Should kids in wedding party stay the whole reception?

posted 6 days ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
12207 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

kaitlyn8298 :  I think you missed the point. You said you hoped your SIL and Brother-In-Law would know to leave them home because you are having an adults only wedding. How would they know? You’re entitled to invite only adults or adults with the exception of immediate family children. Many people do the latter. In that case it’s not a childfree wedding. It’s a “select category of children” wedding. 

You specify which children are invited by putting their names on the invitation. What is not appropriate is exclusive language such as “adults only.” It’s considered poor form to treat  people as if they are either too stupid to read an invitation or otherwise rude enough to bring an uninvited child. 

If someone does RSVP for an univited guest then you can apologize for any “miscommunication” and let them know the invitation is meant for the parents. 

Post # 32
Member
3721 posts
Sugar bee

One day you will look back and be embarrassed you made such a big deal over something that truly doesnt matter. Speaking from experience, there are so many more important things that will happen in your life…having two kids at your reception is not one of them. 

Post # 33
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

I just think it’s kind of strange that you thought it was appropriate to ask your Mother-In-Law about a babysitter you know watching kids that aren’t even hers. You really should ask the parents first about anything like that. I know she’s their primary babysitter but it’s not her job to determine who will watch the kids, if anyone. That just seems like a major overstep in parental boundaries. 

Post # 34
Member
4905 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Will Yogi be ring bearer?

Post # 35
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m in disagreement in that the same rules apply to children in this scenario as the adults. Adults care about weddings a lot more about a wedding than a 5 year old child unless it’s literally their parent. A child won’t even understand the concept of they used me for a prop (not saying that’s what the OP is doing). A young child isn’t going to go home and think man I was used as a prop. Now having said that I do think it’s shitty to make the parent of the child inconvenienced because they have to leave early since they don’t want the child there. 

Post # 36
Member
6495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

lifeisbeeutiful :  Thank you for pointing this out. I really need to pay more attention to usernames.

I could give a pass (grudgingly) on EITHER the dog issue (though not likely since the $1K unnecessary puppy echocardiogram) or the children at the reception issue, but together – along with the puppy update – I’m getting the picture of a very, very self-centered, all-about-me person.

Post # 37
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Tatum :  Ahh i disagree. People act like the wedding is the first interaction people have with their in laws and therefore is the first impression. That’s not the case and most people have formed relationships with their in laws long before the wedding and while what she is doing is in poor form I dont think it will take away from any relationship they had before. After all now they are family..

Post # 38
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

soexcited123 :  Just because one has formed relationships with their in-laws long before the wedding, does not mean that the relationship cannot get severed at some point thereafter. If the op has a good relationship with her sil now, it is not going to be the same after she tells her she wants her children, who she wants to use for photo props, to not attend the reception or to “leave early”. It’s rude, classless, and offensive, imo. They’re immediate family members that are in the wedding. They therefore get invited to the reception. Period. 

Post # 41
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

They are in the wedding, so they should be invited to the reception. If you don’t want them at the reception, don’t have them in your wedding. The 5-year old might be more aware than you realize. I remember being 5 and being a flower girl. I had a great time at the reception–generally running around playing with the ring bearer. Having 2 kids at your reception isn’t the end of the world. 

Post # 42
Member
12207 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

“however, i don’t think children will be missing out if they dont come to or know what a wedding reception is at that age.  it’s not really a place for kids which is why i am not having any other kids invited to the wedding, which is something my fiance and i have agreed on.  he does not want kids there either and also prefers that the girls are not there the whole night.”

No one is arguing that they need to be at the reception. If that’s how you feel about it, fine. But then it’s not appropriate to have the children at the ceremony either. 

Post # 43
Member
1965 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

kaitlyn8298 :  Yes, you’ve posted some unpopular threads, and it’s influenced your reputation on the site. I can understand how frustrating that would feel. However, try to look at it from a different perspective. You asked a question – would it be rude to invite children to be in your wedding and exclude them from the reception. You got an answer, an overwhelming consensus of yes, it would be absolutely rude. Yet you continue to double down and repeat the reasons you want to do this rude thing to people who are about to be your family. 

Why ask a question or ask for advice if you’re only gong to argue the answer?

Your plan is rude, and you shouldn’t go through with it. So take the advice you asked for, and either don’t have the nieces in the wedding party or don’t try to exclude them from any part of the reception. And as a married woman, I can tell you that the bees are correct in that this a small thing, you shouldn’t make it a hill to die on, and one day looking back you’ll realize how inconsequential this whole thing was. 

Post # 44
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee

Your plan is rude, you are inviting children to be a part of your wedding and then excluding them from the wedding celebrations, you know this choice will mean it’s very likely your brother and sister in law will have to leave early because their only baby sitter is at the wedding, to which your response is “oh well”. Your justifications for this are “the kids won’t care about the reception”, that’s very unlikely to be true when you’re talking about a ten year old and is irrelevant because their parents care and may have to leave early as a result of your decisions. 

Youve asked the question and been given a pretty much unanimous answer. I agree with others that you seem to be coming across a bit selfish and self centred here, think about how you’d feel in your in law’s position, having to leave early because their kids were used as props then excluded from the party, or as a ten year old knowing you weren’t welcomed or wanted at the wedding celebrations of your own aunt and uncle. It’s just not nice, can’t you see that? What you’re proposing is selfish and rude and will probably damage your relationship with your in laws. 

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