(Closed) Should this bother me?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is this rude or not?
    Yes this is really rude : (37 votes)
    47 %
    No, I think you're over reacting. : (31 votes)
    39 %
    Other, please explain : (11 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    199 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I’m not sure I would go so far as to say this is rude, but its certainly insensitive. 


    Post # 4
    773 posts
    Busy bee

    They’re not forcing you to have your hair done professionally, so I don’t think they’re under any obligation to pay for you to have it done.    I DO think it is rude not to let you get ready with the rest of the wedding party.  Since the girl’s mom is paying, she probably feels like she has to go along with whatever her mom wants.  Her mom sounds like she’s being kind of insulting, but I would just go along with it and be there for your friend.  Her mom is probably driving her crazy, too 🙂

    Post # 5
    153 posts
    Blushing bee

    I agree with Meggles…it’s definitely insensitive.  Especially if the other bridesmaid has short hair which can’t be put into an updo.  Then it’s just you.

    Technically, I believe bridemaids are responsible for the dress, shoes, accessories, makeup, and hair.  However, many brides understand that this can cost a lot of money and try to be sensitive about it (ex. less expensive dress, allowing girls to do own makeup, buying accessories as the Bridesmaid or Best Man gift, etc.).  Since it seems that she doesn’t have control over the Bridesmaid or Best Man look, then you’re going to have to find a way around it.

    What time is the bride’s hair appointment?  Specifically her appointment.  Why not go to a less expensive salon an get a French twist or chignon (nothing too elaborate, but something chic and classy) earlier and meet everyone else at the salon when she gets her hair done.  That way, you’ll be there for her hair and get some bonding time.

    Good luck!

    Post # 7
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I can definitely see insensitive, but I wouldn’t say rude.  She isn’t requiring you to get your hair done at this expensive salon, she just gave you the option to do so if you wanted to.  (If she wasn’t paying and was making you do it, then yes, rude).  I’d agree with PP… find out when the bride has her appointment, and either do your own hair or go to a less expensive salon at that time.  That way, you can be involved with the rest of it.

    Post # 8
    256 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I may be going against the grain here, but I don’t think it is rude that she didn’t schedule an appointment for you both since they are not forcing you to get your hair done.  I agree that it may be a tad insensitive, but at least she didn’t book you and then make you pay for it.  Also, not sure of the market you are in, but $60 is not entirely unreasonable for an updo; the most affordable I have found was $40 and that was at a cheap salon so I am having someone come to the house for the girls for $50 each.  My own hairdresser was goign to charge $75 per girl which I didn’t want them to have to spend.  Have you asked where they are going after they get their hair done and you can get ready with them there?  Or if you are willing you could make an appointment at the salon, but it sounds like you don’t want to go there so you could always meet them afterwards.  I think the idea of you getting it done somewhere cheaper, or perhaps doing it yourself (you could do an updo with ringlets for example) is not a bad one.  Regardless, the bride’s mom has graciously offered to pay for the entire wedding, so although you would have like to have been included in that, it is a rather large expense and she may be reaching her limit of expenses as well.  Hope it works out!

    Post # 9
    153 posts
    Blushing bee

    If both of the bride’s friend BMs are "miffed," then why don’t the two of you ask the bride what time both of you should come to the salon and go together at that time?  It’ll be less uncomfortable if both of you come at the same time, and I’m sure the bride would want her friends there!

    Post # 10
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I say since your friend has a short bob, she wears a nice headband. Nothing flashy or sparkly, but something pretty. Then she gets a little flair in her hair, too. Maybe in a pretty satin that matches the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress? Or even a little pin. Something small but not overberaing. But dressy, you know? Twist your hair up, curl the top, and let it hang. That’s pretty easy and always looks nice. So do french twists. Youtube has lots of DIY videos for hair. Spray the living smoke out of it! 

    I say show up to the salon with everyone else. You have just as much right to be there, sip on some coffee, and hang out. The bride isn’t excluding you, it sounds like her mom is a little bit though. Maybe she’s just totally clueless because she’s so concerned with the wedding since she’s essentially planning it right? And with her daughters and her daughter’s new family that it sounds like she hasn’t considered her daughters’ friends as much. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but she sounds a little snobby setting the bar so high and all that other stuff. 

    Post # 11
    2365 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I don’t think it’s the moms job to pay for your hair. She probably thinks it’s overkill b/c an updo can be up to $150!!

    I think if anything, the bride should step up and say something, youre her friend afterall.

    Post # 12
    960 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Yoga, I’m with you. It seems to me like you’re feeling left out, and in my opinion you have a right to feel that way. The brides mom is paying for family but not the non-family  bridesmaids. My feeling is that she can’t pick and choose which members of the wedding party to pay for; it should be all or nothing. The fact is, the bride is still asking you to get an updo, which is not easy to DIY and can be expensive to get professionally done. And the fact that you can’t get ready with the bride? That is just bizzare. I don’t necessarily have advice for you, but I do hope you can feel better about this before the wedding. In the end you might just have to eat the cost of a few things. Maybe do a few trial runs of DIYing your hair if you think you can do it. Do you have a friend who is good with that stuff who might be able to help? Good luck with all of this. And I echo a previous poster…the mom is probably driving the bride crazy, too.

    Post # 13
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I agree with the last poster. It would be one thing if you could wear your hair however you please, but I think the bride should pay if she is asking you to do something specific, like an updo. I know that I could not put my own hair in an updo, and I’m sure a lot of other people couldn’t.

    Post # 14
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Sorry.  I dont find it bizarre, rude, or insensitive.  I am not paying for my bridemaids dresses, hair, shoes, etc.  I am paying for half of their make up because I have hired a make up artist.  If I had not hired the artist, they would be responsible for their own make up also.

    Why dont you just meet the rest of the bridal party where ever they are getting dressed?  Theyre at the salon getting their hair and nails done.  I think it would be wierd for you to show up and not receive services.  Are you upset that you are not being included or that the MOB is not paying for you to be included?

    I understand that you feel left out, but your friend is not in control.  The mother booked services that she was paying for.  I think this is pretty normal.

    Post # 16
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    If she is paying for the Bridal Party to get their hair done, then she should have included both of you too!  I think it is separatist.  I would just tell the bride you can’t afford to pay for your own updo so you leaving you hair down.  She really can’t say anything unless she’s willing to fork over the dough.  And if she can’t afford to, well now she knows how you feel!!

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