(Closed) Should they pay if the wedding doesn't happen?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you were a BM and the wedding was called off, would you expect to be paid for the dress?
    Yes! If I spend all that money on a dress for an event that doesn't happen at any fault of my own! : (58 votes)
    37 %
    No! That's just what you sign up for as a bridesmaid and I would never expect to be reimbursed. : (98 votes)
    63 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2324 posts
    Buzzing bee

    mmm… as a Maid/Matron of Honor i think i’d understand that the bride would have a lot going on considering her wedding was called off, let alone bringing more worries to the table. I woudl think that’s a little selfish… I’d pay for the dress & console the bride

    Post # 4
    Member
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would be okay paying for the dress as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. The bride has enough going on! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1428 posts
    Bumble bee

    Been there…done that. My BM’s had all already bought their dresses when I discovered that my “husband-to-be” was cheating on me. Some people had already even purchased plane tickets to attend the wedding. When I found out what he had done, I wanted to die…BUT….it was the BEST thing that could’ve happened. My BM’s were happy that I called off getting married to a man who would cheat on me, I actually offered to pay for their dresses, but all four of them declined my offer.

    On the weekend that I was supposed to get married, we ended up having an awesome “family reunion”.

    Having been the “bride-to-be” in a situation like this, (and many times a BM), I would rather lose out on the cost of a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress , than to see a dear friend marry the wrong person.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5095 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t think I’d expect it, personally.  While I think it would be appropriate for the bride AND groom to reimburse their Wedding Party, I understand that if they’ve just lost a whole lot of money on the wedding it might not be possible. And certainly it’s probably the last thing on someone’s mind if they’ve just had to cancel their wedding. :/

    Post # 7
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think she is correct. But on a personal level I wouldn’t feel right taking that money from a friend if they had legitimate reasons for calling off the wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2819 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think that, like others have said, there’s enough stress going on with the bride that she shouldn’t have to worry about refunding her wedding party the cost of their attire. That said, it’s not particularly fair to the BMs either. Obv, the best solution is to make sure that your BMs are HAPPY with their dresses & will wear them again (whenever possible, at least).

    Post # 9
    Member
    8520 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    If I was the BM- I would support my friend through her hard time.

    If I was the bride- I would offer to reimburse the Wedding Party (especially if I caused/called off the wedding) or make the groom reimburse (if he caused/called it off).

    But where i am from the couple pays for the Wedding Party attire so all I would do is support the bride as long as I agreed with the calling off reason (as in if she didn’t cheat).

    Post # 10
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    my first instinct is to say “damn right I’d better be reimbursed!” but if I think about it, I figure I would be close enough to the bride to be her Bridesmaid or Best Man, which is only a few girls in my life, and I wouldn’t think twice about losing the money if they were going through something like that. 

    though if he cheated and she made him pay us back, I’d totally take the money!

    Post # 11
    Member
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I agreed with bookworm88 in that my first instinct is that of course the bridesmaids should be reimbursed. But if it’s one of your very closest friends or family (which it most likely is if you were asking be a part of a bridal party) I would hope a person in that situation would be more understanding of what is going on and that there are a ton of other financial issues cropping up for the bride and groom with a cancelled wedding than the bridesmaid dresses and that it’s most likely the last thing a bride in that position is thinking about. 

    If the bride offered to pay me back for a $300 dress (which to me is extremely expensive and a TON of money) I would take the money. But I would have enough tact not to say anything as I think being a good friend trumps money in this situation. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee

    @bookworm88:  +1

    My first instinct was wanting to be reimbursed, but if this is one of my best friends we’re talking about…hell no, I wouldn’t put her through that. She would have more than enough going on and I wouldn’t want to add to her pain and suffering.

    If she did offer, I would politely decline for the reason above (but secretly be very glad that she had the grace to offer the reimbursement)!

    Post # 13
    Member
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    The bride should have the decency to compensate her bridesmaids for their dresses. Yes, the dress is the bridesmaids responsibility but the only reason it was purchased was so that it could be worn in the wedding. If the wedding doesn’t happen, the dress is a complete waste of money. It’s not the bridesmaids fault her friend/family member is no longer getting married.

    With that said, I don’t think the bridesmaids should pitch a fit over this if the bride doesn’t offer. She’s probably going through some pretty tough shit and repaying her bridesmaids is the last thing on her mind. If one of my friends weddings were called off, I probably wouldn’t even accept the money if it was offered. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I would be focused more on being there for my friend then about being pissed about the dress…..

    Post # 15
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I was Maid/Matron of Honor for a dear friend and her Fiance broke up with her 1 month before the big day and the last thought on my mind was the money I had spent on her wedding (dress, shower, gifts, visits, etc).  I was happy to spend that money for her and would not have thought anything of it if I didn’t get any money for it.  That’s what being a bridesmaid is about-standing in for your friend and supporting them throughout the process whether good or bad, it’s not about getting money.

    My friend did end up giving us half the cost of the dress but I felt very awkward taking it from her and only did because she persisted.  A nice offer but definitely not neccessary.

    Post # 16
    Member
    11747 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Being compensated is the last thing that would be on my mind if a close friend of mine just had to call her wedding off.  If it was offered to me, I would still probably turn the $ down.  You can always sell the dress – or keep it for some other occassion depending on the dress.  I had a long Bridesmaid or Best Man dress cut short to wear to other events.

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