Post # 1
When I first met Fiance I had just gotten out of a long term relationship. We clicked instantly and were together almost every day for three months. I met him through his brother who was my neighbor at the time. My ex came back in the picture and proposed I was confused at the time because I had been in my previous relationship for over five years. My Mother put a lot of pressure on me and got in my head so I went back to my ex. My heart wasn’t in it, and I realized I made a big mistake. I gave my ex the ring back and it took me another two months to work up the courage to call Fiance, of course he didn’t want nothing to do with me and so we didn’t talk for over eight months. About a year after I broke off the previous engagement he came to my city for work and we met up. We talked a lot and hung out and started dating again on our one year anniversary Fiance proposed.
During the time we been together I’ve seen his brother about five times(I think he is trying to avoid me) and he is always very polite but cold towards me. I get the sense that he doesn’t completely trust me. Which I understand I have a twin and three older brothers and if someone did that to them I would react in the same way. Fiance said to give him time, but he doesn’t seem to be coming around and I think he has doubts about me marrying his brother, which isn’t good because he is the best men. In March we are going to FMIL’s house to meet extended family members and she going to host a dinner for us. While we are there part of me wants to take him out to lunch or something and clear the air with him, and another part of me wonders if I should just leave him alone because he is very respectful towards me even if I get the sense that he doesn’t like me or trust me anymore because at this point I have enough drama with this wedding coming from my side of the family. What do you guys think I should do? Any advice is appreciated.
Post # 3
I’m sure part of him is afraid you’ll break his brother’s heart (I would be very leery of it) but I don’t see any harm in trying to clear the air with him.
Post # 4
I dont see how you can clear the air with him just by talking or taking him out to lunch. You telling him that he can trust you isnt going to change anything. I think you should take your FI’s advice and just give it time. With time they will come to realize that this time your mind is made up to stay with your Fiance. Actions speak louder than words.
Post # 5
I have no plans on asking him to trust me. I was just thinking of talking to him because when we get together there a strange tension in the room which other people have picked on and I don’t want Future Mother-In-Law or the family to pick up on it. I don`t expect him to all of sudden go back to liking me, but maybe he will have a bit more respect for me if I take him out myself and explain how I feel about his brother. Just be direct about my intentions and things like that. Plus he used to be my friend so I want to have some kind of relationship with him.
I see what you mean about actions speaking louder then words. Thanks for the advice so far.
Post # 6
@TwoCityBride: I think your last response it right on. Yes, it will probably take time for his brother to trust that you won’t hurt his brother and for things to go back to being “normal.” However, I think you may make some progress and gain back some respect if you open up to him. If you explain you know you were confused and made a mistake going back to your ex before, but the feelings you have for your Fiance cannot be overlooked and that he is the person you want to be with. Now you have no doubts. That may help ease some of the tension, and at least give him some insight that you do care how he (brother) views you and you want to make things right.