Should I tell the bride I'm getting divorced (matron of honor)

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If my sister didn’t tell me she was going through a divorce just because my wedding was coming up, I’d feel super weird about it when I found out later. She’s your sister and you two are close. Tell her and let her be there for you. Her wedding shouldn’t affect your relationship to that extent. 

Post # 3
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

The truth will out and I agree with PP about this being a big thing to keep from his sister. It is of course your business, but if you want to tell her then I’d just get it over and done with before the wedding so the news will spread. I hope it’s not too awkward for you whatever you decide. Families can be tough!

Post # 4
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
weddingbee11111 :  Don’t worry about her. What do YOU want to do? Will you feel better if she knows and can support you? If so, then tell her – it doesn’t matter that she’s getting married, divorce isn’t infectious. You need to look after your own needs at the moment.

Post # 5
5 posts

I would tell her. November is kinda long to keep that from your sister! If you’re worried about breaking the news to the whole family before the wedding, maybe you could just keep it between the two of y’all and wait until thing are more finalized to tell the family. 

Post # 6
11 posts
  • Wedding: May 2018

When I was going through my divorce my best friend thought I wouldn’t want to be in the wedding or be apart of anything as if I was tainted or something…bottom line was I was thrilled to be apart of her love story. I think bringing that all up front, so she doesn’t feel like she walks on eggshells with you. You especially need your sister at this time and she’d be bummed if she couldn’t be there for you 

Post # 7
5917 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

That’s a long time to pretend to everyone that you’re still married to so I would tell her.

Post # 8
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’d just treat her like you would treat her if she wasn’t getting married. There’s still over a whole month until the wedding. If you tell her afterwards she’ll realise that it had been going on before the wedding anyway, and then she’ll feel weird you didn’t tell her.

Post # 9
1834 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I agree that November is a long way off. Better to be honest.

Post # 10
124 posts
Blushing bee

I would come out with it and just tell her. I doubt she would want you to hold it all in just for the sake for saving face publicly. Besides even though you say he works overseas and wouldn’t physically be present at her wedding, everyone will ask and you don’t want to have to lie to everyone. Tell your sister now because she will undoubtedly support you if you are that close and you are her maid of honor, and tell the rest of family slowly starting next month so they have time to get process it and talk it though before you see them all at her wedding. Everyone will already know and that way they won’t make a big deal out of it on her wedding day and you won’t be bombarded with “what happened!?!” And “are oh ok?” 100 times that day. 

Sorry to hear you are separated, I hope you find happiness again very soon! 

Post # 11
87 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
mrsshaw5 :  this is EXACTLY what happened to me when I told my best friend that I was getting separated and she asked me to step down as maid of honor because “it would be too much to handle”. That being said, I think as it OP’s sister, she should definitely tell her. 

Post # 12
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

View original reply
weddingbee11111 :  I would tell her. Let her know that your relationship does not affect the role you have in her wedding and that you are stil excited for her. I would not make any announcements or start any buzz about it at her wedding, so if you want to ask that she keeps it provate until after the wedding and once your situation is more finalized, I’m sure she can respect that since I can imagine she wouldn’t want that to be the topic of discussion at her wedding.

If I didn’t tell my sister something this big in my life, there would be a strain on our relationship.

Post # 13
13073 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Life isn’t put on hold because someone is getting married. If I was your sister, I’d certainly want to know and would feel terrible if it came out later that you hadn’t for this reason.  I’d tell immediate family now and other people later on if that’s what you prefer. 

Post # 14
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Why on earth would you not tell your “very close” sister that you’re getting a divorce?

Post # 15
6911 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
weddingbee11111 :  Just because you tell your sister doesn’t mean you have to tell anyone else now. I had a friend whose wife literally filed for divorce the week they were supposed to attend a wedding. It came as a big shock to me (apparently they had been having problems for a while though and just kept it to themselves, which is totally fine) and he was at a loss as to what to say to people at this wedding when they asked where his wife was. I told him to just say she was sick/couldn’t make it. No need to tell all these people what’s going on! 

So that would be my same advice to you. You say that you and your sister are very close. In your shoes I couldn’t imagine trying to keep this sort of thing a secret from her. Just because she knows doesn’t mean anyone else has to know.  

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