Post # 152
@weddingmaven: This is not just an etiquette issue…this is a loss and negligence issue. It doesn’t make that it is ‘just cake’. It was something with a monetary value that was destroyed. If someone hit your car or a neighbour’s child smashed your window would you just ‘let it go’. I’m pretty sure that you would ask for compensation, call the police (for the car) and even maybe sue the person for damages if they refused.
Sometimes the only way people learn is by being confronted by their wrongdoing (bad parenting). If she refuses to learn from this then it’s up to everyone to just leave her off the invite list from now on.
Post # 153
@arabbel: Exactly! Everyone is so busy tiptoeing around not wanting to be rude that no one is being held responsible for their (or their children’s) actions. When did this happen? And how do we fix it?
YOU BREAK IT YOU BOUGHT IT! That’s what I was taught growing up and that is why I am careful with anyone’s belongings (including my own). I can’t imagine either of my parents just laughing something like this off. I would have been told to apologize and help clean it up (yes, toddlers are capable of picking things up) AND my parents would have replaced the item. I would do (and have done) no less with my children. It’s teaching them respect which this ‘mother’ obviously has none!
Post # 154
@Carlasgettingmarried: I hope the update shows that this woman decides to finally take some responsibility for her bad decisions.
Post # 155
I would gather all the same people that were at this bridal shower and present the bride to be with a new cake. I would not invite that mother. By not being invited, she will probably get the hint that people did not appreciate what happened at the bridal shower and that they are are sick and tired of having her child destroy things without there being any consequences.
Or, call this mother up to let her know that since the first cake was destroyed, there will be another small celebration for this bride to be. Ask this mother if she can contribute towards the purchase of the second cake and let her know clearly that this time kids aren’t invited.
Post # 156
She should have, but don’t hold your breath. Sorry.
Post # 157
@chronicwhimsy: Ah, my mistake, I missed her other post. She should have really let the OP’s Mother-In-Law look after her child.
@Carlasgettingmarried: Good luck, getting it handled. I hope it turns out well.
Post # 158
@babypearls: if children cannot be managed in a way that is appropriate for the situation, then they should be left at home for that particular event. To simply say “well, he’s just a toddler and he’s hard to control and it’s just an accident” is not acceptable.
@strawbabies: I died at “crotch fruit” such the perfect description for those parents who think their special snowflake kid can do no wrong and must be allowed to go anywhere they gdespite being an complete tornado destroying everything in it’s path!
@starbuckslover: I so agree with everything you wrote.
@Carlasgettingmarried: Until I saw your update, I wasn’t sure what the point of asking the mom for the money was. It’s a nice idea but just not sure if I think it’s appropriate to call and ask for the money. I completely understand your anger with the situation though. Hope things turn out well for you and the bride gets her cake. She most definitely could have handled that situation in a better manner.
*Despite how I may come off in this post, I actually love kids…had about 20 under 10 at my own wedding. They need to be taught how to behave though. Unlike what more and more parents show these days with all the excuses they make for awful behavior, discipline is not a bad thing. /end of rant
Post # 159
So we have a solution…but not quite how anybody expected it to happen. I should probably tell you that the mom of the now-infamous toddler knew all about the backstory to the cake which is what made her reaction so infuriating.
Jedi Mind Trick Bridesmaid or Best Man called up the guilty party and told her that the bride was really upset about what happened at her shower with the cake and all. Bridesmaid or Best Man said that since her daughter was the one who pulled down the really expensive cake everybody would really appreciate it if she could see her way to helping to provide a replacement. The guilty party utterly flipped out and started saying horrible things to Bridesmaid or Best Man (she brought up BM’s trouble TTC!) and then said ‘expect to apear on my blog!’ and hung up. Luckily Bridesmaid or Best Man wasn’t hurt by any of this. She works with emotionally disturbed kids so she is used to worse.
After Bridesmaid or Best Man called me and told me everything that happened, the guilty party called me and tried to complain about how mean Bridesmaid or Best Man was being to her. I told her that all of the BMs were a united front on this and that it was her own fault. She hung up on me too.
It looked like we weren’t going to get our money back but then the guilty party’s husband called me up and asked me what was going on. He said that his wife was in tears because none of her friends were speaking to her and they hated ther daughter. I told him what happened and he said that he had no idea and apologised. He tried to give me the whole ‘kids will be kids’ crap but I called him on it and asked him ‘Would you EVER expect my twins to do something like that? Do you think if it was your cake I would have laughed and then walked away?’ and he said no. We talked about it for a while and he finally said that he could understand why we were so upset and that he would pay for the cake to rectify the situation. He said he really hoped that this would be an end to everything and that the other BMs and I could go back to being friends with his wife again.
I trust him to keep his word because he knows that I won’t speak to his wife again if he doesn’t and he and SO are friends so obviously he wants to keep the peace. I don’t think he really is sorry or sees why his wife and daughter behaved unacceptably but at least the bride is getting a replacement cake!
Post # 160
@Carlasgettingmarried: …PLEASE send me the link to that blog. >:D
Post # 161
@Carlasgettingmarried: “I trust him to keep his word because he knows that I won’t speak to his wife again if he doesn’t…”
This is called emotional blackmail. Yes the mother made a terrible mistake and the husband has offered to help, but you especially seem to be taking this to a level that doesn’t speak highly of you as a person or a friend. She’s your friend, she’s pregnant- holding the friendship over her head for ransom until you get your cake makes it harder by the update to have any sympathy for your side.
Post # 162
@RipleyC: yeap I totally agree with you. This really has been taken to far:(
Post # 163
@Holly77: I totally agree. It’s like a scene from the movie Mean Girls.
OP it is pretty obvious by the lengths that you and the other BM’s are going to over this that it is about more than a bloody cake. You clearly dislike this women why not just women up and admit it. She probably knew this before the cake incident.
Post # 164
@RipleyC: I could have phrased that better but after the things she said to me and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man there is no friendship. She decided that. I just meant that if no ammends are made then I won’t try so hard to be nice and civil to her.
Post # 165
@j_jaye: +1 Mean Girls is the perfect reference for this
“This friend does asshole things like this all of the time and nobody ever says anything to her.”
“I think this incident kind of showed what an asshole she is…”
“…her spoiled child does stuff like this all of the time…”
“She’s just a crappy parent…”
“nothing the bridesmaids could do in this situation would match the tackiness displayed by my ‘friend’ “
Yea, and so what about all the things you said about her before she ever said anything to you or the other BM? Sounds like there was already no friendship beforehand if you felt comfortable coming on the Bee and trash talking her to this extent, no? And I’m sure if you sent her the link to this thread so she could read through all your comments, she wouldn’t be so anxious to try and win back your “civility.” I think you’re right that calling it a day on the “friendships” is a blessing for all parties involved.
Post # 166
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@Carlasgettingmarried: Good grief, someone needs to tell that woman that anyone who says “This is going on my BLOG” in an argument immediately loses any credibility whatsoever.
I’m glad things have been resolved – it sounds like the woman and her husband identified you as a ‘weak link’ in the group of friends, because it’s interesting they both came to talk to you rather than the Bridesmaid or Best Man who originally called – presumably either hoping you’d say “Oh, it’s fine” and be sympathetic to them, or at least to stir up a bit of trouble.