(Closed) Should this comment worry me ??

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

geniebean14:  I’d seek counselling for your concerns and loss of interest in things you once loved. It’s possible you could be developing depression or some anxiety.  Lots of times, talk therapy over medication works best but I’d seek help just to figure out what’s going on.  Best of luck, bee.

Post # 3
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

What did your hub say in response to his own question? What WOULD he do if you lost interest in sex? What would he want you to do? What if HE lost interest in sex? What would you want him to do? I think you should talk about this openly, because there’s pretty much a 99% chance that at some point in your marriage one of you is going to hit a dry spot – emotionally, mentally, physically, health-related, stress-related, weight-related, etc. Second, I agree with PP. Losing interest in things you used to enjoy, going through hard times, changes in weight – these things can be related to depression. Why not visit your doctor and have a screening? Maybe get approved for a few insurance-covered therapy visits?

Post # 6
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m sorry you are going through this Bee! As far as your husband’s comment, it sounds to me like he enjoys the intimacy in your relationship and voiced his concerns that it might dwindle at times.  With what you are going through, it seems a bit selfish of him to focus on something that could directly impact him rather than the issues that are already impacting you, but I wouldn’t necessarily take this as a red flag or anything. We can all be selfish at times. I think you should talk to your therapist about these troubles too, and talk with your husband about how he can better support you.

Post # 8
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

geniebean14: It sounds like you HAVE given your hub a hint that your interest in sex might decrease – because you said yourself your interest in other things you previously enjoyed has decreased. Your hub is probably like, “Hmm, she used to like going out to concerts, going on vacations, and so on, but now it seems like she just doesn’t get excited about those things anymore… what if she stops being interested in and excited about sex too?”

It sounds like you reassured your husband that if you stopped wanting sex, you would get help/therapy. But did he reassure you that if you stopped wanting sex, he would support you through it and would not just abandon you to get his needs met elsewhere? It sounds like he didn’t, and it sounds like you need that reassurance. So I think you should talk to him again.

I’m sorry about your miscarriage. It sounds like you’ve got a lot weighing you down at the moment. It does sound like seeing a therapist about your struggles might help you out some, if therapy is a possibility for you.

Post # 10
Member
6674 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

It really sounds like there are deeper issues here. First, it sounds like you have depression developing, but it is good you are getting counseling. But a comment like that from your Darling Husband shouldn’t have you this worried, especially when pushed he said he would support you no matter what. Combine that with talking about how much your ex loved you, and it sounds like you have worries over whether you should have married this man at all. Your emotional reaction doesn’t match his comment, so I have to believe that the emotion is coming from a different/deeper issue.

Post # 11
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

geniebean14:  It’s normal that you feel scared and upset but as an outsider I don’t think you should be. I think your husband was voicing his concerns, and what he enjoys in your relationship. And that’s a good thing. Life has it’s ups and downs and there could be periods when either of you don’t feel like sex. I think counselling together to talk it through and come up with a plan together now, when things are great sexually, about how you will communicate and address any changes would put both of your minds at ease. Good luck x

 

Post # 12
Member
11528 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

geniebean14:  not saying a word about losing intimacy with you doesn’t mean your ex loved you more.

they sound like two men who process emotions very differently. I think your husband sounds worried that you will lose interest in intimacy with him, which means he values your intimacy a lot. It’s actually a positive thing, imo, that he expressed this. It would be unfair to expect him to express no preference or needs. 

I also second PP re talking to a professional so you can sort out if you are getting depressed. good luck, bee. 

Post # 14
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Have you ever asked him “what would I do if I lost a leg, would you still love me?” “What would you do if I got cancer and lost my hair, would you still love me?” 

I think everyone has asked a silly question like that, it doesn’t mean anything, you’re just looking for some reassurance that they’re not going anywhere and that you’re still important to them.

That’s all this was. Men feel very strongly about sex because it’s a way to be intimate and emotionally connected with their wives. So he was basically asking you “if we can’t have sex, will you try and get help so I can continue to be close with you?” im sure he doesn’t just view you as a sex object, so don’t take his comment as anything sinister. It was just a way for him to get some reassurance from you that an important part of your intimacy as a couple will remain the same. 

Post # 15
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Without knowing anything about your relationship, I would have to say that I think it’s a really good thing that he asked you a fair and honest question.  That’s part of good communication, asking questions and talking about your concerns.  Obviously physical intimacy is important to him but it doesn’t mean that’s all he cares about!  For example… In my relationship, Fiance and I often take day trips on weekends to go quading in the summer and I really enjoy it, those trips are an important thing to me.  Does not mean that’s all I care about though!  If he started to lose interest, I would ask him what was going on and whether our trips would decrease.  That doesn’t mean I’d leave him if he decided he was no longer into it, but it would mean we’d need to work on a solution to meet both our needs.

maybe you need to talk to a professional if your husband voicing concerns has made you this worried. Good luck :))

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