(Closed) Should the engagement ring be a total surprise? Who helped pick out their own?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
845 posts
Busy bee

I picked My own ring as well as basically giving him a deadine of when to propose.. I’m turning 30 and we want kids and he knows how I feel about when I have my kids.. I feel bad having given him a deadline and he has said I took the fun out of it but it’s not that fun for me either having to tell him “hey look we have been together for 4.5 years, all we talk about is our future constantly and you and I both want kids asap, is something happening here or what?” 

I would have rather been surprised but he admitted after I gave him my deadline that he would have proposed in the next year to 2 years.. I said “well if I’d waited at the later end of that 2 years, we wouldnt be trying to have kids til at least 33/34 after planning and a wedding… that was too late for me.. 

He agreed and said he never thought that far into it and he was kinda glad I spoke up. 

Post # 17
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My Fiance actually picked the ring out himself, however even after hinting him for 2 years that I want halo, he only remember me telling him that I want a big rock lol! So he got me a big rock without the halo, but later added the halo after we got engaged lol 🙂

Post # 18
Member
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my ring was a complete suprise.

i knew what the diamond looked like since it was my grandmother’s.  i gave DH a few pictures of what I liked and he had the ring designed.  at one point, there was a question of lingo vs pictures i had shown (i had the wrong term, but correct picture) and he wanted me to talk to the jeweler to verify what I wanted.

i told DH the ring design was up to him and he could make all final decisions, i would see it when he gave it to me.

i was OK with a surprise.

others go and help pick out/design the ring.  it really is up to you and your SO how you want to handle it.

Post # 19
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I started out wanting the whole thing to be a surprise- the ring, the proposal, etc. But then we started talking and I suggested we go look at rings to get an idea of what we liked, price ranges, etc. And that’s when we found the ring I fell in love with so I actually ended up picking my own ring! And the proposal I had a pretty good idea it was coming when it did so it wasn’t a huge surprise. 

 

I agree with PP that maybe a nice compromise for yall would be you pick out a couple rings you like and then he gets final say about which one he buys for you. 

Post # 20
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

I sent him links to a few rings I liked and told him what things I didn’t want (yellow gold, heart shaped stones, plain solitaire). He picked out a very nice ring that I love because he chose it. It probably isn’t the ring I would have picked for myself, but I am glad I let him pick it out.

Post # 21
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not engaged yet, but am patiently (actually growing impatient) waiting. My boyfriend and I just went out to look at rings not long ago and I remember asking him if he had to do it all on his own without my input what he would have picked and his reponse was 100% different than anything I would have picked! However, when I told him what I did like (a pear shaped diamond) he was not really liking it too much, so we have compromised and I will be getting a marquise. I feel like if they’re the ones spending all the money and you’re in this relationship together than it should be a ring that you both like. I’ve since shown him a few different settings I like and am letting him surprise me with that and when/where the actual proposal will be.

Post # 22
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I picked out my ring. My fiance brought me a catalog, and I circled what I likled. There were several very similar options, and he picked one. I would not have trusted him to pick out a ring because I am the one who will be wearing it for the rest of my life. 

Post # 23
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper

My fiance picked out my ring entirely on his own; I had zero input and we did not discuss the ring until the moment he showed it to me when he proposed. We did discuss getting engaged, but never the ring. He’s not American, so I wasn’t even sure he would propose with a ring. I privately hoped he would, but I would have been happy to get engaged either way. As for jewelry, I am not super picky; I like things that are simple and classy, and he has similar taste, so the idea of him picking it out didn’t worry me. Now that I have the ring, I LOVE it, and the fact that he went shopping for it all on his own, put thought into it (he consulted his sister), etc., makes it really meaningful. Not that it wouldn’t have been meaningful if I had picked it out—but I love the way he handled everything.

Post # 24
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
diamond78:  We make 99% of our decisions together, and the ring was no different. we spent over a year casually looking at rings whenever we were near a jewellery store, and narrowed in on something we both loved! We had so much fun picking it out. There wasn’t much secrecy in the proposal either – he suspiciously “had to go out with his dad without me” and then proposed the next day. What a guy 🙂 For us marriage was on the table almost from our first date, and so we just jumped in to the whole thing as partners.

Post # 25
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My Fiance picked mine out. He brought my sister with him but she said he pretty much picked it out himself. The first band he picked up is the one he got and I couldn’t be happier with his choice 🙂 we had discussed what I liked and what I didn’t like but for me personally I wanted my ring to be from him. I didn’t want to be the one picking it out. 

Post # 26
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee

My Fiance gave me a budget and I took it from there. I love my ring, and I also hate to think what he would have ended up with. 

Post # 27
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We picked mine out together about an hour after he proposed.  You have to wear it for the rest of your life, why not have some input? 

Post # 28
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

DH proposed with a placeholder ring (borrowed from his mum) and we picked mine the next day. He knew I wanted to pick my own.

Post # 29
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I picked my own ring. No regrets here.

I knew my engagement was coming too, I expected it on the day it happened and I was STILL surprised. Just when I threw the idea of it happening out the window it happened.

Post # 30
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
diamond78:  My guy wanted my input on the ring. He says I’m too damn picky, lol. I told him what I liked and showed him examples online. He honestly rejected a lot of my options because he wanted to give me something more special or expensive, or hr just flat out didn’t like it. He came to his decision based on what we both liked, and the ring and proposal were still both an amazing surprise! I had an inkling the ring he gave was the one he was going to purchase, but there were other options we both liked so I was still surprised. 

At the very least, I think he should be open to your input. This is a piece of jewelry he will expect you to wear everyday, so he doesn’t want to give you something you dislike! Look at rings online together so he can get a feel for what you like and don’t like. 

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