(Closed) Should my husband attend a classmates wedding even though I was not invited?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should my husband attend a wedding even though I was not invited?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 31
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    Sephiroth:  Perfectly said!

    However, I think your husband should still go. I feel like it would be rude not to attend, and even though they were rude first, two wrong’s don’t make a right.

    Post # 32
    Member
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    View original reply
    keesl:  +1 to this especially after reading several times over that this would “prove a point” or “show them” – what exactly are they learning? How to save money by having ridiculous people NOT attending their wedding? Really and truly its not that serious. If someone doesnt invite you to their wedding as the hanger on, married or not, then they didnt – simple as that.

    Post # 33
    Member
    2624 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

     

    View original reply
    Sephiroth:  +1!

    Post # 34
    Member
    9123 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I can’t believe how many people are saying this is a matter of opinion. NO. Etiquette is very clear on this. Ignoring one half of a married couple on a wedding invite is always rude, period. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    982 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Was the classmate rude? Yes, without a doubt. But I wouldn’t let this stop your hubby from going. If he wants to go, (and his classmate obviously want him there), he should go. It would be rude of your hubby to not go just because you weren’t invited, and two wrongs to not make a right.

    Post # 36
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee

    I think if he wants to go then go. Is he feeling funny about the situation or are you feeling left out? I think it is silly to be upset that someone you don’t even know didn’t think to invite you. People have limited numbers and budget and why should they cut down on people they would love to have at their wedding and invite someone they have no idea who they are, that is absolutely ridiculous! Just because someone deemed it etiquette that married people have to be invited together, Myself and my SO will attend what we are invited to alone or as a couple pre and post wedding, I would feel slightly strange attending a wedding of someone I know nothing about. I think so long as the indiviudal knows someone at the wedding other than the wedding party then they can hold their own in terms of socialising.

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    6014 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Do you even know him at all?  You aren’t attached at the hip but maybe the Groom will learn a lesson and not invite either of you.  Geeze it would be different if it was a family member, you know that you knew, and you didn’t get invited.  It’s a study partner, it’s an odd relationship … sure they are your “friends” but they may not be people you spend time with outside of studying.  Groom was probably TRYING to do something nice.  

    Post # 38
    Member
    7468 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    FWIW, my DH never attends weddings with me because he travels for work so much he’s rarely ever even in town for them. I do most thinks in life by myself, because of his travel schedule, so we certainly are not conjoined twins. That being said, I would absolutely RSVP “no” to a wedding that either myself or my spouse was not invited to. It’s rude. Having a smaller budget does not excuse bad behavior.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1692 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    Monkey786:  You are both right, and wrong, about the manners being practiced here.

    It is true that spouses and fiances (and by extension, those who are living as if married) must be invited together to social events. It is not, however, necessary to invite spouses to professional networking events.

    It is vulgar to disguise a professional networking event as a social event, but businesses do it all the time since they do not really care about social niceties. It is also a little “off” to use an important social event like your own wedding for professional networking, but that is what you are doinng when you invite colleagues who are not also part of your social circle. That is what the groom is doing in this case.

    So the question is not “should your husband skip the wedding because you were not invited?” If it were a social invitation your omission would be a social snub and of course he should decline the invitation of anyone who wants to snub you. There is nothing rude about declining an invitation, by the way, whatever your reason, as long as you do it politely (politely means, in a hand written note with a “pat” excuse : “Mr Hubbie / regrets to decline the kind invitation of / Mr Classmate / due to a prior engagemen” — or by ticking the “no” box on a self-addressed R.s.v.p. form).

    The real question is: is the classmate, or other classmates who will be there, important to your husbands career in such a way that he can use the event to advance his career. If so he should attend and network away. If the groom is treating his wedding as a professional event, there is nothing wrong with your husband’s taking advantage of it in the same way.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1982 posts
    Buzzing bee

    It’s his friend, not yours. just because you weren’t invited doesn’t mean your husband shouldn’t go. I personally think it’s rude to assume that just because you’re married/in a serious relationship that you should be invited. What if he invited you and that meant one of the other members of the group couldn’t come? Or what if they couldn’t invite all of their SO’s so there solution was to invite none of them. Maybe numbers were tight. Maybe money was tight. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    11265 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    it is weird that you weren’t invited but i can kind of see how this could happen (maybe the “B” list of friends).

    if your husband is close to this guy and wants to go (and you are ok with it), he should go.  if he doesn’t want to go b/c you weren’t invited, then he doesn’t have to go.  it’s really up to your husband and how he feels about it.

    Post # 43
    Member
    9129 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    View original reply
    Monkey786:  Sounds like it was an invite out of politeness and not necessarily that he actually wanted everyone from the study group to attend.  I would politely send my regrets and not give it another thought.

    Post # 44
    Member
    4810 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    Monkey786:   I voted no – your H doesn’t want to go without you and I agree with him.  You are a social unit.  No matter how small the event, spouses merit an invitation.  

    Post # 45
    Member
    1632 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    Zhabeego:  the OP did not indicate the groom/ class mate doesn’t the marital status of his classmate her husband. It doesn’t really matter. The groom is inviting his current study buddies not his grad school hanging buddies to his wedding. If the OP’s husband doesn’t think he is a close friend to the groom thay is more than enough reason to decline a wedding invite rather than because my-wife-who-knows-you-even-less-than-I-do-is-not-invited-to-this-super-special-day-In-your-l-and-I-am-not-sure-how-I-even-made-the-cut-because-we-just-work-in-groups-and-study-together-anyway.

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