(Closed) Should out of town guests give gifts?

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve always given gifts on Out of Town weddings I’ve attended, it just might be a tad more wallet-friendly once I consider hotel & travel costs.

Post # 33
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t know. I think it’s understandable when Out of Town guests don’t give gifts. My boyfriend and I are going to a wedding in a few weeks 8 hours away from our home. It is his cousin’s wedding and he’s one of the groomsmen. Not only are we paying travel expenses, the tux rental, but the marrying couple reserved a block of rooms in a relatively expensive hotel (over $100 per night, for 3 nights). We inquired about staying elsewhere and were told that this was very rude to even consider. Because of the family’s religion, he and I will have to sleep in separate rooms… He is not very interested in giving a gift since this trip will be very expensive for us already. We will still buy a card, but I hope the couple understands that our gift is the one of attendance, not cash or blenders. 

Post # 34
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

I’ve never NOT given a gift. I can’t imagine not giving one. Even when I’ve been to weddings where I don’t know the people well we get gifts.

Post # 35
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

There shouldn’t be a rule–bring a gift if you can afford it, or don’t.  If you’ve had to spend $800 to get there and can’t afford a gift, then fine.  I’ve brought a gift for every Out of Town wedding I’ve been to, but if I had to choose between attending and not in order to buy a gift I would not buy a gift.  I think the whole purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the begining of a marriage with the people you love and hold dear.  It’s not about presents.  And while I think you should bring a card, I disagree that a veggie peeler is a meaningful gift.  I suppose to each his own. 

Post # 36
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Crap.  You girls are making me nervous!  On our website we did the your presence is present enough, but if you would like to give a gift check out these two charities and for the old fashioned types, check out wishpot thing.  Our wishpot registry has 65 items on it although a couple are things that you can’t really just buy like a downpayment and our guest list is about 200.  Am I completely underestimating things and going to get swamped?  I haven’t even thought about making accomodations for any gifts that we might receive!  I was counting on people just giving us a card for the most part!  Am I way off base?

Post # 37
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

i don’t think gifts are ever expected – out of town or in town. it’s a nice gesture but not to be expected at all.

Post # 38
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am having an out-of-town wedding, and won’t be the teeniest bit upset if people don’t bring a gift, I understand that travel is expensive. That being said, I would not go to a wedding without bringing one.

Post # 39
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

As a guest at a wedding, no matter what distance you travel to be there, you should always give a gift.  No, you do not have to, but you should.  Kind of like you don’t have to brush your teeth, but you really should…Anyway, I think that when people have chosen to include you in their day, are hosting you for drinks and meal, that the least you can do is express your gratitude with a gift.

Post # 40
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

the only time i have not given a gift for an oot wedding was when we were flying to las vegas. but the reason is the reception was back in WI after and that’s when you give gifts, at the reception right? everyone did the same. but if i’m going to ANY wedding i’m never empty-handed. it may just be a check for $10 for the bride and groom because that’s all i can afford, but i always have a gift!

Post # 41
Member
469 posts
Helper bee

I would always give at least some type of gift even if its only a nice card with cash. But I love giving gifts so thats just me. And i don’t see myself leaving the country for a wedding either which helps!

Post # 42
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’ve said it more than once and I’ll say it again – what is this business with gifts being optional at a wedding? It’s a momentous occasion – of course you should give a gift. Who is really going to say “hey I read it in an etiquette guide somewhere that gift giving is optional, so I won’t bring one, yippee!” IMO it’s not optional, it’s required, and it’s crass and rude to not give a gift, especially if it cost you nothing but 5 miles of gas to come to the wedding.

That said, I think OOTers should also bring a gift – if too much money has been spent on accomodations and travel already, how about a bottle of wine from their home town/country or some local goodies to tie in with the traveling.

But all this might be my opinion simply because I would never, ever, ever come to a big party of any kind without a gift. 🙂

Post # 43
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’ve always given a gift even if I’ve been unable to attend the wedding. 

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