(Closed) Should MIL be our realtor when buying?

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If it’s causing problems with other family members, i’d say no. But really though, why not? She’ll give you a more honest opinion than a realtor just looking for a sell. Plus, if someone gets the comission why not family, right? ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@JessyMess:  A realtor is pretty involved in the financial part. I think if you continue to look at houses with her and in the decide not to use her as your official realtor, there are going to be major problems. Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my Mother-In-Law that much in our business, but that really needs to be decided bewtween you and your Darling Husband.

Post # 5
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We purchased our first home a few weeks ago through Future Brother-In-Law – it was his first sale. It was over all a positive experience. There was one thing though – Fiance works in finance and is very methodical/demanding with people he hires for specific tasks – therefore he found it a bit awkward to be as questioning/thorough with Future Brother-In-Law just because it was his brother. That being said, we would always 100% support Future Brother-In-Law by using him as our realtor whenever we purchase. We think it’s very important to support family when they are running their own business. It was a positive experience and it was overall fun to have him with us as we are very close.

ETA: Future Brother-In-Law did not, in any way pressure us to purchase – he showed us tons of houses and generally was very understanding about all of our questions and hesitations as first time home buyers. He reminded us each step of the way that it was a very personal decision and we needed to take our time before deciding anything.


Post # 6
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

The realtor has little/no involvement in regards to the actual finances – at least ours wasn’t’-… they have no idea where the $ comes from at all but they do know how much you have for a downpayment/budget. So that should solve the Father-In-Law problem if it comes up. She will onyl need to know how much your budget is and a downpayment if necessary. The rest is up to the bank and none of her business. ๐Ÿ™‚ She won’t find out unless you guys disclose to her.

As far as her helping, it could be good if shes willing to cut her commission to help you guys out, has the potential to save you guys a few thousand on a house! Our realtor was a great friend of ours and took less than 2% which is super uncommon. ๐Ÿ™‚ If she’s charging the same commission and you’re more comfortable doing it without her, I’d politely tell her that you’re working with someone else ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t have personal experience in the realty aspect…but allowing your Mother-In-Law to be a part of such a huge decision can go one of two ways—1) sets the stage for her thinking she can help you make all big decisions  or 2) get you a good deal and she will be honest about the property and what all is out there (some realtors like to push certain properties and gloss over imperfections).  And accepting money from your Father-In-Law without her knowing….that can get really scary, really fast.  I would be open and honest and have a sit-down with all 4 of you…figure out why she doesn’t feel they should give the money (are they in a private financial pinch, is it a principle thing where she think’s “oh they can figure it out on their own” etc) and then go from there.  Misconceptions and secrets are terrible for family dynamics for the rest of your life!  Good luck…and go with your gut!

Post # 8
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I personally wouldn’t want my Mother-In-Law to know intimate details about our finances. And buying real estate involves a lot of financial details.

If she’s bugging you already…I would consider not working with her. OR finding some way to keep her opinion a little more quiet. She’s going to need to learn that skill if she plans on having future clients anyway.

Post # 9
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Our realtor knows everything about our finances– we are totally depending on her to answer questions and to help us set up things like insurance, closing costs, payments, etc.  We’re really dependent on her to get us the sale, too.  She’s the one talking to the seller, getting them to fix some things, and pushing us to keep in our closing timeline.  (We’re first-time home buyers so we’re desperate for guidance!) 

I can’t speak for your Mother-In-Law but I wouldn’t want a realtor I didn’t trust completely. We’ve been very lucky with ours.

Post # 10
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it would be fine if you worked well with her.

But, because of your more personal relationship with her than a typical realtor, it sounds like she has a picture in her head of what type of house SHE wants for you and isn’t willing to accept that that isn’t want you want.  THAT is a problem.

Post # 11
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would pass – it’s just too many intimate details for my liking.  But I will tell you that not using a family member for realtor purposes has created tension (like, cant even be in the same room/admit we’re family tension) in my family and it is BAD.  

Post # 12
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Bad idea. Shift gears. 

Post # 13
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I honestly would not do this kind of business with a family member, ever. 

Post # 14
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I say steer clear of mixing family with finances.  Really.  If Future Mother-In-Law wants to help, as in, go with you both AND the realtor, or make sure you know what questions to ask and what things to check for, that’s totally fine.  But hiring family members can end badly.

Post # 15
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am a Realtor so take this with a grain of salt.

My mom (also a Realtor) sold Fiance his condo. It worked out fine, he loved working with her, had no issues. There is an issue here, she needs to treat you like any other client and you need to treat her like any other professional. Yes, she should point out things that are wrong with the house but she should also write up that offer for you if you want it.

Typically I also know a lot of about my clients’ finances, it’s important because I need to know if they’re actually able to purchase what I’m showing them. Where their money comes from is not important, as long as they have it.

I agree with you, a kitchen can be changed but location and a yard can’t. Go with your guy.

@StaceyA:  Most Realtors are not going to cut their commission for their buyers as the sellers are the ones paying them. They can negotiate a lower commission with the sellers but all of that has to be disclosed to any other offers on the table.

Post # 16
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

eeewww sticky situation. This is a tough one. I personally wouldn’t take money for down payment. I dont want to have him or her throw in my face for  years on helping me buy a house. As far as realty, she sounds like she’s helping by taking you to see several houses.

The topic ‘Should MIL be our realtor when buying?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors