Post # 1
I have been friends with a girl since first grade. For many years I considered her my best friend. We were close still in college but right after graduation she got married and had a kid (she didn’t have bridesmaids so I was not in her wedding). Since she became a mother we have grown apart. When I told her I was getting married she was excited and automatically assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid. She doesn’t call, I might get a text once in a while, emails are few and far between, and if we meet for dinner I am the one who has to drive to meet her. I actually haven’t seen this girl since April of last year. We used to be great friends, and I would dream of the day she would stand up with me at my wedding, but now that it’s time for me to make plans I just don’t know if she is right for my wedding party. Any thoughts?
Post # 3
How long is your engagement? You might want to wait for a little while and think about it. I have a friend like this as well, and ended up asking her. I’m kinda 50/50 if I would have still asked her now. She doesn’t seem very excited to a be a bridesmaid anymore, as if its more of a burden.
Post # 4
Its really up to you. Are there other friends that you would rather have as bridesmaids? Do you think she would be able to make time in her schedule to do fittings and etc?
Post # 5
I think that this is a decision that is completely up to you. Having a family and distance between each other is going to make a friendship hard. Maybe having her as a bridesmaid will help you recindle your friendship, it might be worth it.
Post # 6
It doesn’t sound like you are really friends – more like you once were, but haven’t had much in common for a while. Possibly your former friend regrets that, but if that is the case, she should be making some effort to spend time with you or at least have more contact with you. And I would be concerned – if she doesn’t have the time to email or text you, how is she ever going to have time to be a bridesmaid?
I think that the whole bridesmaid thing is sort of a status symbol for some women. It sounds like a great idea, and being asked makes them feel good – but actually doing the work and spending the money required is really not something they are that interested in. (You know – these are the kind of people who always want to be asked to the party but always have some kind of a conflict and so don’t show.) If the two of you really want to be better friends, you don’t need to ask her to be a bridesmaid to make that happen. And it’s not clear from your post whether you do really want to be closer with her.
If you do, I would let her know that while you regret how the two of you have grown apart, and really would like to be closer again, you’re having a small bridal party and have already filled it out. Then maybe suggest that if she wants to get together for coffee and whatever, you’d be happy to do that. If she really wants to be involved, there are lots of ways to help out that are less time-intensive than being a bridesmaid. And that kind of involvement won’t leave you in a bad position if or when it turns out that she really doesn’t have the time.
Post # 7
I had a very similar situation to the one you described. Ultimately, I decded not to have this woman as an attendant. To be honest, I didn’t even consider her for other roles in our wedding, as there are friends I am closer to who are not involved. It’s up to you, but in my situation, I only wanted those friends who have been by my side no matter the distance or other life circumstances. It makes it more difficult because we are having a large wedding party and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. That being said, I’ve been a bridesmaid nine times and I’m only having a few of those friends in our wedding party. Good luck! These decisions are so stressful. I contemplated just having my brother and sister as attendants because it stressed me out so much!
Post # 8
Do you have sisters? You could maybe have an all-family bridal party… or not have a bridesmaid at all?
Post # 9
Can she do something like a reading or hand out programs or stand over the guest book? I have friends who I know think they will be part of my party, but I have two best friends and my daughter and that is it. I only want to have people who I know will be in my life for the long haul and those are them. I have found little things for people to do who are close to us now and I hope will be moving forward, but I know how life is and how people change. I say that you tell her that you understand how tough it is to be involved and make the trip to you as much as would be required but as she is such an old friend, you still want her to be part of your day and give her a job.