Post # 1
Im 5 weeks pregnant and am wondering whether or not I should tell my family. I’m extremely close with them and see them multiple times a week.
The issue is that My husband and I have a trip planned for when I will be 14 weeks and my mom DOES NOT agree with travelling while pregnant. Even if I tell her my doctor okayd it she won’t agree. (My husband and I planned it this way hoping we would conceive before it and this would be our babymoon).
So the question is should I tell her and have to deal with the nagging? Or should I wait until I’m back and tell her? At 16 weeks.
My main concern is that if, god forbid anything we’re to happen I would NEVER hear the end of it
Post # 2
ananoabee55 : How old are you?
Tell her if you’d like her to know and go on your vacation if you’d like to, you can make decisions for yourself.
Congrats on the pregnancy
ETA Is your husband OK with telling her? I know a lot of couples who didn’t even want to tell close family members until they got to the “safer” part of their pregnancy.
Post # 3
I’d probably wait longer to share… I’m a first trimester type. But when you’re ready just tell her. I doubt she’d quickly forgive you holding off. If she goes on about travel, say you’ve made your decision and won’t be discussing it. Don’t give her the slightest opening. Change the subject or walk away if she keeps badgering you.
Post # 4
It’s your life. Tell her if you want to. Go on your trip if you want to. If you’re old enough to be married and having a baby, I’d assume your mother could respect your decisions as an informed adult? “Thanks mom, but Ive run it by my doctor and there is no reason not to go. I don’t want to hear anymore about it from you.”
My mom was the same way. I told her I was going to UAE when I was 17 weeks and she didnt agree with it either. “Why can’t you go after?” “Do you have to go right now??” “Is it safe?”… Because I want to, Yes, it’s fine. I’m going. I told her I had tickets and I’m going, and that was the end of the discussion.
Post # 5
As an adult you get to make your own decisions without worrying about what your parents think. This is why its called being an adult.
god forbid anything we’re to happen I would NEVER hear the end of it
This is ridiculous….you could have an accident on the way to her house, on the way to work, on the way home from work….what difference does it make where you are? If its going to happen you won’t have much control. Worrying about what “might” happen simply gets in the way of living your life.
In the end its your life bee. Tell her if you want but be an adult and stick by your decisions. So what if she doesn’t approve of travel while pregnant? Who’s the boss of you??
Post # 6
ananoabee55 : So “if, god forbid anything we’re to happen” you would never tell her you were pregnant? I mean, you wouldn’t have to, it’s your business, but it seems like it might come out at some point. It’s odd to me to keep a secret from your closest loved ones for 11 weeks. Aren’t they going to nag about that when they find out? I would just tell them now and if anyone starts nagging you about travel, tell them it’s not up for discussion and if they bring it up again you’ll leave. And then do it (or hang up/stop responding to texts/etc). And if something happened while you were gone and someone dared to blame you for it, there would be a very serious impact to our relationship. I would not hide my joyful news for almost 3 months just because someone sticks their nose where it doesn’t belong.
Post # 7
Your mom clearly has an irrational fear, however that’s HER issue, not yours. If she ever gets pregnant again, she’s more than welcome to sit at home for 9 months and wait! 🤣
Seriously though, millions of pregnant women travel, doctors have guidelines for when and where it’s safe/unsafe, and as long you are healthy and listen to your body’s needs, this is a non-issue. Where are you travelling to? And what is her specific fear regarding travel? Lack of safe food/water? Violence? Air travel? Diseases? Your post suggests no travel is safe in her eyes, no matter where, which is even more bizarre. In all honesty, you are married and having a baby – it’s time mom took a step back and allow you to make your own informed decisions.
‘My husband and I planned it this way hoping we would conceive before it and this would be our babymoon’. Sounds like you planned to get pregnant before the trip, what did you think about this issue then?
Post # 8
She doesn’t have to agree. You’re an adult now, and her peer. Tell her whenever you want, and if she starts harping on you, end the conversation. “This topic is not up for discussion.” Then change the subject.
Post # 9
I get just not wanting to deal with someone’s mouth- even if you COULD push back. You’re going to be getting a lot of unsolicited advice as a mother- it’s up to you if you want to put that off as long as possible or use this time to start getting clear about when and whom you would like to hear from folks and not.
Post # 10
WillowBee33 : she had a friend who miscarried on an airplane, so naturally her opinion formed that airplanes are the problem. She also works in health care so any client experiences also sway her opinion..
If we were to travel to a zika destination, or lack of resources, violence, etc. That would also be a concern. But We’re travelling to Hawaii – which we planned as it’s Zika free. Thanks for the advice 🙂
Post # 11
TwilightRarity : I actually really like that point, hadn’t even thought of that. Thank you!
Post # 12
WillowBee33 : we did plan this ahead of time, but hadn’t thought about telling anyone as we didn’t even know if we would conceive that quickly (I got pregnant the first month of trying which we didn’t think would happen), so we weren’t sure if I would even be pregnant or if I’d be far enough along to announce it. I actually also completely forgot my mom is against pregnant travel until it’s started coming up in conversation.
She’ll stay stuff like “oh you guys are never gonna have kids cause you don’t want to give up travelling”. In which of course I respond you can travel while pregnant.
Post # 13
ananoabee55 : We all know air travel does not cause miscarriages, if that was the case, there wouldn’t be any female pilots or flight attendants! And air travel in general would be a major health issue for all women of childbearing age, which as we know isn’t.
I wouldn’t make announcing your pregnancy to your family based upon a travel date. Tell her when you feel ready and she’ll simply have to deal with it. This might be good practice for you when the baby comes – something tells me your mom is going to be full of all kinds of ‘helpful’ advice then! Good luck Bee!
Post # 14
pinkshoes : in my profession a UAE means uterine artery embolization (treatment for fibroids or hemorrhage), and would not be preformed on a pregnant woman as it would terminate the pregnancy, so when I first read this I was like, “OMG who would approve that!?” Haha
Post # 15
ananoabee55 : “she had a friend who miscarried on an airplane, so naturally her opinion formed that airplanes are the problem.” — This makes no sense. How many miscarriages DON’T happen on an airplane? If she knows of 1 that happened on an airplane, and 5 that happened at home, why isn’t she worried about pregnant home-staying?
“She’ll stay stuff like “oh you guys are never gonna have kids cause you don’t want to give up travelling”. In which of course I respond you can travel while pregnant.“
- I would assume she meant after having kids. Pregnancy is temporary. Even if you choose not to travel during pregnancy, that’s not “giving up travel”.
- Why even respond? There’s no point in arguing with someone over something that they have no control over. If she’s this illogical, you are not going to convince her. But the good news is, you don’t have to. You just live your life, no discussion required.