should the bride pay?

posted 2 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I’m going to my future SIL’s bachelorette party this weekend (I’m a bridesmaid) and I agree with you – the bride DOES NOT PAY. She is the ‘guest of honor’ and it’s to celebrate her. Especially when you have 15 people, it shouldn’t be expensive to all pitch in and help pay for her portion! SIL will not be paying for any drinks this weekend and isn’t paying for her portion of the hotel either. All us bridesmaids paid an extra $5 to cover her portion. We will be doing the same for her entry to the strip show and for her drinks.

Post # 3
Member
4128 posts
Honey bee

My answer depends on the type of bachelorette and whether the woman who complained is a member of the bridal party or simply a guest of the bachelorette.

1.  I think the bride needs to pay for anything above and beyond what would be a one night out party.  So if it’s a one day party with a sip and paint event, dinner, and then drinks and dancing the bride shouldn’t be expected to pay.  If it’s multi-day out of town, I believe the bride needs to pay for her own transportation and lodging except in the rare instance of it being a complete surprise planned without the knowledge of the bride.

2.  I don’t believe that ordinary bachelorette guests should be on the hook for paying for the bride.  I believe that should be the responsibility of the person(s) who decided to plan and host the bachelorette.  It’s certainly kind if a guest offers to buy the bride a drink or chip in for their dinner while out, but I don’t believe the people actually planning and hosting the bachelorette should be making their plans based on the guests footing the bill for the bride.  They shouldn’t be expecting that outright and essentially billing the guests.  That should be their own responsibility and factoring into their own budget as hosts, not the guests.  Then if other people offer to chip in for the bride and cover a round while at the party it’s a happy surprise.

Post # 4
Member
2845 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

alfalfasprout10518 :  All of the bachelorette parties that I’ve been to we’ve covered the brides portion, my friends did the same for me. 

I picked up some of my own drinks for mine, but for the most part my friends took turns buying rounds.

Seems pretty normal to me to cover her costs unless she’s demanding something super extravagent that is going to be ridiculously expensive… 

(ETA all of the bachelorette parties I’ve been to including my own have been out of town, typically two nights in case that matters)

Post # 5
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

To me it really depends on A) how expensive and elaborate the bach is and, B) if the bride had any hand in planning it or making suggestions for what she wanted for it. 

If the bride specifically requested something super elaborate and pricey, she should pay for herself. But if it’s a night out on the town or a night or two at a cabin with the girls and it was all planned by and agreed to by the rest of the gang, I think it is nice to pay for her. 

Post # 6
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Yeah the only things a bride should potentially pay for are her flight or lodging if she requests an OTT out of town weekend. I paid for nothing at my bachelorette and my best friend paid for nothing at hers. I think they split the cost of my Air BnB between them, and then they took turns buying my drinks and food. We did similar for my best friend. I covered her activities, the other girls paid for her food and drinks.

Post # 7
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I agree with PP’s. If it’s an “out of the ordinary” or extravagant event, then I don’t think the bridesmaids should be held responsible for paying for the whole thing.

Myself, I had a one night event. We did dinner and drinks, I didn’t pay for anything except maybe a drink at one point. Otherwise my bridesmaids covered my dinner and most of my drinks. We also got a hotel suite and they paid for my portion of that and split the rest. 

I have done the same for any bach i’ve gone to. Bride typically doesn’t pay for anything since it’s honoring her. 

Post # 9
Member
2845 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

alfalfasprout10518 :  If she agreed and is now back tracking, do you think she just can’t afford it?

Post # 10
Member
4836 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think this depends on the circle, my bridesmaids covered my share of my hen which I didn’t expect and is very generous of them as it was fairly extravagant.  I think I paid for one round of drinks and I had to sneak to the bar to order them. I’ve gone to several hens when the bride has paid for her share and that is totally normal too. 

However I guess this is where the cultural differences come in, particularly with the recent thread from a UK bee planning her own hen.  Hens are much less of a party thrown in the bride’s honor and more of a chance for the bride to hang out with all of her friends as a pre wedding activity. 

Post # 11
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

alfalfasprout10518 :  But if we all set a budget and stick to it, the bride shouldn’t pay for herself.

 

If all participants agreed to a set cost beforehand, and the costs stay within those parameters, I think it’s ridiculous to worry about whether or not the bride is paying her own way. If I agree to pay $100, and then realize I’m covering 1/15th of the bride’s portion, and that if she were to pay her own way, it would cost me $93.75…well that seems awfully petty to complain.

But that’s in this specific case where everyone was consulted and agreed to pay $xx.

 

Now, if say, the bachelorette is a weekend in Miami, and the party is smaller, to the point where covering the bride would add 25-33% of an already 4 figure sum, then I think paying for the bride is entirely elective and no one should be bullied or shamed into not wanting to do that.

Post # 12
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

alfalfasprout10518 :  I’ve never been to a bachelorette where the bride paid for anything. I agree that whoever is hosting/planning the party is typically doing so with the intent of covering a party as a gift/celebration for the bride

I agree that huge elaborate out of town BPs aren’t the responsibility of the bridesmaids/MOH etc unless they are doing so of their own accord. Brides demanding these kinds of parties are full responsible for covering their own expenses, at the very least. 

I have been invited to bachelorettes where I was a guest, rather than one of the planners, and even then I STILL pitched in to cover the bride’s dinner/drinks etc. 

Bish sounds stingy. 

Post # 15
Member
11489 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I think this comes down to whether or not this friend had any part in planning or setting the budget for this event. If not, then no, it is rude to impose it upon on her. 

ETA I see she was involved, but was it made clear to her that the agreed upon per person budget did not include the bride’s share?

In general, a guest of honor on any occasion does not pay for herself. I don’t make any exceptions for multi day, over out of town or over tbe top events because I think those are almost always an inappropriate burden. 

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