(Closed) Should this bother me? Mom’s opinion, FI’s rash decision

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like he’s just stressed out. I’d cut him a little slack. I don’t think it’s a big issue.

Post # 5
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Sounds like he’s flying off the handle. I would probably try and take a wedding break and just not talk about details and planning for a little while. He may be overwhelmed. Why did he throw it up on the website without discussing it with you anyway? Maybe take some time to regroup as a couple and reopen the communication.

Post # 6
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think everyone loses their cool at some point in wedding planning, even over things that might not seem like a big deal. The whole process is highly stressful, especially when outsiders are involved and you are trying to appease them.

I don’t think it is anything “significant” that should alarm you, but you should speak to him about it so no one is harboring resentment over something so small. It sounds like he is most perturbed that your mom seemed to get the final say in an area that should really only involve the two of you. So in the future I might suggest approaching him while letting him know that it is YOUR idea, and that you aren’t trying to eliminate something he likes because of what someone else thinks.

Post # 7
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

You might try speaking only for yourself and not introducing your mom’s opinion into it. That might keep her out of your marriage a little more and help you two deal with disagreements more easily.

Post # 8
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

It sounds to me like he’s just stressed. I’d try to talk to him about it later, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Post # 9
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

He sound really into helping plan the wedding and may be stressed out by everything also. Maybe you should both agree on letting each other know/ run things by each other before doing anything wedding related. Im getting the feeling he did this without your knowing.

Post # 11
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, I think your Fiance needs to stop making wedding plans for right now. It’s kind of getting in the way of you guys fixing your problems, because if you are having doubts, he’s just taking offense and trying to avoid an argument.

I’d stop planning the wedding until next week, tell him that you’re sorry if it sounded like it was “mom meddling” but that since she’s a guest and others might find it bad/whatever, you thought you two should talk about it. And then tell him you’ll talk about it next week, when the planning resumes.

Good luck1

Post # 13
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Please be careful with Fiance right now. You guys just almost called off the wedding – is a honeymoon registry really worth discussing? In prior threads, you mentioned that you prefer to talk things out whereas he doesn’t. This looks like just another example of this. Maybe sometimes you can work on getting him to talk about things more, but this is not that time.

I’m a little confused as to why you would start these types of discussions with him after just having come back from the brink of a break up. I know your mom called and your were emotional, etc, etc, but you need to control yourself if you want the wedding to happen at all.

Post # 14
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

@girl “you need to control yourself if you want the wedding to happen at all..” Wow, that’s kind of harsh. I don’t think anyone should ever have to “control” who they are for someone to love them. If he loves her, he’ll accept that she slips up sometimes, but that she’s working on it.

@joy i see where you’re coming from. I’d just let it all go then, don’t let it bother you. Work out or do something to get past it, and feel better!

Post # 16
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Although your mom had brought it up and it upset you, it probably wasn’t the best time for you to bring it up with him.  I think that, (not having read your other posts this week) you should learn a)to pick your battles and b)know when to bring them up. Talking to him when you are still upset about what your mom said was probably not the best time to bring it up.  I know one of the bees (Mary Jane I believe?) Set aside one night a week to talk about wedding stuff with her Fiance so he didn’t feel like he needs to talk about wedding stuff all the time. 

When you approach him about stuff try to separate how YOU feel about something from what you think he feels, what your mom feels, etc.  Concentrate on using “I statements” and taking responsibility for your self.  Ask him how he feels.  Open up the dialogue in a way that he feels like you are open to what he has to say.  This does wonders for minimizing conflict. 


The topic ‘Should this bother me? Mom’s opinion, FI’s rash decision’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors