(Closed) Should parents tell children about infidelity?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 91
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee

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heputaringonit:  They are still together, my mom is too religious (and insecure) to divorce him, but me finding out the way I did finally woke him up, I think. He cried for HOURS when he found out that I had found out because we were always super close. They went to counseling and as far as I know, he’s been a better husband overall. Our relationship took a hit but with time it has gotten better. It’ll never be the same though, sadly, which sucks cuz I was a huge daddy’s girl lol 

Post # 92
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Tuscany Falls Banquet Hall

Children should never know, see, or be told anything that concerns their parents infidelities. I, clearly, remember a time when my mom was crying over some lady calling our house asking to speak to my dad. She literally came into my room and told me with her tears in her eyes, “Do not ever let a man treat you like this.” I remember that like it was yesterday and I had to have only been like 7 or 8. I never forgot that. And I remembered that throughout all my relationships. I have done some pretty foul shit to guys because I did not want to be treated badly by them. Once I matured, I realized that the way I acted in relationships was in part because of my moms tearful moment and my parents dramatic 30 year marriage. I have definitely learned not to get my children (once or if i have them) involved because I was definitely a product of that dysfunction. 

Post # 93
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

I think unless you are in the situation, you don’t know what you should do or not. My dad cheated on my mom, and they split up after 1 year of counseling. They never told me why, they just told me that it was because of adult reasons and that they didn’t love me or my siblings any less. We were 10, 11, and 12 at the time. It was hard to accept but we did. As we got older though, that explanation wasn’t enough any more, we needed to know the truth. They eventually told us and I’m glad I know. It’s better than “adult reasons”. I know that they tried to fix it and couldn’t and that’s OK. But, I’m glad they waited to tell me.

Post # 94
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I have never believed in staying together for the kids, but I do believe in keeping them out of your dirty business. Your kids are not pawns to be emotionally played.

I’m sorry this went on in your life for 10 years. They shouldn’t have sat you down to have that conversation until they were really finalizing a divorce (not just talking about it), and telling you at 8 that your mom was in love with another man and then not getting divorced… That can’t have been easy to hear and then live with uncertainty for a decade.

So in answer to your questions:

1) no, they shouldn’t tell them

2) no the age doesn’t matter

3) Yes I could forgive a parent who did this (I think)

4) Yes the child should stay out of it

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