SHOULD MY SON INVITE MY GF TO HIS WEDDING?

posted 10 months ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
3924 posts
Honey bee

Your son is being an ass and you seem to be tolerating it. The question is why. 

Post # 17
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

She should be invited. I also agree on the family photo’s. Maybe bring that up to him and see what he say’s about that. So say you weren’t dating her were would be allowed a plus one? He’s say’s he doesn’t have anything against her but now it going to cause drama. Now she is going to feel funny around him. I think it’s a little childish. So you could bring a friend just not your girlfriend. That’s just so silly to me. My god your a grown man. Your helping him out financially and you can’t bring her. Do you think it was him or his fiance’ saying this? 

Post # 18
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

weddingpop :  Sounds like your son just wants to make you jump and hop to. Why 3 years? Why not 2? or 5? Why not just let you bring a date, which since he has his own life now and is getting married himself, does he not realize is none of his business anyway? Why does he give a rat’s ass who his father (who has been single for 26 years) dates, and for how long?

Has your son manipulated you before, in the 26 years since you and his mother divorced? Or is this the first time? 

This is what I think. Now you have to make up your mind to respect his whims or tell him this is what is going to happen.

Post # 19
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

weddingpop :  I would 110% withdraw your financial support. He is being a gigantic, entitled brat if he wants your money but won’t allow your significant other to come as your guest. That is ridiculous.

Post # 20
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

He probably just doesn’t want someone who isn’t permanent to share his day considering your track record. Seeing as how you’re his dad, though and the wedding is out of town, I feel like it’s not fair to not give you a plus one.

Perhaps talk with him and assure him that just because she’s there, it doesn’t mean they’re obligated to include her in family pictures. 

Post # 21
Member
1610 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I have so many questions:

Paying for the engagement and rehearsal party should at least entitle you to one guest no matter what your dating history is.  Are you the only parent contributing?  Were you asked to contribute or did you offer (not that it really matters but I was just curious)  Do you have a relationship with your son in that he can make unreasonable demands and you cave to them?  

Your son’s logic doesn’t hold water if, in fact, he hasn’t applied this rule to any other invitees.  It would mean he knows the relationship lengths of all his invitees.  If you haven’t already, I’d say have a convo with your son and express how unhappy it makes you.

 

Post # 22
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Unless his reasoning is that he has issues with her in particular, then she gets to come or you don’t finance anything. 

Post # 23
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I guess i’m wondering the backstory here. Have you “cried wolf” in the past with previous girlfriends; insisting that they be included in family only events or other special occasions only to have those relationships dissolve soon after? Maybe he’s leary of a tendency for you to pressure the family into too-close-too-soon acceptance of your girlfriend-of-the-moment and doesn’t want any hint of that at his wedding? 

Context is key, here. Does he get along with your girlfriend? Have you or has she pushed boundaries in the past?

Post # 24
Member
4691 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Is he close to your girlfriend? Have they had issues? Is she his age? (Half joking, but srsly is she?)

I can see his point if you have had a string of short relationships throughout the years and he doesn’t want the flavor of the month there. But then again you are an adult and randoms get +1s to weddings all the time. You can definitely withdraw the financial support but expect to be uninvited. GL 

 

Wanted to add: are you sure it’s not your future daughter in law that doesn’t want your gf there?

Post # 26
Hostess
1528 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

weddingpop :  that’s extremely unfair to you.

Post # 27
Member
6999 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would not pay for a damn thing for this wedding. He is being beyond unreasonable. 

Post # 28
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I think your son needs to actually tell you why he doesn’t want her there. Saying 3 years together as his reason isn’t really a reason. Sit down with him and Ask him why 3 years make a difference to him. Why he actually doesn’t want her there. He needs to give a real explanation not just you have to be dating for 3 years. Get an answer from him and go from there. Pretty sure if your throwing the party and paying, you get to bring a guest. 

If you don’t want to cause more friction maybe it’s worth it to not invite your Girlfriend. Only you can determine if bringing your Girlfriend is the hill you want to die on or not. 

Post # 29
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Totally get not wanting her to be in photos. The rest of this is really odd. Basically he wants you to attend, unaccompanied, and sit there by yourself while everyone else is coupled up? It’s like he is trying to punish you. You alluded to the fact he has been controling about your relationships before. I find this very odd for a guy. Is there something about this woman that he might find embarrassing (age difference, appearance, social  differences)? I would ask him why and don’t accept the made up subjective 3 year bullshit.

Post # 30
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

weddingpop :  this 3 year rule is BS. No matter how long you’ve been together, i suspect he would have made it longer.

 

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