(Closed) Should I tell my fiance or was this nothing?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

Ick. Who knows what he will do next time. You should tell your Fiance.

Post # 17
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

He’s a creep.  You need to tell your fiance, and keep that guy away from you and your home.  

Post # 18
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

Tell your Fiance about it. Wouldn’t you want to know if something like this happened to him?  Even if this was harmless in his opinion (the guy or your FI), its better to be able to talk about boundaries with the opposite sex.  IMO, this kind of touching is always inappropriate and it’s important to let him know if his friend is making you uncomfortable. 

Post # 19
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

valintine:  and the fact that he ‘accidentally’ walked in on OP breastfeeding and continues to talk about it all the time. I’m starting to think he has some weird fetish with pregnancy.

By The Way, OP, your husband should have 100% stopped this creep from talking about your breasts the first time it happened. I don’t care how ‘jokingly’ it comes across – you don’t talk about your friends’ wives’ breasts, or any woman’s breasts disrespectfully like that. He’s a pervert and I don’t know why you and your husband just let him get away with this behavior. You hugged him after he did that? Yeah, no. You need to set your own personal boundaries and enforce them. When someone makes you uncomforatble you speak up immediately.

Post # 20
Member
16 posts
Newbee

Sounds a bit creepy and it’s not okay that he made you feel uncomfortable, but I think it’s unnecessary to tell your Fiance. Nothing bad has happened, and your Fiance would probably be unnecessarily pissed about that guy. I say let it go.

Post # 21
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Unreservedly creepy. I’d refuse to have him in my house again. That would honestly scare me. So not okay.

Post # 22
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

I definitely think that you should tell your fiance. This would make me feel very uncomfortable.

In response to a previous comment re. you ‘letting’ him hug you, and what you ‘should’ have done… I’m sure that this comment was well-intentioned, but these things are very easy to say after the event. So I can totally understand why you didn’t react at the time- it must have been a very weird and unsettling moment.

 

Post # 23
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee

Some people are more touchy and flirty than others. I have a male friend who CONSTANTLY makes inappropriate comments to me and tries to grope me when he gets a chance but he’s 100% harmless and completely loves his wife and loves that I’m happily with my husband. He is just like that. So I don’t think it necessarily means your friend is “a creep” like some people are saying.

However, I have never been creeped out by my friend and my husband isn’t concerned by it either. If you don’t like the way he is behaving or talking to you it’s your personal responsibility to let him know – he might not realise he crossed a line. None of us are you so we couldn’t tell you if he was joking or not, you just have to go with your gut. That said, I wouldn’t personally upset my husband unless I had tried and failed to resolve it myself. 

Post # 24
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Please tell your husband. Even if the friend DIDNT mean it in that way, he still made you uncomfortable. I would also guess he walking in one you breastfeeding was not a coincidence…

Post # 25
Member
4244 posts
Honey bee

winterbreeze:  You think her partner would be “unnecessarily pissed” a dude was grabbing her, making sexual comments and making her uncomfortable? I’d say that’s very NECESSARY to be pissed about!

Post # 26
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

SoonAsYouCan:  Good point. OP I didn’t mean to imply you’d done anything wrong, by “should” I meant “would have been well within your rights”. Actually confronting creepy behavior as it’s happening is a hell of a lot easier said than done!

Also, because you said you like this guy, it’s worth pointing out that creeps can be nice people. Doesn’t make their creepy actions ok, but just because he’s sexually inappropriate doesn’t mean that he isn’t also a likeable guy. People are very rarely black & white, evil or good. Rapists can be nice people, too. So don’t let your affection for him as a person make you think what he did is okay. 

Post # 27
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

MeiFrancis:  gynecologists have to touch vaginas, but that doesn’t mean it’s cool for them to go around grabbing lady parts willy nilly.

Post # 28
Member
6628 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

yeah this has gross written all over it.  I don’t care if you are a personal trainer, you don’t get to just randomly comment on someone else’s body parts and claim it’s all in the job line.   A proctologist doesn’t get to rub your ass and “it’s okay, b/c I’m a proctologist… all in the job!”  

Tell your fiance.  Even if he still hangs out with the guy, he can be more vigilant and it makes it clear that it is unwanted on your side (after all, friend could claim you started it if he’s a real asshole).  If he ever lays a hand on you again, “Don’t touch me!” loud and clear – make sure it’s loud enough to cause embarrassment and make people look your way.  Forewarned is forearmed.

Post # 29
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I also didn’t mean to suggest this was somehow ‘your fault’ for hugging him. However, he’s taking advantage and testing his waters, and getting worse. The first was making comments about your breasts. You and your Fiance let it go and let it continue. Then he follows you into a dark room while your Fiance sleeps. Comments on how he caught a glimpse of your shirt rising up, touches you, and makes inappropriate comments. You again let it go, hug him, and send him on his way with a bag of candy. What’s next? Will he try to kiss you? Touch you more? Make worse comments? The longer you let this behavior continue, the worse it will get. Nip it in the bud. Who knows? Maybe you’ll tell him he’s making you uncomfortable and he will be completely embarrassed and apologetic because he has no idea he’s doing it! Or, he will get the hint to knock it off and you aren’t interested. If he continues after you’ve set firm boundaries, then you know it’s time to drop this ‘friend’

Post # 30
Member
943 posts
Busy bee

truthah:  He constantly tries to grope you but he completely loves his wife? That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. He might love his wife but he sure as hell doesnt respect her. If he loved his wife he wouldnt be trying to grope other women. 

So if your husband started groping women it would be okay because he is so in love with you?

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