(Closed) should married men go out without wife?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll:
  • Post # 17
    Member
    361 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Regardless of children- it’s very healthy for a couple to have their own time with their own friends.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1515 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I disagree with some of the PPs.  You two had plans to go out together, but because you couldn’t go, he basically ditched you.  Uncool.  No way is that fair to you.  I can see why you were upset.  Now is the time for you to plan a night out with someone other than your husband.  Enjoy yourself.

    Only way I’d be fine with it is if he had plans with his friends then told me about it beforehand.  Not a “oh, you can’t go? Sucks for you cause I’m going with someone who can then.”  I mean, I do agree for you two to have your separate time, but this wasn’t his wisest choice it seems.

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1999

    I have no problem with my husband going out with his friends because I, too, need time with my girlfriends.  However, I don’t think it’s acceptable for your husband to “dump you” last minute because you were unable to get a sitter. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    If we couldn’t get a sitter, I know one of us would say, “call insertname and you guys can go”. We do stuff like that all of the time, however, we would discuss it first, and no one would be aggrivated about it. The fact you communicated that you were pissed, is what the issue is.

    However you’re question is, “Should married men go out without their wife” and YES they should. Regardless, of children, everyone needs their own space, and time out.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2689 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yes, they should go out alone sometimes. No need to be together all the time.

    Now your situation, I don’t think that was cool. Y’all made plans, no sitter, so he decides to go with a friend and leave you with the baby. NOT at all cool in my book.

     

    Post # 22
    Member
    744 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    To me, this would depend on the situation. If he said, “Hey, do you want to go see a movie?” and I said yes, but then we couldn’t find a sitter and he went with someone else, that would piss me off.

    But if he said, “Hey, I’d like to go see this movie with my friend, can you watch the kids tonight?”, then I’d be okay with that. You both deserve time out, though, so he better offer you the same option sometimes!

    Post # 23
    Member
    13 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Fiance and I have a son together and there has been times where we want to do something but becuase we don’t have a babysitter I stay home and he takes his friend instead. I personally don’t have a problem with this.

    I don’t see it as him ditching me since I know we have plenty of times to go out together and have. Now if he does this on a regular basis then I would have a problem.

    Post # 24
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I agree with PPs.  I don’t have a problem with DH making plans without me, but to ditch me when we couldn’t find a sitter is totally unacceptable.  If we couldn’t go on our planned date, then we should rent a movie or something and have a date in together, and see the movie another time when we can find a sitter.  However, if he was planning on seeing it with his friend and discussed it with me ahead of time, I’d have no problem with it.

    Post # 25
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2000

    if we made plans to see a particular movie and then he went with a friend, I’d be mad.. because I’d want to see the movie! So he better let me go out with my friends to see it

    But in general – yes, he should go out with his friends. My DH has left for a few weekends, including this one, to go out of state to see hockey games. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Regardless of whether or not you guys have kids, it’s not ok for him to just ditch you when the two of you have plans together. 

    However as others have said, being able to make plans independently of each other is key to a healthy relationship.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1523 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    It is okay for a husband to go out without you – but not under the circumstances you described.  The original plan was for him to go out with YOU.  Unless you had told him to go on ahead without you, BOTH of you couldn’t find a sitter and both of you should have bitten the bullet.  Him going with his friend seems like a selfish move on his part, IMO.  Now if the original plan had been for him to go to the movies with his friend, then I think that would have been perfectly fine.  

    Post # 28
    Member
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I wouldnt have a problem with it.. as long as he watched the kids whle I went out with my friend as well

    Post # 29
    Member
    3138 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

    I think, for me, it would really depend on the motivation and whose idea it was to go to the movies.

    If his original idea was that a movie would be fun, then his motivation was for him to go to the movies and of course he wanted you to go with him. His motivation wasn’t necessarily to spend time with you, but rather to go to the movies, so he asked a friend to go with him when you couldn’t find a babysitter. 

    If his original idea was that it would be fun to do something together with you, then his motivation was to spend time with you and movie just sounded like a good idea. His motivation wasn’t to go to the movies, but rather to spend time with you, so he probably would have skipped the movie when you couldn’t find a babysitter. 

    If you had been the one who brought up the idea of going to a movie, then he should have offered to stay home with the kids when a babysitter couldn’t be found. Then you could have decided for yourself if your motivation for suggesting a movie was to see a movie or to spend time with him. If it was to see a movie, then you’d let him stay home and watch the kids while you and a girlfriend went to the movies. If it was to spend time with him, you’d stay home…

    We don’t have children and have no plans to have children, but this is kind of how we resolve these situation.  DH may suggest doing something together and maybe I’m just not in the mood to go. If his motivation was to do something with me, then he’ll stay home. If his motivation was to go out and do something, then he’ll ask if it’s okay if he goes out on his own.  

    Nine times out of ten when he asks if it’s okay if he goes out, I’ll say it’s okay for him to go, but every once in a while I’ll ask him to stay home, and he’s never had a problem with it. And maybe that’s why it works for us, because he is always considerate and asks… 

    Post # 30
    Member
    760 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would be fine with it as long as it wasn’t always him going out and me not having the opportunity just as often. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    While that specific situation would bug me, the idea that Mr. Hedgie isn’t allowed to go out without me is just insane! He is still a person with friends and desires outside the marriage (as long as they aren’t sexual or emotional desires). It is unhealthy for a married couple to spend every waking moment with eachother. You need to have time apart with your friends.

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