(Closed) Should the bride be involved in planning the bachlorette party and expenses????

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2058 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I had MAJOR issues at my bachelorette party feeling guilty about all the money being spent on me.  I kept offering to pay for things and no one let me.

Finally one of my friends pulled me aside and told me everyone was getting annoyed with my offers to pay.  So I relented a bit.  Afterwards I sent everyone a very nice card profusely thanking them and also got everyone a small gift.  

But yeah, it’s super super awkward.  But as long as you aren’t demanding a multi-day bachelorette to an expensive spot, let them have fun and stay out of the planning! 

Post # 4
Member
8679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i would have no problem contributing to my bachelorette party.  i know what the basic plan is, but not everything. 

I know my Maid/Matron of Honor is giving everyone options: stay for the day and do the activities or pay extra to stay overnight, etc.

Post # 5
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d have a hard time letting everyone/anyone pay for me! I think BM’s normally feel it’s their responsibility to pay for it. Others may not, I think it depends on the BM’s/bride IMO.

Post # 7
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m well aware of (and not annoyed by) the fact that my Maid/Matron of Honor won’t be particularly effective at organizing a bachelorette party. I have always planned on just getting the logistics down myself and basically hosting it. I’ll offer to pay for myself, as it only seems fair. I won’t be shocked, however, if that offer is declined by my ladies. My goal is to spend time with my best friends, so I’m willing to be flexible.

 

Given where we all live, it will either have to be in NYC or Washington, D.C., which is part of why I don’t mind paying my share. Those are expensive cities!

Post # 8
Member
6114 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t say I have control issues, but I’m not comfortable with not being involved in the planning. I’m very detail oriented so I will most likely be involved in the planning process at least to a certain extent. I’m doing the same for my bridal shower. I give suggestions/ideas to my Maid/Matron of Honor and then let her execute them and add some other details of her own. So I might get some surprises at the party and shower but that’s totally fine with me. Honestly, I’ll probably arrive early to my shower and help set up because that’s just the way I am. As far as the money aspect, I’m fully prepared to pay for myself in the event that my girls aren’t able to. We are probably just going to rent a party bus and go out at the oceanfront so it’s not like it will be very expensive.

Post # 9
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know very little about my bachelorette party. I pretty much just know the date, what city it is in, and that it is overnight. Oh, I also know that my BM’s dad used points for the hotel so nobody had to pay for the 1 night stay.

But you bet that regardless of what we do that I will be offering to help pay for things! My girlfriend didn’t offer to pay for ANYTHING at her bachelorette party. I mean, meals and all! I wouldn’t have let her pay, but hearing her at least offer would have been nice.

Post # 10
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My ladies found a bunch of options and had me pick from those what I would like to do. We’re doing dinner at a friend’s house (chose this instead of restaurant to keep costs down), and so I’m going to bring some wine/booze to help with people not having to buy drinks when we go out. The girls won’t plan something they can’t afford, so don’t worry about it, but maybe do something nice for them to thank them if you want.

Post # 11
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I completely planned out my bestie’s bachelorette party and told her it was a secret. Me and the other guests covered all the expenses so she didn’t have to pay a dime.

 

I wouldn’t expect this kind of treatment, but I think that (if it suits their personality) letting someone else take over the bachelorette party planning can be an awesome thing! I know I loved every minute of planning besties Bridal Party, and I’m glad she let me do it. So if it’s offered, I say let it happen and enjoy it — and know that your friends want to do it as something special for you.

(ETA — My bestie is now my Maid/Matron of Honor and is organizing my Bridal Party. I live in Chicago and she doesn’t know the area at all, so I have been helping but she is making all the final decisions and doing all of the organizing. I personally prefer it this way since I am the “responsible one” in my group of friends, so it’s nice to have some involvement and know that thngs are getting done!)

 

 

And as far as paying goes — definitely offer, but if they want to pay for things don’t be pushy about wanting to pay. There’s something to be said for accepting a gift graciously!

 

Post # 12
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@larissamarie19:  No.  This is a party being thrown in your honor – the bride doesn’t get to dictate the terms or how much must be spent upon her.

Post # 13
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

I will be planning with my Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t expect any gifts, it’s just for fun and we are covering the costs as part of our wedding budget.  It’s really just an excuse for a girls night and child free evening for me. I might also have a need for control 😉

Post # 14
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

@larissamarie19:  If you feel worried, just let them know that you don’t expect anything too fancy… that will take the pressure off for all of you.

Post # 15
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Stay out of it. This is something that people plan for you. The more you try to insert yourself into the planning, the more difficulty you will create for yourself. If they want your input on something, they will ask. Otherwise, trust that they are adults and can handle this. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this part. And remember, pre-wedding parties are bonuses, not required elements for getting married. So don’t get cuaght up in them.

Post # 16
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I haven’t heard a word about my bachelorette party, except for a brief mentioning of going to AC. I have no clue what’s going on. I’m a planner, so to be honest I’m a little worried (if they’re planning a surprise, what if I make plans that weekend?!? haha I know, I know, I’m just a planner!!) but I’m trying not think about it. I have so many other things going on right now, a bachelorette party is kind of the last thing on my mind. 

I wouldn’t mind one bit paying for anything at all. I feel funny letting my friends — some of which don’t have much money at all — pay for a fun night out for me. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens. 

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