Should I tell my husband I’ve slept with a guy before I introduce them?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I tell my husband?
    Yes : (78 votes)
    30 %
    No : (180 votes)
    70 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I would.

    Post # 4
    Member
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I see both side of telling him/not telling him.  You should really talk to your FH and ask him if he wants to know when he is about to or has met some partners from your past.  My FH and I are in similar situation to yours but for different reasons (aren’t they all).  FH is on the side of wanting to know and I tell him.  He usually has no issue as long as he knows the situations surrounding those relationships.  I just think you should open a line of communication about the extent of information he is comfortable knowing.

    Post # 6
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I voted No but not because I’m in the habit of keeping things from my Fiance.  I always wonder about whether certain truths are better for the listener or for the person clearing their conscience. 

    I should have re-read the part about you worrying about Bob initiating things. Maybe tell Bob before hand that the past is the past and hope he gets the hint.

    Post # 7
    Member
    171 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I wouldn’t. I don’t see the point of telling. I think it will only make Darling Husband and Bob feel awkward around each other, and I don’t think that Bob will tell Darling Husband if you don’t. In this case, I don’t think you’re hiding anything from Darling Husband, I simply think it’s not relevant, especially since both of you are married, and will only stir up weird feelings. Frankly, unless you still have feelings for Bob, I would simply let it go and never give it another thought.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1882 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    My husband and I went to a wedding of one of his college friends -probably eight years ago. We were at a table with all of his old friends, and he was acting totally weird. Finally when I asked him what the hell his problem was he blurted out “I slept with the girl sitting next to you!” It was soooo funny, and I still make fun of him to this day. He was acting so stupid. 

    So I gues my answer is-I don’t think it’s a big deal. We all had lives before we met our SO’s. I’m curious as to why you think he’ll hit on you now that he is married? Is he a big asshole? has he doen it before? Most people just let that kind of thing go as time goes by…

    Post # 10
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I think that you’ve been honest enough that he knows your general background. I think telling him will only make him upset and cause unnecessary tension. Its not like your hiding anything per se – he did say  he doesnt want to know.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I see no point at all in telling him, especially since he already said he’d prefer not to know. No man wants to think of his wife being intimate with someone else, and I just don’t see how telling him you slept with this person YEARS ago is going to anything but cause awkwardness and tension. I also think the idea that Bob would try to initiate anything with you is a bit strange…he’s married now, and hasn’t seen you in several years.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2318 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I think it depends on whether telling him would just make things awkward and him uncomfortable or help him make more sense of the situation.

    I guess it boils down to if you think it would be something he would want to know.

    Post # 13
    Member
    28 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I wouldn’t.  The past is the past.  You even said he told you he doesn’t want to know when you’ve offered the information to him.  I’d say spare him; it’s not relevant.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2742 posts
    Sugar bee

    I wouldn’t tell him. How long ago was this? You said freshman year college, for me, that was eons ago. I don’t know what telling him will accomplish except to make everyone feel weird and akward especially since you haven’t seen Bob in ages. My thing is, why do you think Bob will hit on you? Has he made it seem like he would do something like that? Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

    Post # 15
    Hostess
    16191 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I voted yes. He doesn’t need to know the sordid details, but he’s your husband and deserves to know that your past history with this man wasn’t only platonic. If he already knows about your past in general, I wouldn’t think this would cause a major problem. Good luck! 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    2103 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    In your situation, I probably wouldn’t tell him.  It’s not like you’re introducing this guy into your life again.  He’s somebody you’ll probably only see again a few times in your life.  If you were actually friends with him and he was going to be spending time with you and your husband, then I would definitely tell him.  You two were kids…I dont’ know how old you are now, but it’s been a long time.  I’d leave it be.

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