Post # 1
I have this male friend who I’m really close with. We met in high school and we’ve been really close since. The problem is that when we were in high school, he told me he was in love with me. I had a boyfriend back then and told him that I could only be his friend. He of course moved on but we somehow managed to keep our friendship. We’ve been really close since and he’s very good friends with my husband as well. After my wedding, I didn’t see him for about a year. He’s been dating a girl, who I honestly like a lot and we have gone on double dates in the past. I recently got in touch with him again after about a year and we went to have coffee together (His gf knew and all). He told he all he had been up to and told me about him cheating on his current gf. He told me all about how she found out and how they broke up for a while. We’ve been in touch since and we text and FB very often. He’s a very good friend and I really cherish our friendship as awkward as it had gotten. One drunken night he told her about him being in love with me back in high school but this was before he cheated. Turns out his gf has asked him to stop textin me or having any contact with me. I told my Darling Husband about this and he said he coudl talk to her and just let her know that I’m no threat to their relationship. He feels that if he talks to her she will see that he has no issue with our frienship and she shoudl feel the same. However, I don’t know if I should just walk away. I mean, he’s one of my best friends. We’ve been friends since high school!! We have been through so much together and he had NEVER ever disrespected me. I feel so sad that I had to stop talking to him. He told me that he really loved his gf and even plans to propose soon. He says it is only a phase and that she will get over it, but I kind of feel like walking away because I don’t want to cause any problems.
What would you do?
Post # 3
My opinion, YES walk away from it. you don’t need such drama and awkwardness in your life. your Darling Husband may not show it but he may have a problem with an ex crush being in contact and also blurting out to his gf that he was in love with you back in high school.
what do you gain from the friendship? friends are meant to encourage you, motivate you etc but this one may be a little too much and can affect both his relationship and yours. just walk away and make your husband your best friend.
Post # 4
@amoret11: I’m not going to lie, the moment he said that he planted a seed in her head, and the moment he cheated on her he made it grow. She could be the most emotionally stable woman on the planet, but she will have trust issues where ANY female is concerned
And even more so where a female best friend is concerned.
Im not saying to drop him like a hot plate, but let the friendship die naturally. You said that you hadn’t seen each other for a year and then ” caught up” . If you do meet up with him invite him AND her, or it be you Darling Husband and him . That will help her to ” trust ” you or at the bet least not feel disrespected by you / you meddling in their relationship
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Either walk away or become best friends with the Girlfriend, too. Which means, do NOT be with him unless she is there until she regains her trust of him.
Post # 6
OP, i think you need to be honest with yourself as to why you want to stay in this friendship and why you want to walk away because until you know the reasons of wanting him in your life and the reasons of letting him go then you wont be torn about it. the deep down reasons not just the expected reasons.
Post # 7
@amoret11: if the friendship means that much to you i would suggest keeping your distance.
you could keep the friendship in tact that way just dont get so involved texing and FBing.
i have been in a situation like this before and i didn’t want to lose my friend so i keep my distance and still talked to him. if your cool with her talk to her as well ask her to go on a girl day with you lunch and shopping and go from there. right now she might need a friend herself.
i feel so bad he cheated on her and him saying shell get over it only proves hell do it again.
its so sad. good luck and i hope it all works out for you!
Post # 8
Ohhhhh boy. I’ve been in this situation. Not with a best guy friend, but with a guy friend. He had expressed to me when we were both single that he was interested, but I liked his friend and dated him instead. He married this girl who I was friendly with, but not best friends or anything. He told me that he “hasn’t been innocent” in his marriage to her. I assume he meant he cheated. It was an awkward conversation and I didn’t ask him to clarify. Anyway, he wanted to keep our conversations and friendship on the downlow from his wife, which was strange to me but it wasn’t my business and I was always appropriate.
One day, I received an email from his wife basically threatening me and I got really angry and told her that she’s making a huge misatake bullying me as I’ve been nothing but respectful to her and her marriage and that she had better reevaluate who she is angry at since I am not the one in a relationship with her. She changed her tone and began confiding in me that he’s lied to her and been unfaithful, etc and I felt extremely uncomfortable with how I was suddenly in the midst of marital drama that I had nothing to do with. I didn’t get any of my feelings involved and told her that I wish I could help her, but she’s not looking at the right place for help and wished her luck.
It’s my friends fault for cheating on her and it’s her fault for marrying him knowing what he’s already done to her. Once a man cheats, it’s always in the back of a woman’s mind no matter how secure she is. If he marries her, she will most likely suffocate him and he will probably have secret relationships or friendships and have a secret life behind her back.
If I were you, I’d just stay neutral and not contact him. If he contacts you, fine, but I wouldn’t add fuel to his already burning fire.
Post # 9
If you like having tons and tons of drama in your life keep the friendship, otherwise, walk away.
Post # 10
We don’t usually meet up alone, he just wanted to talk about what they went through with the breakup and all. My Darling Husband is indeed my best friend, but he’s a very good friend too. He has supported me through thick and thin before I met Darling Husband. He was part of our wedding and all that good stuff.
I talk to her still, she doesn’t know that I know she asked him not to talk to me anymore. She’s really sweet and she even jokes with me. When he told me he cheated, I told him he had made a huge mistake and that she was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to him. Every now and then when they have an argument, he contacts me for advice. I really think he’s clueless but he did her very wrong by cheating. I really like her and would like her to know that I’m nowhere near to harm her relationship.
I get what you’re all saying. I was really upset because I thought she was ending our friendship, but my friend was the one who’s really driving it to end because he cheated, therefore the consequence is that we can no longer be besties until she can trust him back. I’m really trying to walk on her shoes here, and it seems like she has all the right to do what she’s doing.
Post # 11
@amoret11: Walk away. If he plans to marry this girl and cares for her that much then he has to respect her request. Your friendship has probably prevented him from fully getting over his feelings for you.
Regardless of if he still secretly has feelings or not, he has to show his relationship the respect it deserves, and if his gf soon to be Fiance is uncomfortable with your friendship, then he needs to end it, and you need to respect their relationship enough to accept that.
Post # 12
I don’t think the choice is your’s to make. You should let you best freind choose whether or not he wants to end the friendship and follow his wishes.
Post # 13
The real issue here is why is HE not respecting her request? I get that you guys are super tight, but of course if he said he used to be in love with you and then he cheated on her, she’s going to be jealous and angry. Who wouldn’t be? It sounds like their relationship has trust issues.