(Closed) Should my mother be invited?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
2527 posts
Sugar bee

I would invite her. If she shows, she shows. If not, chalk it up to typical behavior from her.

Post # 3
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
trini-shar:  There’s alwys more than one way of looking at things. Although her track record as a mother isn’t the greatest, she may be trying to do the right thing and give you a heads up if she is in fact, not able to get time off for your wedding.

Despite everything you have told us, I would invite her. One person more or less won’t make any difference to the budget, but you never know what you future relationship might be. You will never be able to have a do-over if you have regrets about not inviting her.

Post # 4
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would invite her unless you will find her behavior really hurtful if she is late or doesn’t show. If you fear your hurt would ruin your day, then don’t invite her, but be prepared for it to officially change your relationship if you go this route.

Post # 5
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

I wouldn’t invite her because I do think you notice when she fails to be there for you on those important days or leaves early.  I would let her know you’re getting married and say that you know it will be difficult for her as she mentioned, but that you will be happy to share photos/videos with her after.  See if she says she wants to go…if she implies that she wants to be there, I would set some guidelines (possibly make her arrive the night before so no late show).

Post # 7
2527 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
trini-shar:  If you don’t invite her, you’ll be the “bad guy”. She’ll whine and moan and garner sympathy all around because of how terribly mean you were to not invite her.

If you invite her and she is a no-show, she gets to be the bad guy 😉

Post # 8
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with 

View original reply

I would keep her out of all planning of the wedding. Then I would send her an invite at the same time as everyone else. When she contacts you to say she can’t make it (because she needs the attention and wants you to beg her to come), calmly say “I figured as much, so I’m prepared for that. Sorry you can’t make it, we’ll send a picture.” Dont get pulled into a drama–be nice, but don’t expect anything from her. 

If she does attend, you’ll have to decide if you want her to be “the mother of the bride” or just another guest. 

However, if you do decide not to invite her because it is just to painful or weird or you are just tired of behavior, you have every right to do that. Don’t feel like you “have” to invite her if you really don’t want to. When complains you never sent her an invitation, just remind her that she told you in March of 2015, she wouldn’t be able to make it. 

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