Post # 1
I’m getting married in May and have made the decision with my fiance that we do not want any children invited to our wedding – it will be an adults only reception. However, my fiance has 2 nieces, who will be 10 & 5 at the time of the wedding, and they are both in the wedding party. we do not have a ring bear. i love his nieces very very much as if they were my own flesh & blood. however – although they are in the wedding party, i really do not want them to stay at the reception the whole time. i would really prefer that they are part of the ceremony, do pictures in between with the wedding party, are introduced at the reception with the wedding party, have dinner at the head table, and then head home with a babysitter. every time we are with them they are constantly hanging all over me, which is usually fine but at my wedding i obviously don’t want that. i would think family wouldnt allow this but still, i just dont want any children at the reception, inclduing them. my soon to be SIL & Brother-In-Law (their parents) are both in the wedding party and i know they are going to be drinking and the responsibility will fall on my Mother-In-Law which i don’t think is right.
is it rude of me to not want them there the whole reception? has anyone else had kids in the wedding party leave after dinner or even not be included in the reception at all?
Post # 2
If you want a kid free wedding, don’t include kids in the wedding party.
Yes, it is extremely rude to use them at props for your ceremony and photos and then send them home because you don’t want them hanging on you.
Post # 3
if it was my choice, i wouldn’t include any kids in the wedding party either, however we are very close with his nieces and the day wouldn’t be complete without them – my fiance especially does not want them left out. we aren’t using them as props by any means. i want them at the ceremony, but don’t really think receptions are a palce for kids – part of the wedding party or not.
Post # 4
The reception is to thank people for attending the ceremony. Everyone who is invited to the ceremony – and especially those who are taking part in the ceremony – must be invited to the full reception. It doesn’t matter if they are adults or children. It’s rude to only want them around for the cute photo op parts but then to kick them out for the fun part of the night.
Post # 5
Logistical nightmare and I would also be prepared that their parents might also leave early. Also the girls might feel left out. I don’t think an American wedding reception is an appropriate place for children either but if you invite them to the ceremony then keep them for reception
Post # 6
needmorewine : @ashleyroo – i understand where you’re coming from completely. it does seem rude in a sense, and i guess at the end of the day if my SIL & Brother-In-Law have to leave early with their kids, oh well. but with them being part of the wedding party too, that would be a shame. i just feel it will be a very long day for the girls and that they could do without being at the reception all night.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!
Offer to hire an on-site babysitter for them and mention you want the parents a chance to relax? Otherwise it would be rude.
Post # 8
kaitlyn8298 : it doesn’t SEEM rude, it IS rude to do what you are proposing. It’s rude to the children and to your SIL and Brother-In-Law. If you don’t care about being rude to your in laws then I guess it’s your choice. What does your fiancé want? Will he be ok with his family being offended by this rude treatment?
Post # 9
I reeeeally don’t think you’re going to notice if they are there or not. You’re going to be incredibly busy, surrounded by all your friends and family. Whether or not your nieces are dancing with their parents on the dance floor really isn’t going to affect your night.
Post # 10
Maybe the parents already plan to leave early? I went to a friends wedding where they had 3 kids in their bridal party, they stayed for dinner and about an hour of the reception then the parents (also part of the wedding party) left with the kids … so maybe it’ll happen like that? If not, I agree if they are in the wedding they should be at the reception… maybe just have a talk with them that it’s your special day and they can’t hang on you while you’re all dressed up because it’s a special dress, I’m sure they can handle that. Also have a table set up for them with coloring and whatever else may keep them entertained.
Post # 11
moissamight : Two problems with the “I want you to be able to relax” approach:
1. Some parents actually want to be around their kids and will be more relaxed with them there than with a babysitter.
2. It’s a lie and you can’t very well follow up the parents possibly declining the offer by telling them they don’t actually have a choice.
Post # 12
The short answer to your title question is yes.
You’re putting their parents in a bad position by enforcing rules on their kids. They know their children: if they know their girls will be unhappy with the length of the wedding reception, they’ll get someone to retreieve them on their own. They’re part of the wedding party and you shouldn’t make them choose between going home with their children and celebrating their nearest and dearest’s wedding.
As a six-year-old flower girl, I was excited about playing hide and seek outside the reception with my cousin all night long. I know I would have been incredibly disappointed (and my mother–a bridesmaid–and father–a groomsmen, would have been quite inconveienced) if I had not been allowed to attend my aunt and uncles’ wedding reception. That’s something I remember to this day.
Post # 13
You don’t have to invite children to your wedding or have children in the wedding party, but if you are including them it is because they are child guests with an honor, not props. What you are suggesting is both rude and inappropriate.
It’s up to their parents to decide if they are too young to stay up that late. In that case only you could arrange for a nearby sitter. FWIW I attended many close family weddings as a child and so have my children. No one was ever bored.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2020 - Concord, Ontario
In my opinion if you want a child free wedding then you can’t have children in your wedding party
Post # 15
Just have the babysitter attend to keep an eye on them (and off of you) but let them stay until/ unless they want to leave.
I had a ton of kids at my reception, including my own 11 and 9 year olds. I barely saw any of them. They went off playing or stayed with family members. And people still drank and had fun.
The only kid interaction I had was when the 2 year old flower girl came up and sat in my lap during speeches for 2 min. She wanted to thank me for the bracelet I gave her. It was one of my favorite memories of the night. I didn’t see her after that. All the kids were well behaved and watched and I honestly never really saw or noticed them after dinner.
All this to say, 5 and 10 are old enough to behave and entertain themselves… especially with a sitter. But they are also old enough to resent being sent home early. I would let them stay unless they get tired and want to go or are throwing a fit.