Post # 1
Long backstory of SIL and I getting off to a rough start. Then she announced she was pregnant and didn’t feel like Darling Husband and I were excited enough and apparently told Mother-In-Law she thinks I hate her guts.
So I’ve been trying to reach out to her. I’ve been emailing her every few weeks, asking how things are going with the pregnancy, etc. She’ll e-mail back…but never initiates anything. I tried to get together a time for us to hang out or go shopping, but the only weekend she was free was DH’s and my one year anniversary, and I wasn’t willing to give that up. After the earthquake, I texted her to see if she was alright, etc. With everything, she responds but NEVER initiates.
I got a job on Thursday and when I told Mother-In-Law, she said she thought I should call SIL and tell her, because Mother-In-Law wanted me to be the one to tell her. So I called SIL and left her a message, since she didn’t pick up. She ended up calling me back later and I missed her call and she left a message.
Today, SIL found out they’re having a boy! Yet, she didn’t tell me. She called Darling Husband and told him….and then he told me. Is it stupid that I’m a little hurt she didn’t ask to talk to me or even send me a text and let me know? Especially after Mother-In-Law made such a big deal over me telling SIL about my job?
I’d like to talk to her about this whole thing….because honestly, I feel like I’m always the one trying to initiate a relationship with her and I honestly feel like she’s never made any effort at all to make me feel like part of the family 🙁
Post # 3
@Treasure43: Does your husband feel that she is purposely kind of snubbing you?
Post # 4
I think it’s fine to tell her how you’re feeling. Don’t be accusatory, and please be open to her response. I told my Future Sister-In-Law that I felt like she was leaving me out of things… it began a long conversation. We basically both felt the same way, and now we’re great friends. 🙂
Post # 4
@Eva Peron: He actually asked me if I wanted him to tell her she needed to call me and tell me about it being a boy. But I had already sent her a text saying Congratulations, I had heard it was a boy 🙂
Post # 5
@kperry3: Yes! I second this.
Definately just be honest, since you want to have a valuable relationship with you SIL
Post # 6
@kperry3: I think I’m just a little worried about bringing it up because we did have such a rough start and our relationship is still a bit uncomfortable and strained. But I do feel like I’m the only one making any effort, yet she’s always complaining that she thinks I hate her and this frustrates me.
Post # 7
@Treasure43: I know it’s a scary thing to confront someone. But you just harbor so much pain and hurt when you don’t talk about it. I truly think you’re missing out on a good friendship by ignoring the strain in the relationship. But I’ve always been a confronter & mender… so it’s hard for me to keep my mouth shut in situations like these. I let it go for a few weeks, and then I break down and talk to the person because I don’t want to be fake around them. Aka, act like we’re being nice to each other around family events, talk to each other about life events, but have distate for each other on the inside… I can’t do it, I hate that!
You could present it like this: “I’ve been feeling a little awkward around you lately, I feel like something is wrong but I’m not sure why. I wish that we could become better friends. I really want to be close to my family and it hurts me to feel like we’re not that close.”
That doesn’t sound amazing… but it’s being more careful about how you feel. You do feel hurt, but you’re not exactly telling her it’s all her fault. If you want to type what you’re thinking on here or through message, I would be glad to tell you what kind of response you may get from her 🙂
Post # 8
“Your DF’s sister and mean so much to him, I wish we could grow closer, …”
“Not only are you DF’s sister but I love x and y about you and wish we could get to know eachother better”
“I think there was some misunderstanding in the beginning, I gather, and I wish I could set things straight”
“I feel like there’s some coolness between us that I don’t want to be there – have I done anything to hurt you? I assure it was entirely unintentional. How can I make amends?”
some ideas – fwiw
Post # 9
I think next time you see her talk to her about how you are feeling. If she feels like you two are not close or her feelings got hurt from back when she thought you werent excited or whatever, she isnt going to initiate. She is still probably hurt. Valid reason or not. Remember she is all pregnant and hormonal, and if she is anything like I was God help everyone around her lol. I wouldnt be to hurt. In her mind you all are not close, and I would tell my brother over my SIL something anyday.. Idk dont be to hurt and talk it out when you can. I dont think she did this to be mean.
Post # 10
@Treasure43: Let her know how you feel…