(Closed) Should my husband attend a classmates wedding even though I was not invited?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should my husband attend a wedding even though I was not invited?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 61
    Member
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I think that’s beyond rude. But we’re giving every single guest a plus one regardless of relationship status. Was super important to me.

    Post # 62
    Member
    4410 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

    I understand why you were not invited. However, that doesn’t make it any less rude. I would hope that your husband would not attend. He could send a token gift and a card from both of you, which would be respectful to the colleague getting married and to you. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    4410 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

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    daysiee:  I think the key word here is “dates”.  She is not his “date”. She’s his wife, which makes it a completely different situation. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    Loribeth:  Meh, who cares. Different people, different perspectives and most likely a tight budget. I’m sure in an ideal world the bride/groom would invite dates. IMO (which is probably wrong), I think the wife/husband part is null, you can’t exactly let one grad school friend bring a date (because they’re married) and make the others come stag even though they’re in serious relationships.

    Today’s takeaway: it’s not about you. I’m sure it’s not meant to be personal. They probably had their hands tied with list and numbers. Be a kind, understanding human. Namaste. 😛

    Post # 65
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

     

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    CurlyCue:  Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t really care to hang out and “support” people who are rude and insulting to me and/or my spouse. 

    Having a wedding isn’t a free pass to be rude.  Creating a guest list means you have to make some tough choices sometimes.  If you want to invite your study buddy, then you have to decide if inviting him is important enough to you to include his or her spouse.  If the answer is no, then you don’t invite them.  You don’t have the right to say you’ll only invite the buddy because that’s who you know/care about.  Its stupidly and offensively rude and selfish.  As another poster above so aptly put it, “Hey, come and celebrate my marriage even though I don’t recognize yours!” 

    Again, having a “hugely important day” doesn’t mean you get to behave like a clueless and classless ass and demand everyone accommodate you in the name of your special day. 

    Post # 66
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

     

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    daysiee:  A tight budget isn’t an excuse to be rude.  Have the wedding you can afford.  If your budget doesn’t allow you to invite everyone you’d like, then you have to make some tough choices.  What you don’t get to do is be rude and insulting to your guests and demand that they tolerate it.  That’s just an incredibly childish and self-centered attitude to take. 

    Married, engaged and live-in couples are a social unit and must be invited together.  Anyone else can be invited singly.  Its fair and its perfectly polite. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee

    I don’t agree with certain bees talking about budgets, I think when you invite someone you have to take in consideration that they perhaps have a wife or husband and its odd not to invite them. No, its not because its a package deal, or because both are “conjointed twins”, but because its a marriage, an important social event, not to attend alone and leave your SO at home. I find this couple is, in fact, being rude. A wedding is expensive, yes, but if you invite a person, don’t complain they bring their SO. Also, don’t take some of these rude responses at heart, some women here jump to conclusions very quickly as I’ve observed. You are right, your SO should not go. End of the story.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by  Tinkerdust.
    Post # 68
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    Loribeth:  couldn’t agree more. 

    Post # 69
    Member
    15041 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

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    Zhabeego:    If you want to invite your study buddy, then you have to decide if inviting him is important enough to you to include his or her spouse. If the answer is no, then you don’t invite them. <div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>So in this case that they are not inviting SOs/wives, what if this one married guy was the only one not invited out of the group, then he feels left out and hurt when for some unknown reason (cause how was he supposed to know that if they couldn’t invite his wife, they shouldn’t invited him), he wasn’t invited but everyone else was.  If I had to make a choice, I’d piss the wife, who I’ve never even met off, rather than hurt the guy that I actually have a relationship with.  I have a feeling guys dont are less likely get all worked up for ettiquitte breaches like this and completely offended to be invited solo so this was the safer path.

    Post # 70
    Member
    2836 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

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    Monkey786:  sorry, but as long as the guy getting married KNOWS your husband is married- and he didn’t invite you, I think that’s strange.  I wouldn’t go to a wedding that I wasn’t invited to without my husband.

     

    My sister and I were in quite the big battle before my wedding (it was actually my sister’s husband and I, but she joined his team and them it made us get into it)– I told her he was invited, but in order to attend, he needed to apologize foe what he did.  It was truly inappropriate, uncalled for, and he stuck his nose where it never should have been.

    When I have my dad a heads up that B might not be attending if he doesn’t apologize- in respsonse, my dad told me that even though my Brother-In-Law and I are having an issue, I should not expect that my sister (MOH) be happy or excited to attend my wedding, and don’t be surprised if she doesnt’ want to stay long if her husband can’t attend.  Keep in mind, while my dad likes my Brother-In-Law because he is my sister’s husband, Brother-In-Law is NOT my dad’ favorite person.  But he respects thier marriage.  

    Now I know the situation is quite different, but point is, my dad is a strong believer that spouses are a joint unti, a team- and you don’t separate or divide them for events like a wedding (and in general, I take my dad’s viewpoint….only not so much in the case of my Brother-In-Law because he seriously crossed some boundries)

     

    I think in a way, it’s sort of disrespectful to invite one half of married couple to an event– such as a WEDDING.  You’re talking about spending the rest of your lives with someone, but as the hosts, you’re dividing them.  

    Cutting costs?  Then don’t invite one half of the couple– you’re saying one member of that couple is more important.  And even if the bide and groom haven’t met one half of the couple, you’re not respecting the fact that thier a team.

     

    I know this sounds a little extreme…..I’m not trying to come across like that.  I just think a wedding is the last place you want to split a couple.  It’s ironic!

    Post # 71
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

     

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    pinkshoes:  As I said above, when you’re making up a guest list, you have to make some tough decisions.  So, if you want to invite your study group buddies and only one is married, then it would seem to me to be no big deal to invite the wife – its one extra guest.  The answer should never be to be rude to your guests.  I think any guy worth his salt would most certainly rather not be invited than have his wife slighted.  For my part, I would not be grateful to anyone who invited me and excluded my husband – particularly to a wedding!  Don’t ask me to celebrate your marriage when you’ve just disregarded and insulted mine. 

    Post # 72
    Member
    516 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    Zhabeego:  

     

    I totally agree.  A big decision has to be made knowing that if he wanted to invite his school buddies, then there would be a plus one for the friend who is married–or do not invite them AT ALL, because leaving one out would be rude.  Most single men would probably prefer to do something else with their time anyway, seriously.

    Post # 73
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee

    Your argument against this invitation is that “we are married- a social unit.”

    True – in certain situations you are the primary social unit. But in this case, the primary social unit is the MBA group. He invited all members of that social unit, so I don’t see an etiquette issue here.

    Post # 74
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    Zhabeego:  It’s just my humble little opinion – not saying it’s right or wrong!

    Post # 75
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

     

    View original reply
    LastGirlStanding:  LOL.  Um, no…a group of classmates are *not* a social unit.  They are people who happen to know one another and are on friendly terms. 

    Spouses *are* a social unit and its very rude to invite one and exclude the other.  It would *not* be rude to invite one or a few study group buddies if they’ve developed a friendship and social relationship outside of the group. 

    The topic ‘Should my husband attend a classmates wedding even though I was not invited?’ is closed to new replies.

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