Should I tell my mom not to dress like a cougar?

posted 9 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7832 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Lol at your title. I understand how you’re feeling, but I’d probably just let her do her thing, provided she’s not like actually baring her tatas at your wedding. I have a 60 yr old aunt who went through a phase like this when she was between marriages a few years ago…it was really something. I know my other relatives were kinda embarrassed, but everyone just stood back and let it happen. If your mom really is dressed inappropriately, that reflects on her, not you, because she is a grown woman.

Post # 3
Member
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Maybe offer to go shopping with her? But honestly, if that’s how she always dresses I doubt you’ll find something that makes you both happy so you’re probably just going to have to accept that that’s the way she dresses.

Post # 4
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Unfortunately this is where “no pay, no say” comes back around. Do you have enough in the budget to buy her something appropriate? Or do you have a chance to take her shopping and push her towards something more suited? It might not work but it’s more likely than letting her go dress shopping in the wild…!

Post # 5
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You do nothing. She’s a grown woman and how she dresses is non of your business. You can set a dress code of course but really you can’t tell her what to wear (unless you’re buying her dress) 

Post # 6
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee

twinkletoeskenzie :  The majority of MOB dresses are really frumpy, not really stylish. If you think your mother is open to suggestions, it would be a good idea to stay away from the traditional MOB dresses, and show her other options such as those pictured below. I would also reconsider having her wear a dress with the same color as your bridesmaids.

 

Post # 7
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

Nope! You don’t get to police other womens’ bodies and slut shame them—and that’s pretty much what you are doing to your mom.

Post # 8
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

I would go shopping with her. But I like claroquesi‘s suggestions. More youthful, body-flattering, but tasteful. A separate color for your mother would be nice. She’s not a bridesmaid.

personaperson :  Eh, I’m normally of the same opinion, but there are levels of taste. And it’s her daughter’s wedding. We don’t know if her mom is wanting a bodycon, low-neckline dress, which I would agree is not “appropriate.” Most wouldn’t find that appropriate on any of their bridesmaids, either.

She can wear whatever she wants any other day. But even if she’s helping her daughter financially, she should respect OP’s vision for her wedding. Mom sounds like she likes attention.

Post # 9
Member
360 posts
Helper bee

My Mother-In-Law wanted to wear a wedding dress to my wedding complete with train and full beading.  I said no.  She ended up wearing a hideous neon green number with red flowers and pom poms.  (Yes, pom poms.)  I just let her wear her ugly dress.  You can’t control other people.  Assuming she’s not wearing something completely inappropriate like a wedding dress or a veil, let it go.  

Its sort of sad for my Mother-In-Law because she’s not in many of the wedding photos because her dress is so ugly, and looked so unattractive against everyone else’s very tasteful clothes.  Our photographer shot pictures around her and avoided pictures with her in them.  

Post # 10
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

pussinboots07 :  Well, see, you’re kind of just giving more clout to OP’s fear. That’s exactly what she wants to avoid.

Style and fashion taste are subjective, but events like most weddings have pretty limited dress parameters. It’s one day. I know people get sensitive about this, but everyone has a right to their own wedding. OP’s mom should be gracious and find something they both like.

Post # 11
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

twinkletoeskenzie :  it would help to see the dress she *wants* to wear and what you would prefer her to wear.  So post the pic she texted you….

Post # 12
Member
9551 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Let hot mama wear what she wants. 

Post # 13
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee

 I’d like to see a photo of the dress as well. It may not be as bad as you think.

Post # 14
Member
9637 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would either a) go shopping with her or b)just be honest when she sends you her options “can you please wear something more modest? This is really revealing, it would embarress me”

Post # 15
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Plenty of people have issues with boobalicious bridal gowns, sheer-too-low dresses, so I don’t see why it’s an issue to be critical of other bridal party members’ attire.

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