(Closed) Should second cousins be invited to the wedding?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I don’t even know why this is a question.

You literally don’t have enough people to make the cut-off, and your father, who is making a major financial contribution, wants to invite his close relatives who are conveniently exactly the number needed for the venue. This seems like a perfect solution.

If you want a small wedding where you have 100% control over the guest list, you need to pay for it yourself.

Post # 3
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If he’s paying for the venue and catering and wants more guests then I don’t think it’s fair to cut the list off below the minimum venue capacity considering he will be paying for ’empty seats’.

Plus I don’t think 100 or 125 guests make sure the difference between an intimate and a large wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
ejt4033 :  Venue, food, alcohol and cake was more than 1/2 our budget, I dont know about yours. The rule for me is, you pay, you have a say. We got lists from both sides of the family and we invited them as requested. We chose to cut down friends to allow for family to attend. So we invited 160, only inviting maybe 40 friends, the rest is family.

Post # 5
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Expect 20% to decline. I say invite them. 

Post # 7
Member
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Remember that if you invite 130 it doesn’t mean that 130 will RSVP yes. Even if you have a high attendance rate of 90% that’s 117 people, which is still 8 people under the maximum. If you only invited 100 in the first place and got 90% attendance you’d be 35 people under the max. As someone mentioned, surely venue, food, alcohol and cake is more than half the budget? I had a similar situation where my grandmother forced me to invite her siblings. I did invite them and on the day I barely even noticed. That was easier though as it was only 6 people not 30! I do understand your dilemma.

(side note because I’m pedantic – your dad’s first cousins are your first cousins once removed 😛 much easier to say second cousins though!)

Post # 8
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

This doesn’t sound like something worth falling out over. Invite them. It’s his money.

how close is your Fiance to his step mum? Does he want her family there?

Post # 9
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

As your father is paying a considerable amount for the wedding, I’d say to just invite his cousins. We had a few of our parents cousins at our wedding – but only the ones DH and/or I are close with. The rest of them probably wouldn’t even know our names (nor are our parents in contact with them) so it would have felt very strange to invite them. Like PPs have said, not everyone will come.

As for the step mother’s family, I think this entirely depends on your relationship with them. I have a step mother and we invited her immediate family (sister + SO, brother + SO, dad + wife and mum + husband) to our wedding. I actually have a relationship with these people though and they treated me like family from the moment my dad married my step mother. We didn’t invite any of my step mother’s step siblings (she has 6) because I’ve only met them once and my step mother doesn’t even have a relationship with them. My step grandfather flew in from another country to attend, which was incredibly generous of him and we were not expecting at all. If your Fiance doesn’t know his step mother’s family, I don’t think there’s any need for them to be invited.

Post # 10
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
ejt4033 :  Also secondary question, is it common to invite groom’s step mother’s family?

For the stepmother’s children: If he ever shared a house with them, or is close to them for another reason, then yes. If he’s not close to them at all (e.g. because the father remarried after he moved out of home), then no.

For the stepmother’s wider family (e.g. her siblings or parents) – no.

Post # 11
Member
9439 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My parents paid for our wedding. We let them invite anyone they wanted! I can’t imagine pushing back on the guest list when they were so generous.

Post # 12
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee

Your father’s first cousins are also your first cousins (once removed).

Post # 14
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee

I wasn’t picking. A LOT of people really don’t know the relationship there. It’s confusing. Glad you’re inviting them. It is not a huge deal for you but your parents are in somewhat of an awkward position with the cousins when it comes up in conversation and they weren’t invited. My daughter didn’t invite my first cousins because she isn’t close with them but I am and they’re kinda pissy with me now because they weren’t invited.

Post # 15
Member
4964 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
ejt4033 :  Yeah, I would have to say let your dad invite them.

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