- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
Ok, this is a kind of odd situation, and I need some help deciding what to do. I recently got married, and my husband and I have very different sexual backgrounds prior to our marriage. Neither of us were virgins when we met, but where he’d had only 2 long-term girlfriends, only one of whom he slept with, I’ve had a number of short-term, casual and/or insignificant partners (please don’t judge – there are reasons, but they’re not relevant here). I have met the ex my husband didn’t sleep with, and while I’m polite to her, it’s no secret that I don’t love having her around. The other ex is not part of his life at all.
My husband knows that I’ve slept with more people than he has, and he knows of my ex-boyfriends, and that I’ve had casual partners, but not any more details. I’ve offered to tell him, but he says he’d prefer not to know, and I respect that. However, in a couple of months, I will be introducing my husband to a family friend that I once slept with, and I don’t know whether to tell him or not.
About the family friend, we’ll call him Bob. When I was a child, we lived abroad, and Bob’s mom and my mom were close friends. Bob and I used to play together. After a few years, we all returned to our home countries, on separate sides of the Atlantic. Every few years, Bob and his parents would visit, and as we got older, we got more intimate – Bob is the first guy I ever kissed. This was totally secret, and was more in the spirit of youthful experimentation than romantic involvement. It was always initiated by Bob. I last saw Bob when I was a freshman at college, and on that occasion we slept together. I have not seen him, or his family since. I am now married, as is he, and in the new year we will all be meeting again.
I don’t know whether to tell my husband. As a girl, it’s the kind of thing I’d like to know, but I know guys don’t often think like that. I’m slightly concerned that Bob might try and initiate something with me – I’d like to think that he’s committed to his wife, and wouldn’t dream of it, but you can’t always count on that. If that were to happen, I would obviously be upset, and it would be easier if my husband already knew the background, so would be able to support me.
On the other hand, I don’t want to somehow change the way my husband feels about me, by forcing him to face up to my sexual past. Help!