(Closed) Should the engagement ring be a total surprise? Who helped pick out their own?

posted 6 years ago in Engagement
Post # 46
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I designed mine with the jeweller. His only rule was that the centre stone was coloured (fine by me as I wanted a blue sapphire!). 

Once the design was finalised, the jeweller sent us the invoice and he paid it #romance.

Post # 47
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

After mutually deciding to get married (sans ring), I just brought up what I wanted to my partner since I am particular about my jewelry and would have to be the one who wears it forever lol. Poor guy didn’t know where to start with all the options, and at the same time he wanted to make sure he got it right the first time so he was happy with my involvement. I picked the center stone, chose five settings I liked, and he picked out “the one” with our jeweler in private. When the finished ering came in, I was still surprised since I didn’t know what he ended up going with and I thought it was the perfect compromise. My partner and I did what made most sense to us as a couple, and I would advise for you to do the same! Good luck!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by meandmrbee15.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by meandmrbee15.
Post # 48
Member
8515 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Mine was kinda a surprise and kinda not. Fiance and I had the same ring in mind (Tiffany solitaire) and then Fiance made all final decisions about the 4C’s after I went in with him one day to try some on and get my finger sized.

Post # 49
Member
38 posts
Newbee

My proposal was a ringless surprise. When I asked where the ring was, he said he wanted to pick it out together, because I’m “picky.” (He’s not wrong!) I would look at designs and show him and he would approve or veto them. I really wanted rose gold, but because I already have a severe nickel allergy we decided against it, and we also ruled out diamonds together. Eventually we found a place that custom designed exactly what we wanted. He’s happy with it because I’m happy with it. Since, you know, I’ll be wearing it forever. 

Post # 50
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I chose it- I went to all the appointments, drew pictures, made a pinterest board and printed off pics from wedding bee! We refined it together so it was something we both liked.

He helped choose his engagement watch.

if you’re not sure just look at all the boards where women are complaining about their rings and asking advice for how to hint to him she’d like it changed.

It is such a major piece of jewellery that you’ll wear every day and an investment- is there anything that big you’d get for him without his input.

Also if he actually would have to choose without you he would be so stressed.

edit: he did sneak in and pick it up from the jeweller without me to surprise me with a proposal.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by penny2015.
Post # 51
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Im doing the same as you – we are picking it out together at Tiffanys this month as he is very indecisive and doesnt want to get it wrong, but the proposal will be a surprise. I have no idea if hes holding onto it for a day or 5 years!! 

I am really looking forward to the experience of picking it together at the end of this month when we go, and so is he. Im actually also inclined to pick a few i like and let him make the final choice alone so its still a bit of a surprise! i dont think theres anything wrong with choosing together at all πŸ™‚ 

 

Post # 52
Member
939 posts
Busy bee

My ex husband proposed with a ring that was no where near what I wanted at the time. I’m not talking about the ring specs (ct size, etc), the style wasn’t something I was expecting. 

My now Fiance proposed w/o a ring. He explained he wanted me to pick out whatever I wanted. He was worried he would make a bad choice (and he would have). He’s not one to sit down and read about diamonds and whatnot to educate himself on the matter. 

Post # 53
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
diamond78:  I picked mine. After asking one day what ring my fi would pick out if he had nothing to go on (and it was the farthest thing from what I would want) we both decided I needed to be involved. plus I’m soooo picky about jewelry. I hardly wear any because I don’t have a lot of jewelry I love.

While I picked it out, the proposal was a complete surprise. The ring was done in June and I didn’t see it until August when he proposed. I had no idea it was going to happen when it did. Best of both worlds I got the ring I adored and he surprised me with the proposal.

You have to wear the ring, do you want to take the chance that it won’t be your taste and you’ll have a hard time loving it?

Post # 54
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Wentworth Country Club

He used my promise ring to propose to me (I took it to be cleaned and he ended up picking it up without me knowing) so it was a complete surprise. A couple weeks later we went and chose my ring together. 

Post # 55
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I can understand both sides of the story and think that it is very sweet that he wanted to pick pick out your ring and surprise you. However you’re the one that is going to have to wear that ring for the rest of your life! 

He shouldn’t make you feel bad for wanting to have some sort of input on you ring. After all, the proposal and element of surprise lasts only a moment but the ring is forever.

My boyfriend is completely clueless when it comes to jewelry or really anything “style” related for that matter. I knew that I had to take matters into my own hand. Specially because I wanted a morganite ring instead of a traditional diamond. He had no clue what a morganite is. So in the pre engaged state I threw him plenty of hints, showed pictured to him of what I wanted, etc. He asked me to go look at morganite rings in person with him so that he knew what I liked, which I did happily but we did not pick a specific ring.

The proposal was beautiful and a complete surprise. But bless his heart, he proposed with a ring that I did not like. Thankfully he had no qualms about exchanging it because he wanted me to be completely satisfied. So I was able to pick out exactly what I wanted. And in my opinion, it’s much better that way! 😜

Good luck! 

PS: here’s mine πŸ˜πŸ’–

 

Post # 56
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I didn’t know helping pick one out was a thing. Mine was a complete surprise. He did a great job for the guy who gave me a car battery for my birthday lol 

Post # 57
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I was bored and scrolling through etsy a couple months after he talked about wanting to propose this year. I wasn’t even looking for anything specific just looking at pretty things. When I saw it I knew it was the one. I showed him and he agreed. Honestly I wouldn’t have really trusted him to get me a ring on his own. He is one of those guys who doesn’t see the point in jewellery and doesn’t know anything about it. Both of us are happy this way.

Post # 58
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

I am in the same situation. I love my SO but his taste in jewlery and my taste in jewlery are NOT the same. We have been looking together to see what I like and what he likes too. We decided that I will show him three rings that I really love and he will pick the final one as a surprise. Luckily I have 4 that I found that I love so we get that option. I will still be surprised, but know I love my ring! πŸ™‚

Post # 59
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
diamond78:  I know it seems traditional, but I would want at least some input in mine (for example, I look atrocious in gold jewelry. I’m also particular about stone cut. If this is something I’m going to be wearing forever, I want it to be something I love. 

Post # 60
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My fiance surprised me with the proposal without a ring as he knew that l’m very detailed person and he wanted me to be 100% happy with my engagement ring because l am the one who wears all the time for rest of my life! l am very happy that he let me choose the ring and l got exactly what l wanted. πŸ™‚ 

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