(Closed) should married men go out without wife?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
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  • Post # 47
    Member
    1831 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    The issue here is not going out separately, it’s the fact that he completely disrespected you. Babysitter falls through, you ask him not to go, so he goes anyway with a friend? Not cool. 

    I encourage DH to go out with his friends!  I love the time to myself (which will change once a baby is thrown into the mix in about 4 months)

    Post # 48
    Member
    1486 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think the question you asked and the situation you posted are different. It’s perfectly fine for a married man or woman to go out with out their husband/wife regardless of if they have kids or not. Everyone needs time with their individual friends and their spouse shouldn’t stop them from that.

    On the other hand, it isn’t okay for your spouse to “ditch” you when you’re unable to find a babysitter and go out with their friends instead. If he just wanted to go see a movie, it sounds like he didn’t really care who he ended up going with, but he shouldn’t have left you home to watch the kids like that. I think if it’s agreed on before hand, it shouldn’t be a problem. But to make plans with your spouse and then change plans at the last minute to go with friends instead isn’t right.

    Post # 49
    Member
    1148 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    This thread really illustrates how important a title is and how often people don’t read the actual content of a post. 

     

    OP, this obviously just happened to you and no it’s not okay but don’t turn it into a huge deal. Just make some good, girls night out plans for SOON! 

    Post # 50
    Member
    4108 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    With the babysitting/children issue aside, I think a man NEEDS to go out sometimes without the wife & vice versa. It’s healthy & helps to maintain individual identities. That being said, I’d be PISSED if Fiance did what your husband did & I think you guys should talk about it- the responsibility shouldn’t fall on your shoulders only. Good luck.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1058 posts
    Bumble bee

    We don’t have kids either, but I’m absolutely fine with him going out and leaving me to watch the kids and vice versa, but from what it sounds like in your story is that you were both planning on going together, and because you couldn’t find a sitter he decided to go with someone else and leave you at home. That’s not fair!

    It’s like you were all set on having a movie night with your husband, but he was going to go with or without you regardless. If that happened to me I would be upset too and especially the fact that he went anyway even after you expressed how it made you feel. That’s pretty [email protected] up if you ask me.

    He should have just said ok well we can do it another night or something like that instead of making you stay home.

     

    Post # 52
    Member
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I can’t believe how many women would be fine with that! I would not be ok with it if we made plans together and they fell through due to babysitter but he went anyway. That’s when you rent a movie and BOTH stay home and watch it.

    It would be a little different if he planned to go with a friend and gave me ample warning of the plans, as I would expect him to stay home with the baby if I wanted to go out.

    What he did is inconsiderate and I would be upset.

    Post # 53
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We have a daughter and I agree that it shouldn’t be one-sided where one person is going out and leaving the responsibility to the other all the time.  That said, it should be ok for him to have time alone with his friends.  It’s healthy for your relationship.  There have to be give and take, though, so next time it should be you to leave him home with the kids!

    Post # 54
    Member
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    If my husband had made plans to go out to a movie with a friend, I’d have no problem with that. If he decided last-minute that “only one” needs to stay home with the kids and that person should be me, I’d be irate. I agree, it’s a partnership deal. You can’t just do whatever you want.

    Post # 55
    Hostess
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You’re definitely overreacting. Both people need to have their own space and time and individual relationships with friends. You should only be this pissed if you wanted to go out with gfs and he wouldn’t reciprocate these actions.

    Post # 57
    Member
    8434 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    We don’t have kids and don’t plan to.  We are each other’s best friends so I can’t imagine having to leave my Fiance at home.  There isn’t another person I’d rather see a movie, go out to eat, or do anything with. 

    Everyone’s relationship is different, if you are both pretty independent that I would expect that both of you would have activities separate from one another.  It sucks that someone has to stay home if you can’t get a sitter, but that’s part of the bargain when you chose to become a parent.

    Post # 58
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I don’t think this is cool. I don’t know why everyone else does? It seems like 90% of the responders have missed the problem entirely… 

    It’s not a matter of him having guy friends you two hanging out separately, it’s about the fact that BOTH of you were going out, but you guys couldn’t get a sitter, so he automatically decides it’s fine to leave you to watch the kids and go out on his own instead of sharing the responsibility or figuring out an alternative or even saying “Is it okay if I go out tonight and then we’ll switch and you go out tomorrow?” type thing. NONE of this was addressed. He dumped it on you despite your feelings. You got screwed in this, and he’s being a jerk, especially after you expressed that you weren’t happy about the situation.

    No, I wouldn’t be okay with it. It’s not okay. And it’s ESPECIALLY not okay that he did it despite you voicing your feeings. If NOTHING else, he should be respectful of your feelings. Assuming you don’t overreact and such. I’m just going to assume that. 

    It IS fine that he has friends to go out with, and that you guys spend time apart, it is NOT okay that you both had plans to go out together, but since you couldn’t find a sitter that he decides to leave you at home to be responsible and go out anyway and leaves you home. He gets to do what he wants and leaves the responsibilities to you, without discussing it. Totally NOT okay, and you have every right to be pissed. 

    I wouldn’t even put up with a guy who did stuff like that to me. It’s the little things that are important and they have a way of providing a glimpse of how that person really acts. And don’t make an excuse for him like “he’s just a guy.” As if guys don’t have it easy enough without us making excuses for their poor behavior? Why do girls even do that? Ugh. You have every right to be pissed, because I’m sure if the tables were turned, he’d make a huge issue that you left him home and went out with your friends. 

     

     

    Edit: I just realized that most of this post was written over a year ago… I’m not sure why it was resurrected… lol

    Post # 59
    Member
    1384 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I’m one of the “We don’t have kids, yet but….” folks but I’d be okay with him going to do boy things with his friends once in a while, like maybe once a month and I’d hope he would do the same for me. But yeah I’d be pretty pissed if the plan was for the two of us to go see a movie and it went the way it did for you. it’s pretty juvenile and I’d have his pillow and a crappy blanket waiting for him on the couch when he got home. 

    Post # 60
    Member
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I have children. I would have no problem going to the movies with a friend if I couldn’t go. He has gone to sporting events without me. People need breaks to be with friends at times and it’s healthy to have outside interests that does not involve your partner.

    My DH and I agree that we don’t go out drinking without the other. It just opens up conflict in our relationship that we don’t need. But dinner/movies with friends sure, I actually encourage it so I can have my girl time soon.

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