MemberA few weeks after our wedding, my husband’s parents came to visit us and told us they were splitting up. It was an absolute shock to us. We’ve tried to be supportive without asking any questions. Today, a month later, I saw on his mother’s kitchen table a book called “After the Affair”. Should I tell my husband I saw it?
MemberWho knows why she has this book? It doesn’t mean there was an affair, maybe there is a good section in it for divorce or something. Obviously you know they are splitting up, do you really want to know any other details?
MemberYou have no idea why that book is there and even if there was an affair, who was the offending partner. It’s not your place to interfere.
MemberIt really depends… how upset would he be? Do you think she didn’t mind having the book out in the open, or do you think it was an accident that the book was left out? Maybe she wanted you to ask about it so that she could talk to someone… in which case it’d probably be good to talk to her AND to your husband.
MemberI voted “No” due to you not knowing the facts about the book. Could it be for a friend? If so and you tell your husband his mother or father cheated you’ll look foolish for saying something you had no first hand knowledge of. If it’s true let them tell you both directly.
MemberNo No No
MemberIf it was or if it wasn’t it isn’t anyone’s place to get into that. It could just be a book she is reading. He is already having to deal with them no longer being together, it’s no need to add onto anything
MemberNo, I would not mention it at all. I think that when/if they’re ready to talk with the family about the reasons for the divorce, they will.
MemberOf course tell your husband! Why shouldn’t you talk this over by yourselves? Why not give your husband an extra piece which might help? Why would you ever hide something like this from your own husband? I (virtually) never believe in withholding information from someone “for their own good”.
p.s. almost certainly one of them is having an affair. DH might as well be forewarned.
MemberI wouldn’t. For all you know, it was a novel she’s reading.
Member@paula1248: What if it’s not true and she’s just reading the book or it’s for a friend. I wouldn’t want my husband telling me my mom or dad cheated and thats why they’re getting divorced. Then I go to them with what he said and they deny it because it’s not true. My mom then tells me that her friend Betty’s husband Jack has been cheating for years and she thought the book might help. I’d be pissed at my husband for implying something he didn’t know first hand. Plus my parent’s would be pissed at him too.
Let the parents confirm something’s going on.
MemberI don’t see any harm in telling him what you know. You saw the book and that is it, who knows the rest of the details. I wouldn’t keep it a secret though in case later on more details come out, it won’t be such a shock.
MemberI’m surprised so many people are saying no! I think keeping this from him is dishonest. Who knows why she has it, he deserves to at least know wager you know.
MemberI’m pretty sure I would tell mine, and I think I would want him to tell me if he was the one who saw the book. I’m not comfortable with the idea that he would know something like that about my parents and not tell me.
And no you don’t know what the book means but I think we can all take a reasonable guess why people about to go through a divorce would have a book called After the Affair. Anyway you wouldn’t be telling him “One of your parents had an affair,” you would be giving him the exact same information that you have, which is that you saw the book.
There is the issue of violating your husband’s parents’ privacy but I wonder whether his mother is all that concerned to keep the situation private given that she left the book on the kitchen table when you were visiting…?
MemberI would– with the obvious “who knows if it was for her” explanation. It’d be awkward later if you were like “oh yeah I knew that because I saw the book!”
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