(Closed) Should they give a reason for declining?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s none of my business why they couldn’t attend.

I’m fine with that because it would irk me to no end if I were being badgered why I couldn’t attend someone else’s event, especially if it were for personal/medical reasons.

It’s a different story for the no-shows, mainly because I wanted to make sure they were okay since we were having a smallish wedding.

Post # 48
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wouldn’t care because I know that those who are important to me will be there. Whatever the reason all I care is if my Fiance turns up lol

Post # 49
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think this is one of those “depends on the wedding size” things.  If I was inviting 20 of my very nearest and dearest and someone couldn’t make it, that would be a huge blow and man I would want to know why.

That said, I have a wedding of 300+.  I don’t want to hear the excuses from 40% of the people who won’t make it.  90% of them will be repeats, and 10% of them would be just rude. 

I also don’t want to always explain my reasons for not going.  I don’t think the brides would always want to hear my explanation either.  I didn’t attend two weddings because I didn’t feel like travling 6 hours+ round trip for marriages that I didn’t think would last (and was right on both of them)  I am usually invited to around 3-7 weddings a year and sometimes my reason for saying no is because I stack rank who’s wedding I want to go to and cut off so many just to save myself the hassel.  At best, I could lie to these brides and make up an excuse for not going. 

Post # 50
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

As an adult I don’t have to justify my choices to attend or not attend functions to anyone. I’ll respectfully RSVP as I was asked, but I don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Its not a personal attack to decline an invite to something. 

Post # 51
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

@MistressBee:  I would not justify myself unless it was someone I am very close to (and even then, I would do everything I can to attend). 

I don’t expect people to give a reason if they decline. 

Post # 52
Member
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Personally, I really did not care what the reason was.

I RSVP’d no to a few weddings and was really at ease at the fact that I was not questioned……

Post # 53
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MistressBee:  only one person did.

Post # 54
Member
10452 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Yah they pretty much all did actually. Three sets of my parents’ friends have trips planned, one of my friends has a destination wedding to attend, and the rest of the declines aren’t local so that’s a reason in itself. 

Post # 55
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We had two people on my side decline without giving a reason. One of them sent us a card/gift later on (I suspected cost had something to do with it, b/c it would have been a Destination Wedding for her), but the other one just declined and stopped talking to me altogether. It wasn’t the declining, but the stopping talking to me that I found odd – it was a colleague from a previous job that was also a friend of mine… or so I thought.

Post # 56
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MistressBee:  Guests are not required to give you a reason for declining. An invitation is not a summons.  Hosts are not owed an explanation or justification. And even if they”re given one it’s likely only to hurt their feelings.  

I had a relative decline because her kids had a soccer game.  Yeah.  Better not to know.

Post # 57
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MistressBee:  never. i didn’t care about the reason. it was none of my business. i just wanted to know if they were coming or not.

i was more pissed about the people who said they were coming, didn’t show, and didn’t give an excuse. like seriously? you’re just gonna act like you didn’t come to my wedding?

Post # 58
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had guests give the craziest reasons for not coming… I would rather have not been told and left it at that. 

Personally, it’s none of my buisness if you cannot afford it, your truck recently broke down, your girlfriend needs to work that night and you have no one to go with…. 

I feel like it creates more problems. At least for me it did. 

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