(Closed) Should I wait for a proposal, or cut my losses and run?

posted 2 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 76
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

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@thinkingtoohard:  of course now he’s devastated, they usually are when it’s too late and good for you for focusing on your life now.

Post # 77
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Ah, so now it’s internalized sexism that keeps exgirlfriends from asking for 5 figure severances?  

Or perhaps it was OP’s internalized sexism that kept her from negotiating for her due payment when working for a business because her boyfriend owned it?   OP, if you don’t see the irony in your “business savvy” boyfriend teaching you to negotiate for your worth when you were going up against anyone other than him, but never getting around to making your gift of labor into an actual service contract or loan… wow. 

It sounds like you’re blaming the wrong people for the sexism in your setup. 

Post # 78
Member
23 posts
Newbee

 

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@coffeecakez:  No, I suggested it reeks of internalized sexism to discourage a woman from even thinking about asking for money in a breakup on account of it being “gold digger”-y, (which is a misogynist concept to begin with) and/or not supported by law, and suggesting her reputation should be ruined as a result.

All the laws that protect women in marriage and divorce exist to acknoledge that women’s labor (paid or unpaid) contributes to the financial, social, and emotional wellbeing of the couple, as well as the higher-earning partner’s capacity to earn money. Just because we aren’t legally married doesn’t mean that my investment didn’t have real, tangible, financial influences in our shared life together, or on his personal finances. I think it’s low-key sexist for people on this board to suggest that it’s morally corrupt for me to ask for that to be acknoledged, in a personal discussion between partners, because it doesn’t mirror a(n irrelevant) legal framework that they happen to be comparing it to.

Anytime I worked in a professional context for my partner I had a contract; I haven’t said otherwise.

I haven’t blamed anyone for anything. Nor have I been complaining about sexism in my relationship, just from some members of this board.

Post # 79
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

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@thinkingtoohard:  I would argue that your attitude is the sexist one. And to clarify based on your comment below–I mean you are being sexist towards WOMEN. By asking your EX-boyfriend for money to which you are not legally entitled you are perpetuating the stereotype that women are victims who can’t take care of themselves or understand their legal standing and are thus better off being dependent on men. You are also perpetuating the idea that women aren’t as smart and savvy as men because you’re making it pretty clear that you made bad financial decisions in your relationship with this guy and you can’t own them or fix them on your own. I don’t think you’re doing a big huge service to women here, no matter how you try to spin it.  You can’t claim to be an empowered woman worthy of respect in society but then ask for handouts from your ex who you are DUMPING as a result of your own mistakes. 

Post # 80
Member
23 posts
Newbee

 

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@yogahammy:  

Seriously? Reverse sexism? Handouts?

We clearly have diametrically opposed politics. Thanks for sharing your POV, but I’m not interested in debating with you personally.

Post # 81
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

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@thinkingtoohard:  I’m not saying reverse sexism–as in sexism towards men. I’m arguing your attitude is sexist toward WOMEN in that you are creating the impression women are unsavvy, uninformed creatures who are dependent on men.  And if you’re insinuating I’m a Republican or conservative or something you can shove it because I’m not. You just misapprehended my point.

Post # 82
Member
23 posts
Newbee

 

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@yogahammy:  I haven’t said that women are unsavvy, uninformed “creatures,” however you just insinuated that I am those things. Not sure how that makes me sexist, but it does demonstrate my original point that some of your attitudes seem to be influenced by sexist cultural attitudes.

Post # 83
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

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@thinkingtoohard:  Never said you were those things. I said you were creating an impression that feeds into sexist stereotypes. Me pointing out how you could be playing into sexist stereotypes says nothing about my “cultural attitudes.”

Post # 84
Member
23 posts
Newbee

 

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@yogahammy:  I’m not “creating” anything. Impressions are in the bias of the beholder, and your biases are on full display.

Post # 85
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

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@thinkingtoohard:  Nope. But the majority consensus on this thread is that your ignorance and entitlement sure are. 

Post # 86
Member
6 posts
Newbee

OP, I can see that this thread is spiraling, but I hope you stick around to give us an update about what happens. 

Post # 87
Member
23 posts
Newbee

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@anotherb12:  

Spiraling, indeed. Yes I will keep you all posted on the outcome. Thanks to everyone who everyone who offered the encouragement I was looking for.

Post # 88
Hostess
5268 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2007 - City, State

Closing thread due to flags. 

The topic ‘Should I wait for a proposal, or cut my losses and run?’ is closed to new replies.

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