Should I wait for him to fall in love with me?

posted 3 days ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

We’ve been arguing about his lack of love for me because I am devistated that he doesn’t love me like I love him, but he said that he is trying to love me and I can tell that he is trying for me.

Nope.  You’re too young for this.  You deserve to be spending your 20s with someone who makes you feel good.  Please move on.

Post # 4
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Your relationship shouldn’t be this hard. It sounds like he’s putting the blame 100% on you when emotional connectedness is a 2-way street, deployed or not, depressed or not. It’s like you’re being told that you need to “earn” his love which isn’t OK. 

You’re young and the relationship is young. I’d personally leave and make myself available for something where I’d be naturally valued and loved without strings attached. 

Post # 5
Member
3796 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It definitely shouldn’t be this hard. Don’t settle for this nonsense. Time to move on.

Post # 6
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Men experience depression differently than we do.  You might check out some articles on the subject to get his perspective, but at the end of the day, that really isn’t on you.  If you are going to have to slay his dragons at 21 imagine how hard the rest of life will be.  I say that you recommend that he get some professional help….maybe you talk to someone, too as you move out of this relationship, and you move on to someone who does not need you earn his love.

Post # 7
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Carlisle PA

Of course negative experiences can change the way you see a person.

I think it would be better for both of you to cut your losses and move on from this relationship  entirely. December was not exactly a long time ago. You hurt him, he hurt you, and it is not healthy to sweep things under the rug for the sake of being in a relationship. Those things don’t go away, they fester. They become sentences like “well I forgave him so he should forgive me”. It isn’t supposed to be tit-for-tat like that. 

Maybe at least take a break to grow as people before making a commitment to take care of one another. 

Post # 8
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

As someone who fell in love at 17 and went through devestating arguments and moments throughout the relationship, who moved out with him and was hurt so much by him, and who spent all her energy trying and trying and arguing and fighting to be in a “healthy” relationship with him all the way to age 21….

let me just spare you the time, energy, and possibility if you yourself becoming depressed….leave. That’s it. Just leave. You’ll be okay. Especially a few months from now when you’re crushing on a new guy that may be a lot easier to love. 

Post # 9
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 1985

Sweet Bee I know this is difficult to hear but you need to consider moving on. You are young and deserve the love you want and deserve. Please consider ending this relationship, at least for now. 

Post # 10
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Sounds like at this point in life you 2 just aren’t right for each other. 

Post # 11
Member
6783 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

at 21, none of this bullshit is worth it. (nor is it worth it at 31, 51, 61, or 81). You are too young to be settling and making relationship choices out of desperation.

Get out, asap.

Post # 12
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

What exactly do you love about him?  In that very long post, you literally didn’t say one nice thing about him.  All I see are reasons to cut and run.

Could it be you are more in love with the thought of love than you are with “him”?  Be honest….

Post # 13
Member
10201 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Hard pass.

Post # 14
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Never let someone tell you that you are in anyway responsible for their mental health. Him even implying that you not supporting him in his battle with depression when you are a kind empathetic person who I’m sure did all she could is wrong. He is setting you up to feel responsible for his emotions. You aren’t. He is. Period end of story. 

Move on from this relationship and find someone who has control of their emotions, doesn’t expect their partner to take on that responsibility. Find someone who when they have a mental health issue or any other issue, are seeking treatment for it and at the very least have a functioning plan in place. Do not date someone who still doesn’t have their issues under control or managed. Someone who need this much help from their partner needs to be single. Let him go be single and do the work on himself that he so obviously needs. You can’t help him. He needs to help himself. 

Post # 15
Member
12792 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Move on. He doesn’t love you and has mental health issues that are not your responsibility to deal with even if he did. Four months in, which is all you were when he left, there should be no rocky moments. Why is this even a question? 

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