(Closed) Should out of town guests give gifts?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Bee
12594 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

I have actually read somewhere that giving a gift when you are invited to a wedding is totally optional, etiquette-wise. 

Post # 4
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think it’s just more optional for out of town guests.  The bride and groom realize those guests had to spend more time and money just to be there.  Depending on who it was, though, I might still feel stiffed (i.e. the Out of Town wealthy grandparents versus the Out of Town grad student) but I wouldn’t ever say anything about it to them.

Post # 5
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

I’ve had to travel (usually fly) and stay in a hotel for almost every wedding I have ever been to. Despite being a poor grad student, I have ALWAYS given a gift, even if it was stuff from the bottom of the registry.

By the same token, I don’t care if no one gives us a gift for our wedding. The fact that people we love will be travelling to celebrate our day with us is enough for us. 

Post # 6
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Actually nobody SHOULD bring a gift. Everyone is allowed to make their own decision about whether or not they do so.

Post # 7
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

You SHOULD say please and thank you and cover your mouth when you cough, but everyone is allowed to make his or her own decision on that one too.  It’s etiquette, not law.

Post # 8
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

giving a gift is  a nice gesture there is no should or shouldnt rule; it’s a symbol of celebration

Post # 9
Member
308 posts
Helper bee

i think everyone should give a gift… i mean how hard is it to spend 5 bucks on maybe a veggie peeler?  and another few bucks on a card and wrapping it in something.

It’s not about the cost it’s about the gift giving itself, just to show thanks to the couple that invited them to the wedding.  Which probably cost a ton of money.

i feel some people are just lazy… sheesh.

Post # 10
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I still give gifts when I travel far for a wedding. I’ve never even considered NOT giving a gift. That’s just me though

Post # 11
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We traveled to London & St. Croix within the past year for FH’s cousins wedding & his close friends wedding (which were having three in the US celebrations thereafter, but we went to the destination one) and we didnt buy a gift.

I dont mind if our out of town guests dont give us a gift – there gift & expense is getting to our wedding & I totally understand that.

Seriously, the London wedding cost us $4,000 – We went to get them a gift in the store in London they registered in & the registry company had gone bankrupt so we could only give them a gift card – which we thought was lame, since they lived in Japan.

Post # 12
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We’re having a wedding in Cali and a lot of our guests are traveling from Arkansas (where we live) to be with us on our big day. On our wedding web site we included a statement asking people who are traveling not to bring gifts -their presence is enough. We put it in a less tacky way but the same basic point came across. For one, we would have a lot of trouble getting presents home to Arkansas after a week spent on our honeymoon. Secondly, I would feel terrible for our guests to spends hundreds in room and flight and then still feel the need to buy me a blender.

Guests are nice but not necessary. If you’re old enough to get married you’re probably old enough to set up your own home you know?

That’s just my opinion. My fiance and I have been living together for 2 years so we’ve accumulated a lot of home stuff together so we don’t really need anything. I guess that’s why my take on it is a bit different.

Post # 13
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman

I had a destination wedding, so all my guests were Out of Town (and all of them had to spend a substantial amount to get to Grand Cayman!) and I certainly didn’t expect a gift from ANYONE.  But as a guest, I always give a gift no matter what (unless I am in the wedding party and I’ve already spent an insane amount of money hosting showers, etc.).  Everyone’s idea of what is proper differs, so I always take the "safe route" and give a gift.

Post # 14
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

At risk of going against popular consensus, I think that Out of Town guests should def give a gift, even if it’s inexpensive.  The fact that they have decided to commit $ to travel & accomidations means they should also have figured in an amount for a gift, be it 10 dollars or 100 dollars.  I would never think of traveling to anyone’s wedding sans gift.  I feel like it’s part of the expense that you incur when you decide to attend a wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I couldn’t see myself going to any wedding, in or out of town, empty handed.  With that said, if someone was in a situation where they wanted to attend a wedding and it really stretched their budget, so they felt like they couldn’t swing a gift,  I would at least try to bring a nice card, or something else small, and inexpensive, or personal (even if it wasn’t on the registry.)  Maybe find something practical at Big Lots or something.  I’d like to use the words "heartfelt" and "thoughtful"… but if those must go out the window, at least try to do something to save face. 

 

Post # 16
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m from the South and even if I travel to a wedding I think it’s in poor taste not to give a gift.  I am also an event designer in the south and I know that A LOT of people no longer bring gifts.  Well they don’t bring gifts and RSVP and not show up.  I agree with the pp a 5.00 veggie peeler is still a gift. 

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