(Closed) Should they give a reason for declining?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It’s probably better if they don’t give you a reason because then you are less likely to look into the reason why they can’t come and judge it.

Post # 4
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Lbward6:  +1.

I know I’d do that, even without realising it.

Post # 5
7276 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

A few of them did but most didn’t. The ones who gave a reason were ones that we were surprised to see a decline from (good friend, close aunt…). 

For those who didn’t give a reason- I didn’t care at all. Most of or our declines were people our parents just wanted to invite anyways so it didn’t bother me at all.

Post # 6
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MistressBee:  most people gave a reason and I really appreciated it. Even people we were not close to. Most people we were not close with who did not come never sent their cards back at all.

Post # 7
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Guests do not need to give a reason.

I often write “I am so sorry that we will be unable to celebrate with you”.

What I really mean is ” We haven’t heard from you for years. I barely remember who you are. I think this is  a blatant pitch for a gift. Good luck with that.”

You may be better off not knowing the reason.

Post # 8
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MistressBee:  I don’t think people need to give a reason for declining. It doesn’t matter. They cannot make it, not for anyone to decide what is or isn’t acceptable. Could be a conflicting event that day, already have a vacation planned, can’t get off work, simply don’t want to go, etc. Not for anyone to need to explain. 

Post # 10
8694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Only a few people wrote messages on our declined invites. I wouldn’t take it personally.

Post # 11
276 posts
Helper bee

@MistressBee:  They don’t have to. What if they are declining because they have a personal doctor’s appointment? It really shouldn’t matter. Miss Manners says you only need to give your regrets and not your excuses. 

Post # 12
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MistressBee:  BUT only checking off “decline with regret” seems to be silently followed by “because I don’t like you that much” – unless there is at least a congratulations written on the card. No?

No. Because you sent them an RSVP card with a yes or no check box. There’s nothing else required or even requested from them aside from that. You really should take no’s with a grain of salt. Not everyone is going to be able to make it, and their reasons really are up to them.

Post # 14
9115 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Most of them didn’t. I had no strong feeling either way. They weren’t coming — I don’t need to know a reason. I didn’t investigate or pry.

Post # 15
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MistressBee:  no most didn’t and I couldn’t care less. No one needs a reason to decline. If they didn’t want to go and that was their reason that’s reason enough for me. It’s an invitation not a subpoena. 

I never write anything on the RSVP when I decline. I do always send a card and gift though. 

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