wouldn’t be putting your partner at risk for something. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Oops sorry…I never clicked on the post so I didn’t know I re-created the same poll.

    IMO it’s irrelevant, but I understand that most people don’t get to the irrelevancy stage unless they had a bit of experience. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    2628 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Like some of the other bees have said, it all depends on your relationship.  DH and I are extremely open and when the occassion arises, we’re extremely open about things that happened in our pasts.  I had no issue when I found out how many women DH had been with, I was just more concerened that he was safe and had been checked and all that good stuff.  But, that’s just our relationship.  Others choose not to go there and that’s just fine.  You have to do what works best for you and your Fiance.

    Post # 54
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    It really does depend on what your relationship is like.  Between me and S.O., being open about my/our past relationships was key to making our own last.  But if you feel that it’ll just make it uncomfortable between the two of you, perhaps it would be best to not talk about it.  Besides, the focus is on the two of you now, not the past.

    Post # 55
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    We’ve never told each other our number, and I don’t see why it should really matter.

    If he keeps asking about this, I suppose you should tell him, but IMO it’s not something he really needs to know. It’s in the past, and he’s the only one you’re sleeping with now. That’s the important thing, right 🙂 ?

    Post # 56
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think if its a high number and he doesn’t care the actually number there is no reason to tell him. My Fiance and I are very open about our ex’s and past sex life, but we also started dating at 18, and knew eachother’s ex’s.

    Post # 57
    Member
    567 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park

    I would say, only tell him if it’s for his benefit. If you’re only doing it to make yourself feel better, that’s the wrong motivation. The fact that it hasn’t been an issue before (and you’ve never mentioned it) makes me think that he doesn’t really want to know, because it’s just not relevant to your relationship. Unless he comes right out to ask you, then don’t bring it up. But if he asks, there’s no reason not to tell him! The past is the past, and so long as everything else is awesome in your relationship, it will just be a “fun fact” about you 😉

    Post # 58
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Ignorance is bliss, in this case.  Men can be sensitive to this info, no matter how mature or easy-going they are.  I’d never, ever share this info.  Let him be the last man you’ll ever need and that’s all that matters.

    Post # 59
    Member
    5571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think that I’d tell him if he asks directly but, other than that, I wouldn’t. If he doesn’t ask he may just not want to know, even if he teases you about it. My Fiance is a virgin and I’m not, we ‘ve talked about my past experiences but I haven’t told him an actual number and he hasn’t asked because he really doesn’t care to know. As long as he knows that he’s the only one from now on he’s not even curious.

    Post # 60
    Member
    1682 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Unless you’re currently sleeping with any of them, its absolutely none of his business. Just. No. Why does it even matter? Are you with those guys now? I don’t think so.

    ETA: Personally, I friggin lost count of my “number” a reeeeeaaaally long time ago. I couldn’t even begin to guess. I just don’t care, it’s not like I’m still with any of them, or will be with another guy any time soon!

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