(Closed) Should I tell the wives that they cheated?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


It sounds like you want to stir up drama for whatever reason. It doesn’t concern you, at all, so just stay out of it.. Like you have for the past few years..

Post # 17
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

BeeWhoMustNotBeName123:  No. You “know” but it’s all from someone else, you didn’t actually see anything. I would only tell someone if I personally saw it happen, or if they hit on/slept with me. (e.g. Once I slept with a guy who told me he was single and I later found out he had a girlfriend, I told her.)

Post # 18
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

BeeWhoMustNotBeName123:  Stay out of it! I had friends who has guys who cheated on them while they were bf/gf. They solved it themselves. Sometimes they broke up and sometimes they moved past it and got married.

I predict you will look like an ASS and risk losing friends if you bring it up now.

Post # 19
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would want to know. Married or not they were still a couple when it happened. The first case seems too tame to bother with but the second is just horrible. Why didn’t you say anything when you found out? It is so much more difficult to deal with now that they’re married.

Post # 20
9098 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you actually were concerned, you would have spoken up when it happened. 

Post # 21
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No, no, no. No!

1) These things happened a long time ago, in both cases before they were married. That doesn’t excuse it, but it’s not your place to be dragging up old ghosts.

2) You are 99.999% sure. Never say something unless you are 100% sure, and even then, in this case, I would keep my mouth shut.

Post # 22
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If you were truly concerned about their well-being, you would have shared before they got married, would you not?  Telling them now- it’s like you want to create drama.  None of this strikes as “good Samaritan” worthy.

Post # 23
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Oh my goodness. Please do not say anything. 

First of all, the line about “Now that I’m married, I feel like I should say something” comes off as a bit strange. As if you didn’t take relationships seriously, and now that you are married you “get it”. Secondly, if you’ve been holding onto this information for a few years, keep on holding onto it and take it to the grave.

As another PP mentioned, you have no idea if these wives know or not. Perhaps it’s been discussed within their relationship, or the couples went to counseling about it. It’s not your place at all to bring this up, especially if you’re not even close with the wives as you mentioned.

If a wife of my FI’s friend who I wasn’t friendly with called me up and told me that she’s known for a few years about a cheating ordeal, I’d have an assortment of mixed emotions, and probably would want nothing to do with that couple at all.

On top of all this, this is all hearsay.

And how would your Darling Husband feel about you confronting his friend’s wives about these situations?


Post # 24
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m with everybody else – stay out of it! You were not a part of, or a direct witness to, either of these events, so it’s all hearsay (even if it is from reliable sources). And, more importantly, this all happened years ago! Why bring it up now? Especially if you aren’t particularly close to these wives. Leave it alone. 

Post # 25
6383 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I’m with everybody else: stay out of it.  It hapened years ago, before they were married; you did not witness it, so it’s hearsay (regardless of how reliable you think your sources are), and you are not close to the wives.  When it happended, you passed at the opportunity of saying something before marriage happened, doing it now comes across as an attempt to create drama.

Post # 26
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would want to know but I’d be pissed that you didn’t tell me before I got married. 

Post # 27
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Definitely let this go. Unless you saw this with your own eyes, and it is still current, it will cause more harm than good.

Post # 28
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

No no no. This is not your place, and you could do serious damage by sharing this knowledge now. Please keep your mouth shut, and try to not worry about other people’s relationships.

Post # 29
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

BeeWhoMustNotBeName123:  I know someone who was cheating on her SO for a prolonged period of time with the same man. I opted to keep it to myself because I didn’t have any firsthand proof. In cases where your evidence is heresay (even from a very realiable source) I do feel its inappropriate to say anything. If you witnessed something I think it’s fair to tell providing you only share what you actually saw and don’t make any inferences outside of that. 

Personally I feel that another person’s relationship is sacred ground and it is not my place to interefere unless absolutely necessary. If someone is a cheater I am of the opinion they will eventually get themselves caught. Getting caught up in someone else’s relationship is not a good place to be.

Post # 30
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

BeeWhoMustNotBeName123:  …if you’ve known about it for this long and haven’t told, i’m skeptical of your logic for wanting to tell now (and if i missed where you explained this, that’s my bad). after years in both cases, you’re basically just making messes for other women to clean up. honestly, it’s not even your business.

if this had happened yesterday, my answer might be a little different…but i mean it’s been years! they might have already talked about these things and moved past them! seriously let it go and take a note: mind your business, leave them to theirs.

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