(Closed) Should spouses be in "family" photos of in-laws?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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BeachBee1988:  Say what??? That’s crazy! Your Mother-In-Law seems just as pleasant as mine. I commented on this post 7 months ago and the segregation unfortunately continues for me. 🙁 

At my SILs wedding two months ago, the professional photographer was taking “family pics”. Sure enough, there stood my other SIL (who married into the family) and I, hair and makeup professionally done, nice evening gowns on…staring at the family taking the family pic, with the groom/soon-to-be Brother-In-Law in it, of course. They took about 4 or 5, and sure enough, SIL and I were never asked to get in for a pic of everyone at some point. It did not go unnoticed by my SIL and I who looked at each other and whispered our frustration and annoyance to one another. Mind you, there are two grandchildren in the family, with one being my SILs new 3 month old baby, and neither us nor the grandkids were in the family picture. I sometimes wonder WTF is wrong with them not noticing or caring how wrong this is. And it sure as heck causes resentment towards the family in my eyes. 

Post # 62
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yes. If they are a spouse then absolutely. Marriage = family, whether anyone likes it or not. 

Post # 63
Member
834 posts
Busy bee

include the inlaws. im not married to my bf yet but his mother and his entire extended family said I had to be in the family photos because I am family (bf’s  brother got married). I don’t think the bride cared… if she did, we never heard of it. She never asked me to be in the photos – then again his entire family said I had to be in it because I am family.. she really didn’t say much lol. 

Post # 64
Member
10695 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

 

I’m in the ‘include’ camp. Always, married or not ( well maybe not gf/bf of a few weeks    )

How do these people think their grandkids get born, if it wasn’t for all the ‘not of our blood ‘  partners! Can’t be doing with this  exclusion stuff myself, family is not some immutable sacred monolithic   entity,  it’s a fluid/growing/changing construct .

Post # 65
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Everyone at my wedding was in the photos, even my cousin’s fiancee (they weren’t engaged then). For me, if people are there, they’ll be in the photos, no matter who they are!

Post # 66
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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Diamond84:  Ugh I’m so glad im not alone in this… 

My Mother-In-Law really does try to make me acutely aware of my status as a piece of crap. Good thing I don’t value her opinion too much!! 🙂

Post # 67
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

I have 3 married daughters and we are a blended family with 5 kids.  We do both.  Yes, I want a photo of just our 5 kids.  BUT… I also want a photo of my complete family and my sons-in-law are family.  I do not understand not including fiance’s and spouses of your children in pictures, but I think it is fine if you do both.  With DH and I, 5 kids, 3 sons in law and 6 grandkids we have a pretty awesome looking brood.  I enjoy both pictures and both are equally important to me.

I think it would be extremely hurtful to not include fiance’s and spouses in the mix.

Post # 69
Member
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My family is pretty inclusive. I am engaged and one of my sisters is in a long-term relationship (5 years). My other sister is only 12 and my half brothers are 7 and 3, so they don’t have SOs as yet lol. Usually, a family photo includes my Fiance and my sister’s boyfriend – we had professional family portraits taken a few weeks ago and they were both asked to come along. On the odd occasion, we will have a photo of just my dad, step mum and the kids (or mum and the kids) but it’s always followed up by one with the SOs.

My FI’s family, on the other hand, is a little less inclusive. Whilst they occasionally do family photos that include SOs, they often do ones that are only the children and married spouses (only one of his three sisters is currently married). I’ve never really found this hurtful, as I’ve always known that this is how my in-laws operate.

Post # 70
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

This is one of those situations where no matter what happens, someone is going to be hurt and saying “why?”

This is before we even get to the family members who refuse to be in pictures at all.

Post # 71
Member
11515 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Mlim:  I’m generally included in DH’s family pictures and he in mine(and was before we were engaged – one we lived together we were considered family).

I understand wanted ‘blood’ only pictures but typically the SO’s are also included in a shot.  If it’s just a group picture from a fuction like a birthday party or Christmas or something generally it’s a bunch of shots of the whole group.  Formal pics are the only time people in our fmaily tend to split it up.

Post # 72
Member
4095 posts
Honey bee

We always have spouses in family photos on both my side and my husband’s. However I’m sure there have been times where my Mother-In-Law requested just her kids…I just can’t remember. It wouldn’t bother me if both types of photos were taken but if only a siblings photo was requested, my feelings may be a little hurt. I honestly wouldn’t bother saying anything to my Mother-In-Law though. Some things just aren’t worth taking personally and causing issues over. If it means something to you to have a picture of the whole family, you could request one for yourself after the sibling only picture was taken.

Post # 74
Member
430 posts
Helper bee

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pinkshoes:  

How do you feel about grandchildren? My father-in-law deliberately exluded husband’s and my daughter (of course, I was excluded, too), but the out-of-wedlock child of sister-in-law (the father is long out of the picture) was included because she’s his grandchild — somehow implying that my daughter despite being his biological grandchild as well isn’t. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Profile PhotoPersephone.
Post # 75
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I think spouses should always be included, at very least take two sets, one with and one without. At our reception my husband’s aunt wanted a photo of the family and my sister in law’s fiance just stood to the side, my husband and I both immediately yelled at him to come get in. I mean we are all family.

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