Post # 1
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
The tradition of the father “giving away” his daughter really kinda bugs me. I reaalllly don’t like the symbolism. I lived with my mom growing up (though I did make regular visits to my Dad’s) but I never really felt like he was a dominant figure in my life. Another big part of that is that my dad hasn’t made much effort in our relationship over the past few years. In fact, he’s done a few things that have really hurt me. I’m also still getting over the horrible way he left my stepmom (with whom I was very close) a few months ago. I don’t know. The whole thing feels “off”.
I know lots of modern brides go down the aisle alone…but help me out here…what do you all think of this?
EDITED TO ADD: I feel like I kinda made my dad out to be a bad guy. He’s really not – he’s a pretty decent person all around and overall we do get along quite well. I guess I just feel that he could have done more to be a bigger part of my life in the past few years.
Post # 3
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
If you don’t want him to walk you down the aisle, then don’t. My biological was quite abusive and I haven’t seen him since I was 16… he will be getting an invite but I will be letting him know that my mother & her husband will be walking me down the aisle.
I don’t feel bad about it.
Post # 4
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
I’d say go with your heart on this one. But based on what you shared about the relationship you have with your dad, I’d suggest walking up the aisle on your own. Good luck to you!
Post # 5
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
Alone is lovely. I’m with you on the sentiment of the tradition. Darling Husband and I walked down the aisle together, and it was one of my favorite parts about the ceremony 🙂
Post # 6
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
My Dad and I both agreed that we were uncomfortable with the symbolism. My Dad and I are very close, but I plan to walk alone. I’m surprised at how many people objected to this though! to me, it was no biggie.
Post # 7
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
In your situation, it sounds like you should not have your father walk you down the aisle. You can go it alone, but is that what you really want? I’d find someone else, a mother, brother, favorite uncle, grandfather, etc. It’ll mean a lot to whoever you ask, and then you’ll still get that experience of holding onto someone as you walk down the aisle, feeling their love and support as you meet your soon-to-be-husband at the end.
Post # 8
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
I’m totally advocating the Swedish tradition here on weddingbee – walk down the aisle with your FI! The idea is that you walk in together, to show that you’re both walking into the marriage with joy. It’s also done to show that the couple is equal; no one is being given away.
Post # 9
Member
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
How about a mom, stepmom, or another very close relative? I’m a little old fashioned and don’t like the idea of brides walking down the aisle by themselves, but that’s ME. You have to do what’s best for you.
Post # 10
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
Thank you all for your comments. I am really liking the “Swedish” tradition here – walking down with FI! I do like the idea of coming in on my own, but perhaps having my Fiance meet me part of the way and come up the aisle with me. Things to think about!
Thank you all 🙂
Post # 11
Member
4511 posts
Honey bee
Definitely just go with your gut on this one. Even if you were really close with your dad but didn’t want to do it because you object to the symbolism, that’d be reason enough. That moment when you’re walking down the aisle is so sacred — you should do exactly what you want to do.
Full disclosure: I walked down the aisle alone, mostly because I object to the symbolism as well, but also because of complicated family dynamics (I have a dad and an important stepdad…). I haven’t regretted it, and — contrary to what my mom thought would happen — no one even commented on it.
Post # 12
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I feel you. My parents divorced when I was a baby and my dad was never around (though I found out why years later). He passed away a few years ago, and my mother and I have no relationship. I will be walking down the aisle alone, because I’m very independent and have taken care of myself for a long time. I could walk with my grandma, uncle, or any number of others who have offered (my Future Father-In-Law, for one), but I think walking alone will be a nice gesture to myself.
Post # 13
Member
9 posts
Newbee
@eocenia: That’s what I’m doing! I hope it’s something that catches on.
As a guest, it is great to see the excitiment, anticipation, and happiness of a couple walking together right before they are officially married.
Post # 14
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
@Rocketzoly: I wasn’t sure how my Fiance would take it when I first suggested it (I felt like I had already pressed so many Swedish things into the wedding – getting married there for example), but he immediately liked the idea and said that he was much more comfortable with that rather than receiving me from my dad.
How did you find out about this tradition?
Post # 15
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
@vorpalette: How empowering.
Post # 16
Member
9 posts
Newbee
@eocenia: Fiance and I saw it at a wedding we went to and were told that it is an old Catholic tradition (believe it or not!). We are neither Swedish nor Catholic but really liked the idea. It was as much his idea as mine actually. Although I must admit that as my father (who was awesome) has passed, it was probably an easier decision for me than it would be for some other brides.
