Post # 1
It is that time in my wedding planning to think about the rehearsal dinner. I am having a few issues with who to invite and how to communicate who I think should be invited…Here is the story:
FIL’s have agreed to host the rehearsal dinner. In September, they make a trip to KC to look at Rehearsal Dinner venues. When the visited in September, some talk of the guest list was had, but most was put off until a later date (now, I guess). We had briefly mentioned that the guest list would consist of those directly involved in the ceremony and grandparents. At the time, MY mother made a request (to me, not my FIL’s) that her sister & niece be allowed to accompany my grandmother to the rehearsal dinner. That, to this day, is really the only thing my mother has asked for during this wedding. When I mentioned this to my Future Mother-In-Law, she basically said she didn’t think that would be fair b/c no other aunts/uncles would be invited. The issue was this dismissed and no decisions were reached.
**I think this means so much to my mom, b/c my grandmother always travels with this Aunt and she doesn’t want to leave my Aunt at home alone during**
Our Rehearsal Dinner venue contacted us last week to begin finalizing details, which means we need to decide on the guest list…So, I have a few questions: Should I bring this up again and hope the she will allow my aunt/neice to come? If she doesn’t welcome this addition to the guest list out of “fairness” do I just let it go and try to explain it to my mom?
Also — I have a half-brother and half-sister that are not involved directly in the wedding…do they get invited to the RD? I am not very close with them, but I was invited to half-brother’s Rehearsal Dinner, even though not in the wedding. They are invited to the wedding (obviously).
Post # 3
Fiance discussed it and we’re including the Wedding Party, grandparents (possibly bc my grandparents aren’t doing well), Father-In-Law, my parents and maybe a few people from out of town, but that’s it. We’re not inviting any of my aunts/uncles or FI’s siblings because there would be way too many people there.
Post # 4
Perhaps your Fiance could talk with his parents and explain that your grandmother requires a “caregiver?” If she NEVER travels without her, that is essentially the role she is playing. I doubt they’d say no if you phrased it that way. Depending on how old your niece is, that may then give a little leeway to allow her to be invited as well. If she’s old enough to be alone during the Rehearsal Dinner, then don’t push for the niece. If not, then insist. You need to advocate for your family. Just because they are hosting doesn’t mean you can’t explain reasonable additions to the guest list.
Post # 5
My niece is a special circumstance. She is 18, but she has a mental handicap that prevents her from being alone…So, if my aunt comes, then my niece would also have to come.
Post # 6
Do you and your Fiance have a lot of aunt and uncles? If so, I kinda see your FMIL’s concern about offending the un-invited aunts and uncles. However, I would just explain to Future Mother-In-Law that your grandmother likes to travel with your aunt. Tell her that you’re hoping she’d be allowed to attend out of respect for the grandmother. Do you think that your mom would be willing to pay for the aunt/neice to attend? That could also help the situation if money is a concern of your Future In-Laws.
As for the half siblings, I think it just depends. Fiance has step brothers who are not going to attend as they’re not directly involved in the wedding. He assumes there’s not much reason for them to be there since they won’t be taking part in the ceremony rehearsal. I know other people who invite their entire family to the rehearsal dinner, however. It just depends on who is throwing it!
Post # 7
@blueshoes – we do have a lot of aunt/uncles! It just so happens that my mother only has ONE sibling that will be attending the wedding, but my father has 5 siblings and Fiance has 5 total from both sides….
I know that this week we are going to have to call or send her an email about the guest list and I just want to be prepared…at this point, I have them on my guest list with an asterick — maybe I should just take that away so I seem to have more confidence? Ugh! Future Mother-In-Law and I have had some issues with our wedding guest list before that I am not looking forward to revisiting! But, I can just hear my mom asking me to please do this one thing for her….
I actually have no problem paying for my aunt/cousin if it comes to that.
Post # 8
If you think there feelings would be hurt and/or you want them there offer to cover their costs. Maybe its the price that is keeping your Future Mother-In-Law from wanting to add to the guest list. Rehearsal dinners are a great way to include people you care about in the wedding weekend; regardless if they are involved in the actual ceremony!
It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law should be more understanding of the travel circumstances… I would defiantly try to explain it to her and voice your concern!