(Closed) Should I tell SIL she hurt my feelings?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Treasure43: Does your husband feel that she is purposely kind of snubbing you?

Post # 4
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I think it’s fine to tell her how you’re feeling. Don’t be accusatory, and please be open to her response. I told my Future Sister-In-Law that I felt like she was leaving me out of things… it began a long conversation. We basically both felt the same way, and now we’re great friends. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@kperry3: Yes! I second this. 

Definately just be honest, since you want to have a valuable relationship with you SIL

Post # 7
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@Treasure43: I know it’s a scary thing to confront someone. But you just harbor so much pain and hurt when you don’t talk about it. I truly think you’re missing out on a good friendship by ignoring the strain in the relationship. But I’ve always been a confronter & mender… so it’s hard for me to keep my mouth shut in situations like these. I let it go for a few weeks, and then I break down and talk to the person because I don’t want to be fake around them. Aka, act like we’re being nice to each other around family events, talk to each other about life events, but have distate for each other on the inside… I can’t do it, I hate that!

You could present it like this: “I’ve been feeling a little awkward around you lately, I feel like something is wrong but I’m not sure why. I wish that we could become better friends. I really want to be close to my family and it hurts me to feel like we’re not that close.”

That doesn’t sound amazing… but it’s being more careful about how you feel. You do feel hurt, but you’re not exactly telling her it’s all her fault. If you want to type what you’re thinking on here or through message, I would be glad to tell you what kind of response you may get from her ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

“Your DF’s sister and mean so much to him, I wish we could grow closer, …”

“Not only are you DF’s sister but I love x and y about you and wish we could get to know eachother better”

“I think there was some misunderstanding in the beginning, I gather, and I wish I could set things straight”

“I feel like there’s some coolness between us that I don’t want to be there – have I done anything to hurt you? I assure it was entirely unintentional. How can I make amends?”

 

some ideas – fwiw

Post # 9
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think next time you see her talk to her about how you are feeling. If she feels like you two are not close or her feelings got hurt from back when she thought you werent excited or whatever, she isnt going to initiate. She is still probably hurt. Valid reason or not. Remember she is all pregnant and hormonal, and if she is anything like I was God help everyone around her lol. I wouldnt be to hurt. In her mind you all are not close, and I would tell my brother over my SIL something anyday.. Idk dont be to hurt and talk it out when you can. I dont think she did this to be mean.

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