(Closed) Should spouses be in "family" photos of in-laws?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
Mlim: At my SIL’s (husband’s sister) engagement dinner, my MIL/FIL and their children took a big family picture with just their kids and the new soon to be addition to the family, while I and the other SIL, not blood related, watched, from ten feet away. I thought they would then call us in for a shot of everyone afterwards since not doing that would be, you know, rude. They didn’t. Yet, they didn’t take one WITHOUT the Brother-In-Law to be. Makes no flipping sense. 

I was extremely hurt and offended by it. It actually put a big damper on my mood the rest of that evening. I even mentioned it to my husband the next day, who saw the wrong it once I explained how I felt. 

I don’t see the point in taking pictures of just blood relatives if a person is married into that family. I can understand wanting to take a pic of just blood, but to not also have the desire to want one with the in-laws as well, I can’t understand. Especially if they expect any future grandchildren to be in pics with them then. It’s so hurtful and sets such a divide and wall between “real” family and in-laws. If I attend all family dinners/functions, am there through the good and bad times happening in the family, will be an aunt to the children of my sibling in-laws, then I damn well better be in a FAMILY pic. 

Post # 48
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2016

In my family we always include whoever is married but not girlfriends or boyfriends. The only time we ever excluded half of a married couple was because we all knew he was planning to ask for a divorce so she wouldn’t be around for much longer. I personally think it’s a direct insult to exclude someone if they are married because it is like saying they aren’t accepted or approved by the family.

Post # 49
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t get being upset by this.  If my Future Mother-In-Law was at a gathering and asked for a picture with her children, then it’s a picture with her children!  I don’t see why you would be upset about it.  She has done this in the past, and I completely agree that spouses can come and go, but her children will always be her children.  She will also usually get a photo of everyone who is there.  That means girlfriends of a week, friends of her children and just anyone else who is there.  

Now Future Sister-In-Law has had a child with her partner, and they have been together 3 years less than Fiance and I (and not married)  If he was included in the shot and I wasn’t, then my feelings would definitely be hurt!

If I was a girlfriend and the married couples were included but I wasn’t, I’d understand that too.  But if I was a fiance and not included then I think I would be hurt too.

Post # 50
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Just wanted to add, at my 21st birthday a few years ago, I had a party with family, friends and partners.  I asked someone to take a photo with all my close friends in it, and none of the partners came forward to be a part of the photo, except those that are friends in their own right (as in I’d keep in touch with them if they split from my friend) 

Was that being excluding of the partners?

Post # 51
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Rocky Mountains-May 2017

I’d say yes, mostly because I think it hurts a bit when I’m not included. We’ve been together over 5 years and recently engaged and yet they always ask me to take photos of them all together and that’s all. No pictures of me and the Fiance and no asking a passerby to take a quick group photo…

Post # 52
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If we have people gathered and are taking a ‘family photo’, there’s usually one that’s just the family and then the family with spouses.

Post # 54
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
Mlim:  We were recently at a family wedding of my husbands grandfather. They did pictures of all of his kids (so Mother-In-Law and her siblings) alone and then called in the spouses. then they did pictures of all of the grandkids (so my husband and his siblings and cousins) which included a great grandkid. I waited for spouses to be called in then since they did it with the older crowd (three are married including my husband and I) and they were “just like, ok were done”.

It stung. I’m not sure why – I am a super sensitive person. To me, it just felt like they were saying “well you’ll prob get a divorce so we really don’t want you in the picture”.  I know the other spouse was annoyed his child was in the picture and they didn’t ask him to be in it. 

Post # 55
Member
4227 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I see nothing wrong with a few ‘blood’ photos, as long as there are some ‘all family’ shots done as well. At my wedding, my DH’s brother’s wife was included in the pics (because they are married obviously!). Way back at my DH’s brother and SIL’s wedding, we were just barely engaged. I was asked to be in some of the family photos, but there were still some I wasn’t in. 

The point is it was handled TACTFULLY! 

Post # 56
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I kind of wish I had a wedding photo of my family without my brother’s wife in it…because a few months after the wedding they announced their divorce and all my family wedding pictures have her in them…not to mention my bridesmaid photos! 

Post # 57
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I have no problem being excluded from family pics as a fiance, though i would be hurt if i was excluded as a spouse for a family photo.

If mums taking a photo with just her kids and even grandkids, that is a separate type of photo,and i think she is entitled.to ask for one.  

At my wedding we will be doing for each family an all inclusive photo, a photo with just family (no partners, only married people) and then one with just blood relatives.  I dont see why people get upset about these combinations, if it is a blanket rule than i think they are rarely malicious.

Now if you are the only wife left out or something then it is malicious.

Post # 58
Member
8936 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Who cares? This wouldn’t bother me in the least. I don’t feel the need to be in every photo with my husband or kids, no matter who is taking it or who else is in it. I guess if all the other spouses were in it and they said to me “no no, not you though” I might think “that’s weird” but otherwise, it would not even occur to me to be offended.

Post # 59
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yeahhh when my Mother-In-Law forcefully directed my pro photog to get me out of a portrait so she could have pics of her “real children…” Not okay.

im in the “you’re engaged/married, you’re in the pic” camp. 

Post # 60
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Once upon a time, my ex and I planned to be married. Thankfully, he showed his true colors and I avoided what could have been a huge mistake. All that to say…I don’t have an issue excluding boyfriends or girlfriends from family photos. They’re not family. I also wouldn’t feel offended if I was excluded from my fiancè’s family photos. Our time will come.

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